2aguy
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- Jul 19, 2014
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Viewpoints/ Mike Royko Columnist aims, fires criticism at gun owners
Once again, it’s time to bestow one of the least-coveted honors in America this column’s Gun Owner of the Year Award. For reasons I don’t understand, this award upsets some gun owners and the National Rifle Association, who always remind me that the majority of gun owners are prudent and careful and seldom shoot anybody. Sure they are. But all I try to do is acknowledge the efforts of that tiny minority of gun owners who account for 35,000 gunshot deaths and countless woundings that occur each year.
Don’t they deserve some recognition? OF COURSE THEY do. That’s why, in past years, we’ve honored such winners as the sleepy man who picked up his gun, instead of his ringing phone, and shot himself in the ear. And the angry man who shot his girlfriend in the thigh because she cooked him string beans once too often.
Selecting the winner out of this year’s finalists wasn’t easy. As usual, there were the many hunters who mistook their peers for wild turkeys, deer, squirrels and possums. It’s amazing what a striking resemblance there is between the average person and the average wild turkey. So the Outstanding Achievement by a Deer Slayer Award goes to a New Hampshire man who saw what he thought was a deer coming over a rise in a road. He fired, and scored a direct hit. The deer turned out to be a truck, and the driver took a bullet in the shoulder. FORTUNATELY, the hunter realized his error in time and did not skin the driver or have the truck mounted.
In Rock Island, 111., a man put his rifle on the ground after shooting a passing bird. As he bent to pick up the bird’s carcass, his dog stepped on the shotgun trigger, causing it to fire and wound the bird-slayer. This confirms the NRA’s slogan; “Guns don’t shoot people dogs shoot people.”
Daily Kent Stater 15 January 1985 — Daily Kent Stater Digital Archive
Daily Kent Stater Digital Archivedks.library.kent.edu
One winner of Mike Royko's Gun Owner of the Year Award thought he saw a burglar at the foot of his bed. He slept with a revolver under his pillow, and shot at the burglar. There was no burglar. Instead he shot his penis off. That was fitting, because guns are a phallic symbol.
You didn’t answer my post……coward. Post # 795