Diuretic
Permanently confused
"In an eerie throwback to the mid-West ergot fungus contagions of previous centuries millions of Americans today reported that they had developed extra-sensory perception. Scientists are baffled by the claims but have decided to investigate rather than dismissing them. At this early stage investigators have established that the claims of ESP seem to be coming from reactionaries and other right-wingers. A correlation between consuming Fox News, WorldNetDaily and supermarket magazines has been established.
The claims of ESP seem to relate only to one phenomenon, the speech by President Obama to the nation's school students. Individuals claim that they know what is in the speech and that it is an exhortation to socialism by Mr Obama. Despite the White House releasing a copy of the proposed speech angry reactionaries are insistent that their visions were correct and are calling for the release of the “real” speech, the one they claim to have seen in their episodes of ESP.
'It could be a nationwide example of 'mid-West madness', Dr Karmen Cense of the Centers for Rumor Control says, 'but it may also not be a result of contagion, it could simply be the sort of mass hysteria that drove the hangings of “witches” in Salem, Massachusetts.'
This is Rod Serling reporting for Nutwork News."
The claims of ESP seem to relate only to one phenomenon, the speech by President Obama to the nation's school students. Individuals claim that they know what is in the speech and that it is an exhortation to socialism by Mr Obama. Despite the White House releasing a copy of the proposed speech angry reactionaries are insistent that their visions were correct and are calling for the release of the “real” speech, the one they claim to have seen in their episodes of ESP.
'It could be a nationwide example of 'mid-West madness', Dr Karmen Cense of the Centers for Rumor Control says, 'but it may also not be a result of contagion, it could simply be the sort of mass hysteria that drove the hangings of “witches” in Salem, Massachusetts.'
This is Rod Serling reporting for Nutwork News."
