Rules for Women

[Lumpy 1]

First of all... you'll notice I didn't write these..

I merely posted them for your amusement and disdain... &..

(You'll notice most are missing.. go to the link for the rest..)
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Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew...... (I'm innocent I tell Ya..!)
Author unknown

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
9. You have too many shoes.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
22. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both.
25. Nothing says "I love you" like sex.
27. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
29. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
30. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad is probably an idiot, too.
31. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
35. Foreign film are best left to foreigners.
36. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew

 

[JW Frogen]

If I say I have had too much coffee and can not sleep do not get up with me, I want to look at Internet porn.

 

[Luissa]

wow, that isn't ten years oold.

 

[JW Frogen]

I just got the Internet nine years ago.

Before that I went to bars.

 

[Lumpy 1]

wow, that isn't ten years oold.

 

[Foxfyre]

Well, if we're into a 'list of stuff' mood, tonight then. . . .as a bare minimum starter. . . .

Things women wish men knew

1. Don't ever lie to us, we alwayz find out.

2. We don't enjoy talking dirty as much as much as you enjoy listening

3. Don't say you understand when you don't

4. Girls are pretty, but yours is the prettiest.

5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what its like.

6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet is more likely to get you off the hook.

7. Most of us really don't care much about monster trucks, car systems, paintball or a lot of other stuff you guys find fascinating.

8. If you don't want size to matter to us, then we suggest you don't comment on size.

9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big

10. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is not a comfortable subject unless you really really don't like her.

12. Its good to be sensitive, sometimes.

13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.

14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.

15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.

16. Being drama queens is built into our DNA. Accept it.

17. Shave! no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or moustache looks, we hate it.

18. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart or emittother strange gases from your body, it isn't.

19. We will always think we are fat; so humor us and tell us we aren't.

20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

21. We don't shave our legs everyday so get over it.

22. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.

23. We are beautiful at all times.

24. Don't compare our ******* to Pamela Andersons, hers are fake; just remember that. (u have a better shot at ours than you ever will with hers)

25. Most importantly; we are always right; so don't forget.

 

[JW Frogen]

Personally, if I were God I would have went for simplicity.

Just have humans split like the amoeba.

But no, God had to get all renovation crazy.

 

[Madeline]

Why Beer Is Better Than Sex:

1: A beer can't talk.
2: A beer never gets jealous when you have another beer.
3: A beer is only about 75 cents. Do the math.
4: You can share a beer with all your friends.
5: You can always have another beer.
6: Beer goes down smooth.
7: A beer may make you fat, but not the other way around.
8: You can have beer even if you have no "game" at all.
9: Beer sits and waits for you, if necessary, forever without moving. Doesn't make any noise while waiting, either.
10: You don't have to do anything to make a beer sweat; condensation does all the work.
11. You actually enjoy beer more while the game's on.

Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex:

1. Chocolate is always rich.
2. You only have to put as much chocolate in your mouth at a time as you want.
3. Chocolate is good hard or soft.
4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
5. Eating chocolate is never going to lead to drama with a former chocolate-lover.
6. Chocolate is good with and without nuts.
7. You can enjoy white, dark AND milk chocolate and nobody cares.
8. You can share chocolate with all your friends.
9. All the ingredients of chocolate are right there, in words we understand, on the outside wrapper. No surprises.
10. Chocolate is even BETTER when you have your period.


Why Sex Is Better Than Beer Or Chocolate:

1. A beercan only has one hole. So much for variety.
2. If you have chocolate in a public place … it doesn’t feel dangerous and fun.
3. Sex actually burns calories.
4. Beer is nice on a hot day, but sex in a pool is nicer.
5. Sex actually reduces your bloodpresure (afterward anyway).
6. When you eat a chocolate, it never returns the favor.
7. Cuddling a beer can after you're done… well it’s just so empty.
8. What would be the point of playing dress-up to eat chocolate ?
9. With sex, mixing white and black just makes it more fun (well mind you, chocolate has that one too… but nobody could survive drinking Lager and Stout together).
10. There are no fun electronic devices on the market to enhance your chocolate eating.
11. Flirting, suggestive looks and phrases and chatting up a beer just makes you feel stupid.
12. A chocolate will never tell you how pretty you are.
13. You can never remind yourself “This beer is being drank by me, by choice, so it doesn’t care that I don’t have David Tennant’s hair”. You have to confront instead that the beer is drunk by you without any choice in the matter and if it could have chosen, probably would have chosen somebody from a magazine cover to be drank by instead.
14. If you have two beers at the same time, you get an intervention. If you have a threesome, you get applause.
15. Too much beer or chocolate makes you throw up…but there is no such thing as too much sex.

