My Wife's Birthday.

[JW Frogen]

I wake up this morning so worse for my wear I could become a leather couch in a Texas brothel.

My wife's birthday this Saturday.

I wake up after my zombie night and say "My birthday present to you will be a sober husband."

But my wife replies, "Oh fuck off, you promise this every year. I want a necklace, and let Sammy pick it out."

 

[Madeline]

You have married yourself a wunnerful woman, JW. Now part with the cash, and wish her a happy birthday from all your USMB fans, of which I am one.

 

[Bootneck]

I wake up this morning so worse for my wear I could become a leather couch in a Texas brothel.

My wife's birthday this Saturday.

I wake up after my zombie night and say "My birthday present to you will be a sober husband."

But my wife replies, "Oh fuck off, you promise this every year. I want a necklace, and let Sammy pick it out."

A pearl necklace?

 

[Dis]

I wake up this morning so worse for my wear I could become a leather couch in a Texas brothel.

My wife's birthday this Saturday.

I wake up after my zombie night and say "My birthday present to you will be a sober husband."

But my wife replies, "Oh fuck off, you promise this every year. I want a necklace, and let Sammy pick it out."

So do the right thing and give her both.

And throw in a nice ring to match that necklace just for good measure, cause I guarantee, if you drank that much, and you were my husband, you wouldn't have lived to see many birthdays for anyone, much less yourself.

 

[JW Frogen]

Well it is 9 AM and one gift is out the window, so I better get a beautiful fucking necklace.

 

[007]

Ya know something JW... I think if you drank a fraction as much as you would like us to believe, you'd be DEAD by now. It doesn't take too many years of drinking as hard as you purport before you wind up with Cirrhosis of the liver, and then, you're dead.

My two cents. Sorry pard, I don't buy your act. It's about as convincing as xo saying he's a doctor...

 

[syrenn]

I wake up this morning so worse for my wear I could become a leather couch in a Texas brothel.

My wife's birthday this Saturday.

I wake up after my zombie night and say "My birthday present to you will be a sober husband."

But my wife replies, "Oh fuck off, you promise this every year. I want a necklace, and let Sammy pick it out."

Sober enough to do what?

 

[JW Frogen]

Ya know something JW... I think if you drank a fraction as much as you would like us to believe, you'd be DEAD by now. It doesn't take too many years of drinking as hard as you purport before you wind up with Cirrhosis of the liver, and then, you're dead.

My two cents. Sorry pard, I don't buy your act. It's about as convincing as xo saying he's a doctor...

No my friend, I understand, I get it. I understand your doubt because I doubt it.


I can not believe how much I can drink.

I can never prove this, (only my wife knows the effects, my tolerance is so high even my co-workers do not know how plastered I am) and is it really something to be proud to prove anyway?

But I can drink beyond my own belief and yours, and it would seem to tomorrow too.

 

[JW Frogen]

So far.

 

[JW Frogen]

The one thing I can do better than anyone else will kill me, and most people will never know I really did it.

Jesus went to a cross, and his followers never understood he really died there.

 

[JW Frogen]

Some times I think if I could stay sober I would believe myself God, and or make a fine Totalitarian.

I think I would rather drink and live with the rest of you down here.

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

Inside the card...

Your welcome. I still find you attractive after all these years.

Love
Your cheating spouse


now straddle the bathroom sink and assume the position.

I wake up this morning so worse for my wear I could become a leather couch in a Texas brothel.

My wife's birthday this Saturday.

I wake up after my zombie night and say "My birthday present to you will be a sober husband."

But my wife replies, "Oh fuck off, you promise this every year. I want a necklace, and let Sammy pick it out."

 

[JW Frogen]

Is it cheating if you are honest?

We write our own rules in life, or others write them for us.

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

Is it cheating if you are honest?

We write our own rules in life, or others write them for us.

I think marriage and it's vows are silly. But then again, I have a mind of my own.

Happy Anniversary can be the hardest words to hear.

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

What is cheating?

I never cheat at solitaire and it amazes most of my moralistic friends.

 

[JW Frogen]

Solitare is where all honesty is played out.

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

Solitare is where all honesty is played out.

In the quiet solitude of the secret sharer. Joe Conrad was on to something.


You have a partner in real life? Play this song for them...


[youtube]OwujtBm44Wc[/youtube]

...or take a walk. Because, loneliness is just a word.

 

[JW Frogen]

"Loneliness is just a word"

That is so good I have to steal it.

 

[strollingbones]

so frogen...what do you buy your g/f on yalls anniversary?

 

[007]

Ya know something JW... I think if you drank a fraction as much as you would like us to believe, you'd be DEAD by now. It doesn't take too many years of drinking as hard as you purport before you wind up with Cirrhosis of the liver, and then, you're dead.

My two cents. Sorry pard, I don't buy your act. It's about as convincing as xo saying he's a doctor...

No my friend, I understand, I get it. I understand your doubt because I doubt it.


I can not believe how much I can drink.

I can never prove this, (only my wife knows the effects, my tolerance is so high even my co-workers do not know how plastered I am) and is it really something to be proud to prove anyway?

But I can drink beyond my own belief and yours, and it would seem to tomorrow too.

You see... one other thing tips your hand as a fake as well, and that's your perfect typing and grammar. If you were half as drunk as you say you normally are, you'd make mistakes, but you don't. You type as well as most here, and a drunk wouldn't be able to do that. How do I know? Hell man, I've tried to type while drunk myself, and it's next to impossible. It requires far to many motor skills for a drunk to accomplish.

So, maybe you'd like to come clean and explain to everyone why you persist with this ruse as a drunk...