- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
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One last heist fable, inspired by the exciting Michael Mann film LA Takedown. Thanks for reading (Merry Christmas!),
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Isaac Satan, a UCLA professor of literature and psychoanalysis, just purchased a very nice apartment in downtown Los Angeles. He doubled now as the prince of thieves in the City of Angels. Isaac donned the LA thief alias 'Elf' and quickly became reputed to be the greatest thief in US history since Dillinger himself. No one knew Elf was actually the esteemed UCLA professor Isaac Satan, author of the incredible book Becoming Capitalist: Mirrors/Depression.
ISAAC ("Elf"): What makes bank robbery so iconic and romantic in Los Angeles and the United States is its focus on the frailty of federalism, banking institutions, capitalism itself, and traffic in developed cities, which is why my 'Elf' alias signifies my special focus on the metaphysical 'magic' of this city's great waves of asset downfalls!
LA TIMES: "We all find this 'Elf' bank robber very thrilling, but are we deifying a new age Dillinger for the sake of press?"
Well, 'Elf' (Isaac Satan) had robbed three major banks in Los Angeles, and one of the heists was of $10 million diamonds belonging to a very wealthy Saudi investor living in Hollywood. Elf was credited as perhaps taking down the prestige and underworld aura of a reputed Muslim warlord reputed to be linked to neo-terrorist groups all over North America. Nevertheless, all 'Elf' cared about regarding this 'magical' heist was of course the diamonds themselves. He was a 'classic' thief and not a politically-immersed gangster, you see. People simply wondered if this sort of press clouded the fact that Elf had a special weapon he always used for all his heists in LA.
Meanwhile, young impressionable readers and TV viewers weren't the only ones following and mesmerized by the dastardly Elf. In fact, two rival bank robbing gangs decided to form to challenge the 'dominion' of Elf in LA. One such gang was a punk rock loving underground club called the Nasties, led by a tattoo-artist named Neo and his girlfriend-mistress Sasha. The Nasties wanted to perform more daring and theatrical bank robberies designed to construct the folk-tale idea that Elf had started a 'wave' of crime in LA that made the city seem more like the Old West than the New World. Neo/Sasha and the Nasties therefore became a dangerous challenge to Elf, and Sasha was taking her boyfriend Neo to some media parties hosted by LA wigs regarding professional new age commercial securities in Hollywood, which was quite ironic.
NEO/NASTIES: "Sure, Elf is cool, but we Nasties intend to make our masked heists of armored cars and banks more...dramatic!"
The other bank robbing gang that rose to challenge the dominion of Elf in LA was the Ex-Presidents, a gang of robbers who always wore masks of former US Presidents, including Reagan and Carter. The Ex-Presidents robbed over 5 banks in just 3 months in and around LA, and their style of robbery was more violent and deadly than the style offered by the more graceful and calculating Elf (Isaac Satan). In fact, the Ex-Presidents claimed Elf, whoever he may be, was simply too 'archaic' to fit into this new LA landscape of pure piracy!
EX-PRESIDENTS: "We rob insured money from banks that claim they're 'well-immune' from the threat of pirates."
ELF (Isaac): "I think my mystique and dominion is shrinking, and I'm going to plan a diamond heist of an Apple center to resurface."
Meanwhile, Elf had met a beautiful young UCLA assistant professor named Ava who was studying the relationship between capitalism rebellion and new age terrorism. Elf found Ava brilliant and fascinating, but he wondered how he was going to harness all this new age LA energy and danger to offer Ava a life of security and happiness and true love. Elf (Isaac) wondered even if he was going to be a positive element in Ava's California life!
Elf walked into the Apple center in LA with a toy gun box containing a silver-plastic gun inserted with a glass tube containing corrosive HCL acid. He told the Apple center executive that he wished to observe the $5 million diamonds held in the safe-box of the center owned by a wealthy Hollywood movie producer and that he was a toy company consultant seeking to work with the movie studio owned by the wealthy producer. Once escorted inside the room with the safe-box, Elf revealed to the Apple center executive that his toy gun was filled with HCL and he wished to substitute the diamonds int he safe-box with the fake ones he had hidden in the soles of his shoes. Elf walked out of the Apple center with the real diamonds in the soles of his shoes, and the Apple executive wouldn't be able to identity the dastardly thief, since Elf (Isaac) was costumed in a wig and beard and face-skin makeup made to make himself look like he was a Caucasian man (rather than the Algerian-American brown-skinned man he was!).
The LAPD assigned hotshot rookie officer Leo Daniels to track all these frightening urban bank robbing gangs and to specifically track Elf (Isaac). Leo had a theory that Elf had some legitimate civilization 'identity' like a lawyer or teacher or artist and used the double-identity to forge his heists. Leo also believed Elf had some girlfriend or companion whom he could use to nab the wily LA bandit. LAPD officer Leo Daniels believed Elf's recent heist of the movie producer's diamonds from the Apple center in LA was a sign of the city's urgent need for creative new age law enforcement!
Elf used his diamond money to purchase for his UCLA girlfriend AVA a hot black Porsche. Ava and Elf fell in love and married. Elf never revealed to Ava his thief identity in LA, but he continued to harbor the magical belief that Ava was the real treasure island in his California life. He even converted to Christianity to feel closer to Ava, a faithful American Catholic.
