excalibur
Diamond Member
- Mar 19, 2015
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You can't make this stuff up.
www.takimag.com
Remember Elizabeth Holmes? She was the plucky 19-year-old woman of the year who built, from the ground up, a sooper-spectacular lifesaving âhi-tech health companyâ called Theranos. Holmesâbeing a superwoman and allâhad developed a technology that revolutionized blood-drawing and blood-testing. By 2010 sheâd raised nearly a billion bucks for her grrrrrrl-powered company, and by 2013 Theranos, with a $10 billion valuation, appeared unstoppable.
...
âMarie Curie,â meet grand jury. At present, Holmes is awaiting trial on federal fraud charges.
Surely, following the Holmes fiasco, gullible reporters and starry-eyed investors learned their lesson when it comes to pretty young things touting revolutionary biological testing start-ups. But you know the old sayingââFool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, this is CNN.â Jessica âSunshineâ Richman intrinsically understood that the best way to copy a social justice con is to do it bigger, better, and more ridiculously, because the morons burned by the last one will grasp at anything to prove that the previous con was an anomaly and not the rule.
So several years ago Richman began touting her own revolutionary new high-tech health company that pledged to forever change how mankind looks atâŚpoo.
Yes, whereas Theranos promised new state-of-the-art blood-testing technologies, Richmanâs company touted new methods for testing doo-doo. Richman told investors that for just a billion dollars or so, sheâd deliver a âdirect-to-consumer fecal matter testâ that would allow every American to round out each bathroom visit with an immediate âgut bacteriaâ health update, with a device no more invasive than a rectal thermometer.
Theranos, meet Theranus.
Journalists couldnât get enough of Richman. She was featured on CNNâs list of the top â30 Under 30â young female entrepreneurs (she was ânumber 2â). Business Insider included her on its own â30 Under 30â list as well. And Gwyneth Paltrow took time out from marketing her flatulence as an air freshener to tout Richmanâs âFitbit for the gutâ on her personal website. Meanwhile, idiots with money to burn threw millions of dollars at Richman as if she were a poop-peddling pole dancer.
For their part, feminist activists praised Richmanâs stunning and brave âsisters are doo-ing it for themselvesâ attitude.
Finally, the specter of Elizabeth Holmes and her fake voice and fake company would be exorcised.
Or not.
Turns out Richmanâs business model was far less firm, and far more odorous, than the stool upon which it was built. Her âgut Fitbitâ was a hoax. Worse still, she wasnât even âunder 30.â She was, in fact, in her mid-40s.
But at least her voice was real.
Last week, Richman and her husband and partner were indicted on multiple counts of felony fraud. Prosecutors claim that the couple netted over $99 million with their âthree turd Monteâ scheme.
And while Richmanâs fate is likely sealed, somewhere in this great nation a new ambitious young female swindler is exploring the next bodily fluid, secretion, or waste matter to exploit for profit.
Considering that Richman made almost a hundred million dollars on a nonexistent dookie monitor, sheâll be a very hard act to follow.
...
âMarie Curie,â meet grand jury. At present, Holmes is awaiting trial on federal fraud charges.
Surely, following the Holmes fiasco, gullible reporters and starry-eyed investors learned their lesson when it comes to pretty young things touting revolutionary biological testing start-ups. But you know the old sayingââFool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, this is CNN.â Jessica âSunshineâ Richman intrinsically understood that the best way to copy a social justice con is to do it bigger, better, and more ridiculously, because the morons burned by the last one will grasp at anything to prove that the previous con was an anomaly and not the rule.
So several years ago Richman began touting her own revolutionary new high-tech health company that pledged to forever change how mankind looks atâŚpoo.
Yes, whereas Theranos promised new state-of-the-art blood-testing technologies, Richmanâs company touted new methods for testing doo-doo. Richman told investors that for just a billion dollars or so, sheâd deliver a âdirect-to-consumer fecal matter testâ that would allow every American to round out each bathroom visit with an immediate âgut bacteriaâ health update, with a device no more invasive than a rectal thermometer.
Theranos, meet Theranus.
Journalists couldnât get enough of Richman. She was featured on CNNâs list of the top â30 Under 30â young female entrepreneurs (she was ânumber 2â). Business Insider included her on its own â30 Under 30â list as well. And Gwyneth Paltrow took time out from marketing her flatulence as an air freshener to tout Richmanâs âFitbit for the gutâ on her personal website. Meanwhile, idiots with money to burn threw millions of dollars at Richman as if she were a poop-peddling pole dancer.
For their part, feminist activists praised Richmanâs stunning and brave âsisters are doo-ing it for themselvesâ attitude.
Finally, the specter of Elizabeth Holmes and her fake voice and fake company would be exorcised.
Or not.
Turns out Richmanâs business model was far less firm, and far more odorous, than the stool upon which it was built. Her âgut Fitbitâ was a hoax. Worse still, she wasnât even âunder 30.â She was, in fact, in her mid-40s.
But at least her voice was real.
Last week, Richman and her husband and partner were indicted on multiple counts of felony fraud. Prosecutors claim that the couple netted over $99 million with their âthree turd Monteâ scheme.
And while Richmanâs fate is likely sealed, somewhere in this great nation a new ambitious young female swindler is exploring the next bodily fluid, secretion, or waste matter to exploit for profit.
Considering that Richman made almost a hundred million dollars on a nonexistent dookie monitor, sheâll be a very hard act to follow.
