my mother has stage 5 alzheimer's...learn with me...

[saveliberty]

I guess you could call DSS and report her. I'm guessing if you say she's abusing her husband, he'd agree.

i guess if i were white trash i could....but someone has to try to be reasonable and all

I know the feeling.

But why does it have to be me?

Amen to that sister. Been there done that, repeat often.

 

[strollingbones]

alt was here earlier...one of her favorite sayings....the right thing is never the easy thing....i told her ...one day...you are gonna say that and i am gonna break your jaw....

 

[strollingbones]

we are waiting to go see her..then go down east..and look for papers..we have never just been focused on the papers ...so we are hoping for a quick find and then right back home...that is what we hope for....
now what happens between now and then...who knows....her meddling sister has my mom to saying she wants to die and will kill herself....

you know you can find a hit man for about 100 bucks in fayetteville....lol knowing my luck it would be a damned cop

 

[strollingbones]

hit man is jokingly for aunt

 

[Vel]

we are waiting to go see her..then go down east..and look for papers..we have never just been focused on the papers ...so we are hoping for a quick find and then right back home...that is what we hope for....
now what happens between now and then...who knows....her meddling sister has my mom to saying she wants to die and will kill herself....

you know you can find a hit man for about 100 bucks in fayetteville....lol knowing my luck it would be a damned cop

My mom stuffs every important paper she has into the Bible. Good luck on the paper find.

 

[saveliberty]

hit man is jokingly for aunt

Keep them on speed dial. The lawyers might piss you off again.

 

[JenyEliza]

keep the cat....just keep the cat...

well as the stomach churns:

my aunt reported me to social services for elder abuse....

i find this out today as i am visiting my mom and the social worker shows up....seems my aunt has just fucked herself as he is not even opening an investigation...said he has to make a visit...he did and has seen that she is being taken care of....

my vet bill was $198 bucks today....o the knee fix on the dog....even more

Funny and true story here, bones.

My Grandmother lived with my Uncle (her youngest of 3 boys) in her later years. She drove until damned near 90 years old, when she began "bumping into" everything between the town she lived in and Washington DC.

Uncle (and insurance agent) jointly decided it was time to take the keys away from Grandmom and sell her car. Prior to this Agent wisely advised Uncle to take pictures of each "bump" Grandmom had and keep a file of every incident.

So, Uncle placed an ad in Craigs list, sells her car (a beautiful Mercedes she loved almost as much as her dog) without so much as telling her. She goes to find her keys and no car key. Then she looks for the car---NO CAR! WTH!!!! SOMEBODY STOLE HER CAR!

Uncle tells her no, that he had sold the car and he would be providing her with a town car and driver whenever she needed to go anywhere (he could afford the $35 charge each time vs. the deductibles he was paying for her "bumps"). Pissed her off, it did!

So....SHE CALLS ELDER SERVICES and reports my Uncle for ABUSING HER by selling her car. Of course, like you said, if a report is made they HAVE to come out and look into it. When the Elder Services agent shows up, Uncle pulls out his trusty file and shows it to the agent. Then the agent meets with my Grandmother who went absolutely ape-shit nutty on her about her car being STOLEN BY HER SON and how he was ABUSING HER AND KEEPING HER A PRISONER. rofl.

The agent came back to talk to my Uncle and apologized for even having to be there, there was no case and she also said she was really sorry about leaving her with him, but if she ever became more than he could handle "here's a number you can call for help to get her in assisted living, yada yadas"

Oh my gosh. My grandmother made so much noise over her stolen car. She called all of her children and begged them to get a car for her. Then she called all of her adult grandchildren to do the same. Of course, NONE of us could or would. We knew she didn't need to drive anymore. It broke our hearts, she was really worked up.

Eventually she got used to the Town Car and driver thing, but....not for long. She fell and broke her hip which took a huge toll on her physically. And just about the time that got healed up, she fell and broke the other one. She lived a few months past that and her body began to fail on her. She died peacefully at the age of 94, with hospice at the house, along with my Uncle, cousins and those who could get there in time. Unfortunately, I wasn't notified of her grave condition in time to get to her, but I think of her every day and miss her dearly.

Your Aunt's story brought a smile to my face....it reminded me of my Grandma's "Stolen Benz". He he he.

God bless, you Grandmom! I miss you.

 

[strollingbones]

well i went home...i found 'her drawer' i found the last will and health care poa....i never could find the durable....which leads me to believe she never got it....i found all her copies etc...she had legal work going back to 1962...she does not toss anything. i will try to meet with a elder care lawyer today...if possible....

we took mom out saturday... we get her back about 3 ish..she says she is sleepy...my son goes in about 5 ish and she has no memory of me being there.

she would settle in and be happy if my aunt would stay out of it..i need to focus on my mother not all this bullmal stuff...

 

[Foxfyre]

well i went home...i found 'her drawer' i found the last will and health care poa....i never could find the durable....which leads me to believe she never got it....i found all her copies etc...she had legal work going back to 1962...she does not toss anything. i will try to meet with a elder care lawyer today...if possible....

we took mom out saturday... we get her back about 3 ish..she says she is sleepy...my son goes in about 5 ish and she has no memory of me being there.

she would settle in and be happy if my aunt would stay out of it..i need to focus on my mother not all this bullmal stuff...

You may be right that your mom would be more content if she wasn't being intentionally provoked to be ill contented. It has been my experience with difficult loved ones, however, that they find reasons to be difficult no matter what. And from my limited knowledge of Alzheimers, one of the manifestations is a propensity to be difficult. When they are aware, the victims are angry and frightened that their world is changing against their will--and in their defense who wouldn't be--and they frequently take it out on the handiest targets. Which of course is you. That doesn't make it easier.

