excalibur
Diamond Member
- Mar 19, 2015
- 18,241
- 34,625
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The problem is obvious.
Of course, it wouldn’t be The Week without checking in on the war between fast-food employees and reparations enthusiasts.
And what a war it is! A great battlefield spanning a continent…a regular Gourmandy, an Ant-eatum, a Gettysburger.
First up: Mama’s Restaurant drive-through in Opelousas, Louisiana (76 percent black). A female passenger in a car full of hungry peanut butter inventors got into an argument with a female cashier (the transcript of the exchange has not been released, but it likely involved cries of “Oh no you dih-int”). As the ladies exited the vehicle to brawl, the male driver exited with a gun, where he was met on the field of battle (the parking lot) by a male cashier…with a gun. Many bullets fired, zero direct hits, and everyone hauled away for some free jail food, just like Mama used to make.
Next: a Burger King drive-through, Ellenwood, Georgia (80 percent enrichers). A customer who received the wrong sauce with his order reacted the only way a rational man could—he barged into the restaurant and started beating everyone. 16-year-old employee Tyarius Wilcox responded to the saucy pugilist by gunning him down. The customer’s bereaved family is requesting BBQ sauce in lieu of flowers.
Finally, to a Chipotle in Columbus, Ohio, where two blacktose intolerants decided that their meal didn’t have enough cheese. So they did the only thing noble descendants of kings would do: They started beating the employees, shouting “Brie at last, brie at last!” When the pummeling failed to produce the desired bro’quefort, one of the brawlers pulled a gun and tried to execute the cowering camemberts. Fortunately the gun jammed, and Lawrence Stilton Jacobs was forced to flee.
Police have yet to arrest the suspects, who are described as parmed and dangerous.
www.takimag.com
Of course, it wouldn’t be The Week without checking in on the war between fast-food employees and reparations enthusiasts.
And what a war it is! A great battlefield spanning a continent…a regular Gourmandy, an Ant-eatum, a Gettysburger.
First up: Mama’s Restaurant drive-through in Opelousas, Louisiana (76 percent black). A female passenger in a car full of hungry peanut butter inventors got into an argument with a female cashier (the transcript of the exchange has not been released, but it likely involved cries of “Oh no you dih-int”). As the ladies exited the vehicle to brawl, the male driver exited with a gun, where he was met on the field of battle (the parking lot) by a male cashier…with a gun. Many bullets fired, zero direct hits, and everyone hauled away for some free jail food, just like Mama used to make.
Next: a Burger King drive-through, Ellenwood, Georgia (80 percent enrichers). A customer who received the wrong sauce with his order reacted the only way a rational man could—he barged into the restaurant and started beating everyone. 16-year-old employee Tyarius Wilcox responded to the saucy pugilist by gunning him down. The customer’s bereaved family is requesting BBQ sauce in lieu of flowers.
Finally, to a Chipotle in Columbus, Ohio, where two blacktose intolerants decided that their meal didn’t have enough cheese. So they did the only thing noble descendants of kings would do: They started beating the employees, shouting “Brie at last, brie at last!” When the pummeling failed to produce the desired bro’quefort, one of the brawlers pulled a gun and tried to execute the cowering camemberts. Fortunately the gun jammed, and Lawrence Stilton Jacobs was forced to flee.
Police have yet to arrest the suspects, who are described as parmed and dangerous.
