Lakhota, in first grade when the teacher laid the paper on your desk with the numbers and dots on it, and she said to you "Lakhota" just draw a line from one number to another in order to connect the dots (i.e.starting with the number one, and going in
corrective counting sequence from 1-20), and this you will do in order to bring forth the hidden picture on the paper for me.
But instead of you drawing a tree (I'd be almost willing to bet), in which was suppose to be the result afterwards, that you probably ended up drawing something crazy (i.e.going way out of the number sequence and all over the paper with your pencil), because your mind undoubtedly thinks crazy thoughts whenever attempting to connect the dots.
So you probably failed at connecting the dots back then, and it appears that you keep doing it now. No surprise to us, but a return to first grade might be needed for you it seems. Just sayin !!!!