Adam's Apple
Senior Member
- Apr 25, 2004
- 4,092
- 452
- 48
THE STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy."
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
THE GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bloody, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied David. "How could he with just two worms?"
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" An excited child blurted out, "Aces!"
MOSES CROSSES THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
YOUR QUILT IS ON THE WAY
One Sunday after church, a Mom asked her five-year old daughter what the Sunday School lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be afraid; you'll get your quilt." Later that day the pastor stopped by for tea, and the Mom asked what the Sunday school lesson had been about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE
Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world: those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, its morning."
THE NEW CHURCH BUILDING
A pastor got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is: we have enough money to pay for our new building. The bad news is: it's still out there in your pockets."
ENERGY EFFICIENT VEHICLE
The owner of an Amish carriage in Pennsylvania obviously had a sense of humor. Attached to the back of the carriage was a hand-printed sign: Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Watch out for the exhaust.
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy."
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
THE GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bloody, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied David. "How could he with just two worms?"
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" An excited child blurted out, "Aces!"
MOSES CROSSES THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
YOUR QUILT IS ON THE WAY
One Sunday after church, a Mom asked her five-year old daughter what the Sunday School lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be afraid; you'll get your quilt." Later that day the pastor stopped by for tea, and the Mom asked what the Sunday school lesson had been about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE
Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world: those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, its morning."
THE NEW CHURCH BUILDING
A pastor got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is: we have enough money to pay for our new building. The bad news is: it's still out there in your pockets."
ENERGY EFFICIENT VEHICLE
The owner of an Amish carriage in Pennsylvania obviously had a sense of humor. Attached to the back of the carriage was a hand-printed sign: Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Watch out for the exhaust.
