Parents of Special Needs Children

[random3434]

Or anyone else for that matter. What do you think about these comments from the Rat Man? {Korimyr the Rat} I may be too close to the situation to comment to him right now without blowing a gasket. Thought I would get some parent's (or anyone else that wants to chime in) comments.


{this is from the adoption thread btw}

This is me replying to Rat Boy about his comments about "defective children"

Quote: Originally Posted by Echo Zulu
WHAT IN PRAY TELL IS A DEFECTIVE CHILD? One who is not "perfect?"

Rat Boy:
Noone is perfect. But the rest of the post indicates that you seem to know exactly what I am talking about. Doesn't seem to have been much point to asking me this question, except to attempt to argue that the children in question are not defective.

Considering the fact that, in order to be defective, a child must suffer from "birth defects" or "congenital deformities", I think trying to argue that they are not defective is an exercise in absurdity.


Quote: Originally Posted by Echo Zulu
Why don't you ask the parents here of special needs kids if they consider their children "defective."

Rat Boy:
Because I know how much they have sacrificed for their children, and that they love their children very much, and the very last thing that I would ever want to do is compound their tragedy by belittling them or by offending them any more than I can avoid. I am sincerely sorry that my opinion is so offensive to so many people, especially to people in a very difficult situation.

But that doesn't change the fact that I believe I'm right, and that all of the money and manpower that we spend on trying to give these people a "normal" life is a terrible waste. Telling them that they can have a normal life, and that they can do anything that normal people can do, is neither fair to them nor to all of the people who have to help them try to accomplish the impossible.


Quote: Originally Posted by Echo Zulu
Oh, and while you're at it, ask them when they think they will turn their children over to be 'wards of the state.'

Rat Boy:
From my experience, it's either within a couple of years of their child's eighteenth birthday, or when they realize that they are too old (or their finances too depleted) to continue caring for them. I am sure that those in the latter category would love to continue caring for their children forever-- but they're not going to live forever, and after they die their children are not miraculously going to become capable of taking care of themselves.

 

[strollingbones]

i have family members with cp...one can walk with braces one cannot...they are twin boys. the mother sucked up as much funds as she could...allowing all kinds of bullshit experimental surgery etc....she was the typical welfare queen....as soon as the boys turned 18..one went to a group home...one went to the grandmother..seems they were profitable at 18....

i have another friend..she is paid by the state to take care of her over 18 child...she refuses to warehouse him....she is perhaps 100 lbs...he is well over 200...it is only a matter of time before he harms her...he will not mean too but he will....people who cannot communicate their needs get very frustrated and express things they only way they have physcially...

 

[KittenKoder]

I use to teach a fifth grade class for special kids. They were the most awesome kids I knew back then. It was a class in high school on Social Studies. Taught them for a full semester.

Then my first real job I had a retarded co-worker, they had him working only one position, the easiest one of course. Well, after a week I had trained him on half the kitchen positions. He was one of the hardest and most reliable employees we ever had.

Anyone who considers them worth less than the rest of us needs to be shipped off to prison.

 

[strollingbones]

the questions seems to be about mainstreaming...i dont agree with mainstreaming....autistic child here....in the 5th grade...beat his teacher up in front of the class...his mother has insisted he be placed in a "normal" class...he became frustrated and did the only thing he knew to do...hit...

the teacher was beaten badly before the wee ones who were in total shock thought to get help

 

[strollingbones]

o bullshit kitten you can say that..but if there is the end of the world and only so much room on the vehicle to escape...you gonna take people who can rebuild or the handicapped....

yall can be all feel good about this but the rat boy has a point

 

[alan1]

I've got so many smart-assed responses for this thread, but I think I'll keep them to myself for right now.

 

[Said1]

I think it depends on the level of impairment. On the other hand, some of these programs are designed to get the child out of the home for several hours, with supervised care. I can think of a number of reasons why this would be necessary, where it is beneficial to the adult/s, hence the family as a whole.

 

[KittenKoder]

o bullshit kitten you can say that..but if there is the end of the world and only so much room on the vehicle to escape...you gonna take people who can rebuild or the handicapped....

yall can be all feel good about this but the rat boy has a point

Laborers are important, and how many "normal" people do you know are willing to do labor? Hell, we need illegal immigrants for most of those jobs, even now when the high paying jobs are getting laid off. You can train even the most mentally retarded person to do almost any redundant task and they don't give you lip about it or whine for undeserved pay raises. The employee I trained was my co-pilot in the kitchen, with him I needed no other employees. It's why he and I kept getting pay raises. He had the mental ability of a five year old, a fucking five year old, and could handle the positions I trained him on better than any "normal" person was ever able to do. He always showed up on time, often early, and never complained. The only employees that I have had which could come close to his level of performance were Mexican immigrants (legal but still new to the country).

As for your "end of the world" scenario, if we did have the technology to escape such an event then it wouldn't matter, now would it?

 

[Seraega]

I don't know how to respond without sounding rude. It seems to me that Rat Boy was doing his best to be respectful. I can personally relate to this as I just became a father about 8 months ago along with my best friend. My wife's pregnancy went rather smoothly, but his wife's did not. They were faced with a lot of pressure to abort. Down Syndrome is at something like an 85-90% abortion rate now, and other diseases aren't far behind. I'm not in favor of outright eugenics, but I really don't see anything wrong with parents making this choice. There's nothing noble about sacrificing your life (and your family) to support a child that has little chance of leading a healthy, productive life.

 

[random3434]

Thanks for your opinions/comments to those have responded so far. Interesting.

