More like I see you reaching out to try to understand, sometimes in anger and some time not. Just wanted to try to help. If I choose to debate someone on any issue you'll know it.
Sometimes I wish I believed in God. I look for reasons to, but never come up with any. Good reasons, sound reasons, that is. Sure, there are emotional reasons, but I need physical evidence. I need logical reasons. If the Universe was created by a supreme being solely for human beings, and human beings were created by that higher power for a reason, and everything was anthropocentric and life had meaning, that would be a huge comfort for me. But if that is so, why does this Creator hide? Why does it seem that the Universe is a big, cold (or extremely hot), empty, hostile place and human beings just barely survive on one incredibly, unbelievably small blue speck? Why does it seem that life isn't fair, very pleasant (there are great moments, but lots of not great ones, too) where people suffer and die horrible everyday? Why are human beings so similar to primates genetically and behaviorally? Why are there so many different religions if only one of them is the true one? Why, if God is so loving and merciful, does he insist on sending people to Hell when those people, like me, can't just choose to believe. Avoiding a mythical punishment is not incentive enough for me to TRULY believe. Right? Isn't that called Fire Insurance or After-Life Insurance? Why have there been so many people killed and tortured because of religion? Why do religious people discriminate and judge those who don't fit in with their dogma i.e. homosexuals? I know homosexuals and they're just like everybody else except in one way: they are sexually attracted to those of the same sex. That's it!
As a kid I never believed in God. I grew up in SWern Idaho which is the Bible belt of the West. I was told I'd burn in Hell if I didn't believe. I was discriminated against by parents who didn't want their children to play with me or their daughters dating me (one Mormon girl was sent off to live with her grandparents because her parents thought I would turn her into a devil worshipper). I was sent to church for years, with my grandparents, my parents were Catholics for a while, and even my friends attended church. I was regarded with disdain or without comprehension or as untrustworthy because how could I have morals if I didn't believe in God?
Needless to say, I'm a little bitter. I don't appreciate the self-righteousness, the judgementalism, the arbitrary rules, the pushiness of evangelicals, nor the discrimination of people who aren't Christian. I've actually got a lot better about it. I understand why people have faith. I have faith now, because of people like them, its just my faith isn't in a religious sense, but in humanity. I have faith in myself. I have to believe something, but I can believe in humankind (as difficult as it is). I have hope that we can avoid killing ourselves off and take the reigns of our own racial destiny. Not much, but some.
If along this journey, God appears for me in whatever way, then I'll have that too. But until He does, I won't believe in something just because I want to, but because I have no choice.