 

[strollingbones]

met with another lawyer ..so they could tell me i needed a guardianship....and she doesnt do that....oddly her web site says she does....but i am no better off...

 

[saveliberty]

You didn't forget us did you HB?

 

[strollingbones]

no i havent forgotten....but we all needed a break...and daisy needed attention....

we cant find the lost orginial of the durable power of attorney...but other than that....things are going kinda good.....i guess..hell its just day by day at this point...she wants to go home...i get this for hours....i want my own dentist..well apparently she aint been going to a dentist....she has crown that the procelin on top is broken....on and on

 

[saveliberty]

Daisy wanted to go home pretty bad too. Bolted from the truck to the house. If Mom can run that fast, I say let her go home. Not going to happen. lol

How are the Dove Bars going? Have you tried getting her to color? My Mom tried to get her Mom to concentrate by coloring.

 

[strollingbones]

nay she spends her days writing letters...to everyone....about how much she hates me....yesterday the letter was to the doctor ...telling him to tell me....to let her go home....

i got the dove bars, the right ones....vanilla covered in chocolate...not the dark chocolate ones..the blanket i got her....she thinks comes with the room...is ugly...just flat out ugly and she will not have it out....she gets cocoa from downstairs....there is not one fucking step in the entire building....not one...
the nurses say that is common..that the old folks are always going upstairs or downstairs.

she hugged me and told me she loved me...so it was a good day...and now i have to quit fucking off and head to boone...55 miles round trip...takes about 1.5 hours...due to traffic...lets see how today goes...but i got to get too it..she may want to go out...course all she wants is to go home.

funny ... no matter how sorry our lives are...we just all want to go home...

terry wants to go home...my mom wants to go home...the concept of home..where we are in control

 

[saveliberty]

Control at home? Seriously? I have a wife at home (reduced control right from the start). The A/C broke two weeks ago, no control over that. The full bath on the main floor needs to be totally removed and redone. Grass will need to be mowed on its schedule, not mine by Friday. How about those dishes and luandry? Your Mom controls more people right where she is at, if she stopped to think about it.

 

[strollingbones]

o i am fully aware that she has a staff and 3 of us at her beck and call...today was bad...i ended up just sobbing as she fussed at me...she refused to hug me and is back to i dont lover her enough or i would take her home...she now wants to know why she cant live at home with aids.....reason..well mom they would be black and you would be tossing them out....it would not be pretty...

i am exhausted....i did paperwork all morning..then visited her...and that just took the wind out of my sails...i just wanna be an old hippee....suddenly i dont have the time or luxury to be that...i have to be on top of all these things...its hell when you day revolves around mom having the right cocoa

 

[strollingbones]

so i sobbed my heart out all the way home ..then went and got sticky buns....i am gonna be one fat heifer at this rate

 

[saveliberty]

o i am fully aware that she has a staff and 3 of us at her beck and call...today was bad...i ended up just sobbing as she fussed at me...she refused to hug me and is back to i dont lover her enough or i would take her home...she now wants to know why she cant live at home with aids.....reason..well mom they would be black and you would be tossing them out....it would not be pretty...

i am exhausted....i did paperwork all morning..then visited her...and that just took the wind out of my sails...i just wanna be an old hippee....suddenly i dont have the time or luxury to be that...i have to be on top of all these things...its hell when you day revolves around mom having the right cocoa

Maybe they can move the cocoa cart to the main floor.
Spend a few minutes tomorrow having her show you where the stairway to the cocoa is.
Then you can have a little talk on why people who imagine things belong in 24 hour care facilities. Dove bars with dark chocolate? Your Mom is right, that is the wrong chocolate for a Dove bar. The trick here is to make sure she stays crazier than you okay?

You are strong and being the caring daughter all parents want to have. Write it down and put it in front of your mirror. Look at it in the morning and right before bed.

 

[strollingbones]

o i am fully aware that she has a staff and 3 of us at her beck and call...today was bad...i ended up just sobbing as she fussed at me...she refused to hug me and is back to i dont lover her enough or i would take her home...she now wants to know why she cant live at home with aids.....reason..well mom they would be black and you would be tossing them out....it would not be pretty...

i am exhausted....i did paperwork all morning..then visited her...and that just took the wind out of my sails...i just wanna be an old hippee....suddenly i dont have the time or luxury to be that...i have to be on top of all these things...its hell when you day revolves around mom having the right cocoa

Maybe they can move the cocoa cart to the main floor.
Spend a few minutes tomorrow having her show you where the stairway to the cocoa is.
Then you can have a little talk on why people who imagine things belong in 24 hour care facilities. Dove bars with dark chocolate? Your Mom is right, that is the wrong chocolate for a Dove bar. The trick here is to make sure she stays crazier than you okay?

You are strong and being the caring daughter all parents want to have. Write it down and put it in front of your mirror. Look at it in the morning and right before bed.

you are so bad....i thought about having her take me downstairs to get water....but wth....why fuck with her...like that....but yea..the dark chocolate dove bars didnt suit her...
o she says jump....we dont even say how high...we just start jumping...she doesnt do that to my son....i love when she says..that her doctor was only concerned about her losing her mind and that he never said she couldnt drive or live alone.

 

[strollingbones]

that is the catch 22....she doesnt remember the talks, we have the same talks every 10 minutes or sooner