I would love to hear some comments from parents of special needs children. Do they agree with Rat Boy that their children are "defective?"

 

[xsited1]

Two special needs kids here!

It looks like Rat Boy is making some valid points, but you are focusing on one thing that bothers you and end up blowing a gasket in the process. Sometimes you get too emotional to discuss a topic. Best to walk away.

 

[random3434]

Two special needs kids here!

It looks like Rat Boy is making some valid points, but you are focusing on one thing that bothers you and end up blowing a gasket in the process. Sometimes you get too emotional to discuss a topic. Best to walk away.

I know I do get too emotional, that's why I wanted some parents opinions.


I won't make any more comments until some reply. Maybe I'm over reacting? That's why I want the PARENTS to comment. I'm just a teacher of special needs kids, and I DON'T consider them defective......................

 

[manu1959]

maybe we should cut off rat boys funding.....him being defective and all....

 

[xsited1]

Two special needs kids here!

It looks like Rat Boy is making some valid points, but you are focusing on one thing that bothers you and end up blowing a gasket in the process. Sometimes you get too emotional to discuss a topic. Best to walk away.

I know I do get too emotional, that's why I wanted some parents opinions.


I won't make any more comments until some reply. Maybe I'm over reacting? That's why I want the PARENTS to comment. I'm just a teacher of special needs kids, and I DON'T consider them defective......................

Yes, you do get too emotional. I've seen it happen on numerous occassions. When you get into this state, you overreact, stop seeing things clearly and attack the poster with accusations that are not always true.

Yes, I am a parent of special needs kids (as I clearly stated). No, wouldn't call them defective, but let's take a look at the definition of the word 'defective':

"...falling below the norm in structure or in mental or physical function."

That's a special needs kid. How do you think we lost one of our children due to a serious genetic disease? Did that just happen because they were perfect in every way?

No, I would never call them defective nor even consider them defective. As I've told them many times, "God doesn't make junk." We are all here for a reason. Love binds us together. Our differences make us great. But special needs kids need special attention. They are clearly not the norm. They can achieve greatness and many do. Don't ever call them defective, but accept the fact that they are different.

 

[random3434]

Two special needs kids here!

It looks like Rat Boy is making some valid points, but you are focusing on one thing that bothers you and end up blowing a gasket in the process. Sometimes you get too emotional to discuss a topic. Best to walk away.

I know I do get too emotional, that's why I wanted some parents opinions.


I won't make any more comments until some reply. Maybe I'm over reacting? That's why I want the PARENTS to comment. I'm just a teacher of special needs kids, and I DON'T consider them defective......................

Yes, you do get too emotional. I've seen it happen on numerous occassions. When you get into this state, you overreact, stop seeing things clearly and attack the poster with accusations that are not always true.

Yes, I am a parent of special needs kids (as I clearly stated). No, wouldn't call them defective, but let's take a look at the definition of the word 'defective':

"...falling below the norm in structure or in mental or physical function."

That's a special needs kid. How do you think we lost one of our children due to a serious genetic disease? Did that just happen because they were perfect in every way?

No, I would never call them defective nor even consider them defective. As I've told them many times, "God doesn't make junk." We are all here for a reason. Love binds us together. Our differences make us great. But special needs kids need special attention. They are clearly not the norm. They can achieve greatness and many do. Don't ever call them defective, but accept the fact that they are different.

Thank you for sharing that xsited, I'm sure that must have been hard for you.

You are right, our differences make us great. All children serve a purpose here on earth.

I am sorry for your loss, but being a Christian Man you know you will all be reunited one day!

 

[Luissa]

I do think some parents are better at handling special needs children than other but I do know most don't refer to them as defective. I have never heard any of the parents on here you have children that are special needs refer to their children as defective.
My friend's little sister had a child two weeks before I had mine who was born with a condition they have never seen a child born with that lived, her little sister gave the child up for adoption which she was going to do anyways because her sister was only fifteen. The little girl actually passed away a week and half ago but she lived longer than they thought she would and they also learned quite a bit from her case.

 

[Dis]

My guess is that asking parents of special needs kids if their kids are defective are only going to get you opinions that agree with your own, since they've all kept their children. But, what about those that haven't kept them?

Asking society as a whole if they're considered defective might open another whole can of worms, and might be a bit enlightening, if one can get over the emotional aspect of the conversation, and think/speak with an open mind, and complete honesty.

 

[random3434]

My guess is that asking parents of special needs kids if their kids are defective are only going to get you opinions that agree with your own, since they've all kept their children. But, what about those that haven't kept them?

Asking society as a whole if they're considered defective might open another whole can of worms, and might be a bit enlightening, if one can get over the emotional aspect of the conversation, and think/speak with an open mind, and complete honesty.

If you read the first post of mine on here, you see that I have asked anyone to comment, which some did who are NOT parents of special needs kids.

I am TRYING to not get so emotional about this, as I said to xsited in another post.

Thanks for your concern.

Now, you've commented on the way I've asked the question, what are your comments about the question itself?

 

[Luissa]

my friend refered to himself as a lemon the other day because he has certain health issues. Everyone has something "wrong" about them. With some people the thing that is different about them can just be more serious than others. I was born with bad ankles and I have spinal defect. I wonder if my parents think I am defective.

 

[Red Dawn]

Or anyone else for that matter. What do you think about these comments from the Rat Man? {Korimyr the Rat}

He's a geeky (his own admission) psycho trolling for the attention he can't get in real life.

that's my guess.