The Delicious Librarian

[Abishai100]

This is a modernism-rapture parody inspired by the labyrinth-nihilism film Ghost in the Machine.

Signing off,





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Thomas was a history student at Yale University writing a senior-thesis titled History in Literature. During his senior year, his popular fraternity AD threw a Halloween costume party which invited people from all around New England. At the party, during which Thomas dressed as a pirate, there was a strange and beautiful young woman (not a Yale student) dressed (very unusually) as the female comic book eco-terrorist Poison Ivy (DC Comics). Thomas was hypnotized by her and had to approach her. She introduced herself as Shena, a French-American woman from New Hampshire (somewhere). Thomas wanted to know of her interests in Poison Ivy, so she explained she learned about the avatar from her young nephew Sam.

Thomas awoke the next day determined to find Shena again. He decided to ask around to see who knew where she was from (exactly). Finally, someone (a female Yale student who attended the AD Halloween party and befriended Shena) told Thomas Shena was a librarian at the Dartmouth College library (in Hanover, New Hampshire). Thomas decided to drive up to Dartmouth the next weekend to find Shena. When he arrived on campus on Saturday morning, he ran to the library to find Shena, and he found her working there indeed as a librarian. He asked her if she remembered him, and she smiled and asked him if he searched her out like a detective. Thomas humbly admitted yes and told her he was fascinated by her demeanor and charm, and Shena told him, "If you want to get to know me, you have to study."

THOMAS: I have to study?
SHENA: I know from your Yale friend that you're a history student.
THOMAS: Well, yes, I'm writing a thesis called History in Literature.
SHENA: When I meet a man, I want to be sure he's intellectually 'fit.'
THOMAS: I see, well, I suppose then you want to see me study something now.
SHENA: Yes, I want you to research your thesis in this library (show me).
THOMAS: Alright, I suppose I could look at Howard Zinn's books in here.
SHENA: We have Zinn, but I want you to look at Frankenstein (Mary Shelley).

Thomas started reading Frankenstein and realized why Shena wanted him to read it for studies relevant to this history thesis at Yale. Shelley had suggested that understanding nature and energy in the known world helps the mind evaluate how vitality 'cycles' around (almost scientifically!). Thomas concluded that Shena wanted him to appreciate why meeting a beautiful woman was like understanding the spiritual energies in the world around him and how these energies informed society customs (and yes, even history!). Thomas took his notes to Shena to show her what he learned from Shelley, and she winked at him and said, "You found what I wanted you to find." Then, Shena took him to an inside room behind the library shelves and kissed him. "Why did you do that?" Thomas asked him (albeit with delight). Shena replied, "I want you to investigate the Book of the Nine Gates, Thomas. Then, I will be yours!"

Thomas was 'assigned' by Shena to investigate the cryptic and pseudo-folkloric Book of the Nine Gates, which was supposedly co-written by the Devil (Lucifer/Satan) himself. The rumor was that the book itself carried the power to invoke the spirit of the Devil (and therefore grant wishes!). Thomas concluded that Shena wanted him to investigate this 'Satanic text' so she would be sure that he was very serious about the 'spiritual face' of pursuing a beautiful woman for apparent 'emotional goals.' However, Thomas also got a strange feeling that Shena was stranger and more enigmatic than he at first surmised. Thomas decided to purchase a Poison Ivy (DC Comics) comic book for Shena before telling her he'd continue studying the Book of the Nine Gates (so she would consent to becoming his girlfriend!). Shena smiled and accepted the gift and offer.

SATAN: You have the gumption to investigate the Nine Gates, Thomas?
THOMAS: Satan, you found me (though I was studying privately in this library)!
SATAN: Hogwash/lies, Thomas. You were studying only to impress Shena.
THOMAS: You know her? She is so beautiful, and I saw her dressed as Poison Ivy.
SATAN: And, like a headstrong college student, you assumed you could 'win' her.
THOMAS: I had to try. She wanted me to study the Nine Gates (I was wooing her).
SATAN: Of course you were, Thomas. Shena is my daughter...
THOMAS: Are you serious? Then, she tricked me into studying the Nine Gates.
SATAN: You are shrewd (but accurate). I want you to do something for me!
THOMAS: What? You want me to be your personal minion-secretary on Earth?
SATAN: That's clever and amusing but somewhat accurate.
THOMAS: Well, what do you want with me?
SATAN: Firstly, you must keep this Dartmouth library encounter a secret.
THOMAS: I intended to do that...
SATAN: Stop smirking; I want you to hide a treasure-map in the Yale library.
THOMAS: Why? Is this treasure-map somehow...Satanic?
SATAN: He who finds it and goes searching for the treasure will find me.
THOMAS: And if I do this 'lowly task,' I can court your daughter (Shena)?
SATAN: Yes! And I want you to teach Shena about the history of Facebook.
THOMAS: Agreed. I am, after all, a 'scholar' of modernism (a Yale Facebook 'lad').
SATAN: Good. Remember --- this task signified my interest in 'modernism-money.'
THOMAS: Somehow I worry you'll have a hacker create a Facebook-virus.
SATAN: Your job is explained; you need now only worry about Shena. Good-bye.

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{Shena}