 

[Lumpy 1]

Well, if we're into a 'list of stuff' mood, tonight then. . . .as a bare minimum starter. . . .

Things women wish men knew

1. Don't ever lie to us, we alwayz find out.

2. We don't enjoy talking dirty as much as much as you enjoy listening

3. Don't say you understand when you don't

4. Girls are pretty, but yours is the prettiest.

5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what its like.

6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet is more likely to get you off the hook.

7. Most of us really don't care much about monster trucks, car systems, paintball or a lot of other stuff you guys find fascinating.

8. If you don't want size to matter to us, then we suggest you don't comment on size.

9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big

10. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is not a comfortable subject unless you really really don't like her.

12. Its good to be sensitive, sometimes.

13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.

14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.

15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.

16. Being drama queens is built into our DNA. Accept it.

17. Shave! no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or moustache looks, we hate it.

18. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart or emittother strange gases from your body, it isn't.

19. We will always think we are fat; so humor us and tell us we aren't.

20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.

21. We don't shave our legs everyday so get over it.

22. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.

23. We are beautiful at all times.

24. Don't compare our ******* to Pamela Andersons, hers are fake; just remember that. (u have a better shot at ours than you ever will with hers)

25. Most importantly; we are always right; so don't forget.

...Well played

 

[Dis]

wow, that isn't ten years oold.

And yet, every bit of it is still true in about 85% of all cases.

The other 15% just get called gay, whether they are or not.

 

[PoliticalChic]

First of all... you'll notice I didn't write these..

I merely posted them for your amusement and disdain... &..

(You'll notice most are missing.. go to the link for the rest..)
---------------------------------------------------------
Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew...... (I'm innocent I tell Ya..!)
Author unknown

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Sunday = Sports.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
9. You have too many shoes.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
22. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both.
25. Nothing says "I love you" like sex.
27. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
29. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
30. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad is probably an idiot, too.
31. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
35. Foreign film are best left to foreigners.
36. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew

Hypothetically, if a man speaks in the forest, and there is nobody there to hear him, is he still wrong?

 

[masquerade]

Women don't require any rules!
We make the rules!
And we as women, have the right to change our minds at a moments notice, which in turn may alter the rule.

So guys .. you just gatta keep up!

 

[Dis]

Women don't require any rules!
We make the rules!
And we as women, have the right to change our minds at a moments notice, which in turn may alter the rule.

So guys .. you just gatta keep up!

Women can change any rule at any time, and then men WILL keep up, so long as you have a sandwich perched on top of a beer in one hand, and a lacy negligee in the other.

 

[jillian]

wow, that isn't ten years oold.

yep....

 

[masquerade]

Women don't require any rules!
We make the rules!
And we as women, have the right to change our minds at a moments notice, which in turn may alter the rule.

So guys .. you just gatta keep up!

Women can change any rule at any time, and then men WILL keep up, so long as you have a sandwich perched on top of a beer in one hand, and a lacy negligee in the other.

Here I was thinking you were going to say .. a sandwich perched on top of a beer can in one hand, and the remote in the other. LOL

 

[Douger]

Like my old man said.
We got all of the brains and they got all of the pussy.
They won by a long shot.

 

[Dis]

Women don't require any rules!
We make the rules!
And we as women, have the right to change our minds at a moments notice, which in turn may alter the rule.

So guys .. you just gatta keep up!

Women can change any rule at any time, and then men WILL keep up, so long as you have a sandwich perched on top of a beer in one hand, and a lacy negligee in the other.

Here I was thinking you were going to say .. a sandwich perched on top of a beer can in one hand, and the remote in the other. LOL

Nope.. If they've got food, and even the slightest hint of sex, they'll throw the remote out the window themselves.

 

[PoliticalChic]

Women don't require any rules!
We make the rules!
And we as women, have the right to change our minds at a moments notice, which in turn may alter the rule.

So guys .. you just gatta keep up!

Women can change any rule at any time, and then men WILL keep up, so long as you have a sandwich perched on top of a beer in one hand, and a lacy negligee in the other.

Here I was thinking you were going to say .. a sandwich perched on top of a beer can in one hand, and the remote in the other. LOL

Let's talk science here:

All men are base metal, and women are the strongest magnet in the world.

And we all know were due North is.

 

[masquerade]

Women can change any rule at any time, and then men WILL keep up, so long as you have a sandwich perched on top of a beer in one hand, and a lacy negligee in the other.

Here I was thinking you were going to say .. a sandwich perched on top of a beer can in one hand, and the remote in the other. LOL

Nope.. If they've got food, and even the slightest hint of sex, they'll throw the remote out the window themselves.

LOL ~ You speak the truth Dis! I can't argue or debate that!

 

[Madeline]