Sura like it

Dajjal

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The Quran says no one can produce a sura like it, I would like to offer my effort to prove this is false. Please feel free to add your own sura.

2.23 And if ye are in doubt as to what We have revealed from time to time to Our
servant, then produce a Sura like thereunto; and call your witnesses or helpers (If
there are any) besides God, if your (doubts) are true.

2.24 But if ye cannot- and of a surety ye cannot- then fear the Fire whose fuel is
men and stones,- which is prepared for those who reject Faith.

Here is my sura.

Sura 118 Al Baba.

118.1 Praised be to Allah the almighty and most merciful, the lord of the worlds.
118.2 Obey Allah and his messenger, Muhammed (Poo), and if you should give all you own, and die in battle for Allah you will be well rewarded.
118.3 You will recline on couches drinking from silver goblets, and be waited on by wide eyed virgins, who have been specially made for you in heaven. (well they may have been fixed by surgery)
118.3 So you will no longer have to hobble Thamud the she camel for your satisfaction as you did on earth.
118.4 Did we not tell you of Ali Baba and the forty thieves, and did we not remind you of Noah, and how we asked him to gather two of every creature, we even saved the pig, but I am damned if we can remember why we mentioned them. Unless it was to poison unbelievers, yes I think that was it.
118.4 And did we not give you the sand to play in, as far as the eye can see, nothing but sand,sand, sand. Allah love sand, no, he really likes making sand. And did we not surround it by the seas which are too salty to drink. Allah is most merciful and wise.
118.5 Did we not tell you to fight the unbelievers wherever you find them, so that you could steal their lands and get out of all that sand. So great and merciful is Allah to the followers of the messenger. Obey the messenger and fight the unbelievers and take their wives and steal their possessions, you can have the wives, but the loot belongs to Allah, (and his messenger Muhammed so had it over or else) But do not kill unbelievers if they become believers, just sign them up as conscripts, and put them in the front line of the next battle to liberate the lands of more unbelievers. Only kill them if they become believers, then change their minds when they start thinking for themselves ,and asking awkward questions. Then strike their necks.
118.6 Allah will curse the unbelievers to be roasted over a slow burning flame for all eternity, and have their eyes plucked out with hooks. But Allah will give them new eyes, so that they can be plucked out again, because Allah is most wise and great, and he likes to watch. He likes little boys that pick the wings of flies as that amuses him. He is the seer-er of all you do, and even peeps on you when you are in the bathroom.
118.7 Allah be praised and praised, then praised some more.
No really, you had better get down on your heads and grovel, you wretched worms, or you are really going to get it in the head. You either kiss my arse or have your flesh peeled off, and red hot irons shoved where the sun does not shine.
118.8 Whoops, That may have been a verse influenced by Satan, so do not worry to much about that one, I may abrogate it later. Anyway, don't mess with the messenger (Muhammed) if you know whats good for you.
 
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Dajjal

Dajjal

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No one want to try writing a sura? What about just one verse. Oh well I expect this thread will die now, but I am bouncing it one more time for a few more people to read it, and here is a poem I wrote to finish it off.



Praise Allah

Praised be to Allah, the creator of all worlds,
Praise him for the desert, with its endless sea of dunes.
The only things to eat, bushes with spiky thorns,
The Sun a burning orb, to dry and bleach your bones.

Praise Allah for the mirage, of water that is not there,
Without such visions to lead them, many would despair.
But the mirage in the distance gives men strength to go on,
Even though when they arrive there, the oasis is gone.

No wonder dusty Arabs dream of gently flowing streams,
They read of Allah's heaven, and see it in their dreams.
They read of fruit trees laden, with the branches hanging low,
With youths to wait upon them, even thought it is not so.

Praise Allah for the camel, the walking desert ship,
Praise him for two hump camels, with a place to sit.
Praise him for one hump camels, that can carry slaves,
Sliding up and down the hump, destined for early graves.

Praise Allah for the cattle, and praise him for the Goats,
And praise him for instructions, in how to cut their throats.
Praise him for the science that created the first tent,
Saving Arabs from the sandstorms, which are often sent.

Most of all praise Allah for the many rules of war,
And clear instructions, in how to settle every score.
Praise Allah for the sword, to strike unworthy necks,
And his curse on unbelievers, so they may all be vexed.
 
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Dajjal

Dajjal

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Although my attempt at a sura is supposed to be humorous there are some serious attempts at the link.


suralikeit.com
 

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