Report: Jared Kushner asks Daddy to bribe his way into Electoral College!

DrLove

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—With less than a week until Election Day, Jared Kushner has asked his father to bribe his way into the Electoral College.​
Noting that Charles Kushner donated two and a half million dollars to Harvard before his son was accepted, Jared pointed out that his dad “might have to pony up more this time around.”​
“The Electoral College only accepts five hundred and thirty-eight applicants,” he reportedly told his dad. “Even Lori Loughlin couldn’t get her kids in.”​
In addition to persuading his father to “make it rain on the E.C.,” Jared said that he was putting together a “stellar” application.​
“I’m pretty sure I can get a letter of recommendation from Bob Woodward,” he said. “We had an awesome interview.”​
Between his father’s “Benjamins” and his own “rock-star status,” Jared said that his admission to the Electoral College should be “a lock,” arguing, “How can they turn down the guy who ended the pandemic?”​

 

Viktor

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—With less than a week until Election Day, Jared Kushner has asked his father to bribe his way into the Electoral College.​
Noting that Charles Kushner donated two and a half million dollars to Harvard before his son was accepted, Jared pointed out that his dad “might have to pony up more this time around.”​
“The Electoral College only accepts five hundred and thirty-eight applicants,” he reportedly told his dad. “Even Lori Loughlin couldn’t get her kids in.”​
In addition to persuading his father to “make it rain on the E.C.,” Jared said that he was putting together a “stellar” application.​
“I’m pretty sure I can get a letter of recommendation from Bob Woodward,” he said. “We had an awesome interview.”​
Between his father’s “Benjamins” and his own “rock-star status,” Jared said that his admission to the Electoral College should be “a lock,” arguing, “How can they turn down the guy who ended the pandemic?”​

If you think that's funny, you are more perverted than Borowitz.
 

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