Relationship Discussions Thread

[Joz]

alright--what needs are you talking bout here??

Some people require their partner to have in-depth conversations with them, for example. If they get a partner who'd rather be by themselves, problems erupt. NO person can be EVERYTHING to their partner.....that's why we have friends. But if important needs aren't or won't be met by your partner, then, unintentionally, you get those needs met....however you can.....and that can be REAL trouble.

 

[dilloduck]

Some people require their partner to have in-depth conversations with them, for example. If they get a partner who'd rather be by themselves, problems erupt. NO person can be EVERYTHING to their partner.....that's why we have friends. But if important needs aren't or won't be met by your partner, then, unintentionally, you get those needs met....however you can.....and that can be REAL trouble.

UNINTENTIONALLY ???

 

[Joz]

UNINTENTIONALLY ???

Scenario: Man & woman are togehter. Man comes home & eats dinner, then watches TV for the night.......EVERY night. The woman just wants adult conversation, for her hubby to act like he's slightly interested in her; and not just to bang her when he needs a release.
So, one day, she's at the library. Picks up a book, some man comments it's good, they chat a minute, they go their seperate ways. Maybe next week, she's at the library again, and lo & behold who does she run in to. A little more conversation.
Eventually, this woman begins to look forward to going to the library because someone finds her interesting, someone is paying attention to her. See where I'm going?

 

[Nienna]

It depends on what you are taking. If you truly love somebody what they give will be taken in the way it was given rather than judged.

For example, it is love when somebody gives you a gift that is accepted gratefully and willingly recognizing the motive behind the gift, even if it is something you already have, didn't like to begin with, and were ready to throw away yesterday but didn't have the time.

Love is recognizing the personal value of a gift even though the intrinsic value may be "too large" for you to accept politely, or "too small" to be of monetary value to yourself.

There is more to love than simply giving.

In short, it is important to realize that love can be accepting what others are giving as much as giving of yourself.

My grandma tole my mama... "Being a gracious receiver is a gift in and of itself." It's still giving.

I am not talking about allowing someone to walk all over you. In a case like that, the most loving/giving thing to do is to stand up for yourself. Giving doesn't always mean giving them their own way. It means giving them what is good.

 

[dilloduck]

Scenario: Man & woman are togehter. Man comes home & eats dinner, then watches TV for the night.......EVERY night. The woman just wants adult conversation, for her hubby to act like he's slightly interested in her; and not just to bang her when he needs a release.
So, one day, she's at the library. Picks up a book, some man comments it's good, they chat a minute, they go their seperate ways. Maybe next week, she's at the library again, and lo & behold who does she run in to. A little more conversation.
Eventually, this woman begins to look forward to going to the library because someone finds her interesting, someone is paying attention to her. See where I'm going?

Ya to get a room

 

[dmp]

WHY?? Just because you love someone or someone loves you, doesn't mean a thing. Love is......just love.
But if you or someone else is in a relationship where their needs aren't being met, then I think that it should be looked at very carefully. I'm not talking about being waited on and your every whim met. Each of us needs certain things that make us feel good/complete/connected/loved/etc. If you can't get them from the person you're with, what good is the relationship???

At this point its a matter of:

Commitment > Needs

 

[Joz]

Ya to get a room

Hopefully it stops before there, but you've got the picture!

 

[Joz]

At this point its a matter of:

Commitment > Needs

What happens when the other person has already broken that committmen/covenant by their behavior/treatment, etc?

 

[Nienna]

At this point its a matter of:

Commitment > Needs

This is true. As long as you make sure you are committed to the right thing.

 

[dmp]

What happens when the other person has already broken that committmen/covenant by their behavior/treatment, etc?

I can only answer for 'my' actions. In spite of everything, I have to do what 'darin' thinks is right...regardless.

 

[dmp]

This is true. As long as you make sure you are committed to the right thing.

Committed to live up to one's 'promise'...

 

[Nienna]

Committed to live up to one's 'promise'...

This is a good thing, given that I assume you are a Christian. (Others might see this as nonsense.) You can rely on God to fill your other needs.

But...and this might be too personal, please don't be offended... if your wife is also a Christian, she needs to understand that she is responsible for giving of herself in this way, in a way that doesn't make you feel that you are imposing on her. She must have some emotional issues that keep her from enjoying the Father's gift of sex. As a husband, you need to encourage her to figure this out, for her sake as well as yours.

 

[dmp]

This is a good thing, given that I assume you are a Christian. (Others might see this as nonsense.) You can rely on God to fill your other needs.

But...and this might be too personal, please don't be offended... if your wife is also a Christian, she needs to understand that she is responsible for giving of herself in this way, in a way that doesn't make you feel that you are imposing on her. She must have some emotional issues that keep her from enjoying the Father's gift of sex. As a husband, you need to encourage her to figure this out, for her sake as well as yours.

She enjoys it...I know...she's not THAT good of an actor! :




or is she??? GasP!

 

[Joz]

This is a good thing, given that I assume you are a Christian. (Others might see this as nonsense.) You can rely on God to fill your other needs.

But...and this might be too personal, please don't be offended... if your wife is also a Christian, she needs to understand that she is responsible for giving of herself in this way, in a way that doesn't make you feel that you are imposing on her. She must have some emotional issues that keep her from enjoying the Father's gift of sex. As a husband, you need to encourage her to figure this out, for her sake as well as yours.

Finally. Somone on my side!

 

[Nienna]

Finally. Somone on my side!

 

[dilloduck]

Finally. Somone on my side!

and what side would that be??

 

[Joz]

and what side would that be??

You have to ask???? The right side, of course.

 

[Joz]

I'm going to try to explain my stance on sex in marriage a bit clearer.

Moe loves dessert. Moe eats dessert everyday, every meal. Moe is very happy. But one day, Moe realizes that even tho' he gorges on dessert, he gets waaay to hungry before it's time to eat again. So Moe decides to eat something else with his dessert. Little by little Moe realizes that by eating a full meal with his dessert, he stays satisfied much longer and is still happy.
You can't live by sex--the dessert-- alone in any relationship. You much have the meat & potatoes of a relationship first; the deep committment,friendship, conversation, mutual goals, faith, trust.....You can survive forever without ever having dessert, but by having both, you have a full & balanced union.

 

[dilloduck]

I'm going to try to explain my stance on sex in marriage a bit clearer.

Moe loves dessert. Moe eats dessert everyday, every meal. Moe is very happy. But one day, Moe realizes that even tho' he gorges on dessert, he gets waaay to hungry before it's time to eat again. So Moe decides to eat something else with his dessert. Little by little Moe realizes that by eating a full meal with his dessert, he stays satisfied much longer and is still happy.
You can't live by sex--the dessert-- alone in any relationship. You much have the meat & potatoes of a relationship first; the deep committment,friendship, conversation, mutual goals, faith, trust.....You can survive forever without ever having dessert, but by having both, you have a full & balanced union.

Why can't ya just have em all at the same time?

 

[Joz]

Why can't ya just have em all at the same time?

Isn't that what I said?