LAPD OFFICER DANIELS: "I won't give up until Elf is in jail, and I won't surrender until his city mystique is completely destroyed."
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
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Isaac Satan, a UCLA professor of literature and psychoanalysis, just purchased a very nice apartment in downtown Los Angeles. He doubled now as the prince of thieves in the City of Angels. Isaac donned the LA thief alias 'Elf' and quickly became reputed to be the greatest thief in US history since Dillinger himself. No one knew Elf was actually the esteemed UCLA professor Isaac Satan, author of the incredible book Becoming Capitalist: Mirrors/Depression.
ISAAC ("Elf"): What makes bank robbery so iconic and romantic in Los Angeles and the United States is its focus on the frailty of federalism, banking institutions, capitalism itself, and traffic in developed cities, which is why my 'Elf' alias signifies my special focus on the metaphysical 'magic' of this city's great waves of asset downfalls!
LA TIMES: "We all find this 'Elf' bank robber very thrilling, but are we deifying a new age Dillinger for the sake of press?"
Well, 'Elf' (Isaac Satan) had robbed three major banks in Los Angeles, and one of the heists was of $10 million diamonds belonging to a very wealthy Saudi investor living in Hollywood. Elf was credited as perhaps taking down the prestige and underworld aura of a reputed Muslim warlord reputed to be linked to neo-terrorist groups all over North America. Nevertheless, all 'Elf' cared about regarding this 'magical' heist was of course the diamonds themselves. He was a 'classic' thief and not a politically-immersed gangster, you see. People simply wondered if this sort of press clouded the fact that Elf had a special weapon he always used for all his heists in LA.
Meanwhile, young impressionable readers and TV viewers weren't the only ones following and mesmerized by the dastardly Elf. In fact, two rival bank robbing gangs decided to form to challenge the 'dominion' of Elf in LA. One such gang was a punk rock loving underground club called the Nasties, led by a tattoo-artist named Neo and his girlfriend-mistress Sasha. The Nasties wanted to perform more daring and theatrical bank robberies designed to construct the folk-tale idea that Elf had started a 'wave' of crime in LA that made the city seem more like the Old West than the New World. Neo/Sasha and the Nasties therefore became a dangerous challenge to Elf, and Sasha was taking her boyfriend Neo to some media parties hosted by LA wigs regarding professional new age commercial securities in Hollywood, which was quite ironic.
NEO/NASTIES: "Sure, Elf is cool, but we Nasties intend to make our masked heists of armored cars and banks more...dramatic!"
The other bank robbing gang that rose to challenge the dominion of Elf in LA was the Ex-Presidents, a gang of robbers who always wore masks of former US Presidents, including Reagan and Carter. The Ex-Presidents robbed over 5 banks in just 3 months in and around LA, and their style of robbery was more violent and deadly than the style offered by the more graceful and calculating Elf (Isaac Satan). In fact, the Ex-Presidents claimed Elf, whoever he may be, was simply too 'archaic' to fit into this new LA landscape of pure piracy!
EX-PRESIDENTS: "We rob insured money from banks that claim they're 'well-immune' from the threat of pirates."
ELF (Isaac): "I think my mystique and dominion is shrinking, and I'm going to plan a diamond heist of an Apple center to resurface."
Meanwhile, Elf had met a beautiful young UCLA assistant professor named Ava who was studying the relationship between capitalism rebellion and new age terrorism. Elf found Ava brilliant and fascinating, but he wondered how he was going to harness all this new age LA energy and danger to offer Ava a life of security and happiness and true love. Elf (Isaac) wondered even if he was going to be a positive element in Ava's California life!
Elf walked into the Apple center in LA with a toy gun box containing a silver-plastic gun inserted with a glass tube containing corrosive HCL acid. He told the Apple center executive that he wished to observe the $5 million diamonds held in the safe-box of the center owned by a wealthy Hollywood movie producer and that he was a toy company consultant seeking to work with the movie studio owned by the wealthy producer. Once escorted inside the room with the safe-box, Elf revealed to the Apple center executive that his toy gun was filled with HCL and he wished to substitute the diamonds int he safe-box with the fake ones he had hidden in the soles of his shoes. Elf walked out of the Apple center with the real diamonds in the soles of his shoes, and the Apple executive wouldn't be able to identity the dastardly thief, since Elf (Isaac) was costumed in a wig and beard and face-skin makeup made to make himself look like he was a Caucasian man (rather than the Algerian-American brown-skinned man he was!).
The LAPD assigned hotshot rookie officer Leo Daniels to track all these frightening urban bank robbing gangs and to specifically track Elf (Isaac). Leo had a theory that Elf had some legitimate civilization 'identity' like a lawyer or teacher or artist and used the double-identity to forge his heists. Leo also believed Elf had some girlfriend or companion whom he could use to nab the wily LA bandit. LAPD officer Leo Daniels believed Elf's recent heist of the movie producer's diamonds from the Apple center in LA was a sign of the city's urgent need for creative new age law enforcement!
Elf used his diamond money to purchase for his UCLA girlfriend AVA a hot black Porsche. Ava and Elf fell in love and married. Elf never revealed to Ava his thief identity in LA, but he continued to harbor the magical belief that Ava was the real treasure island in his California life. He even converted to Christianity to feel closer to Ava, a faithful American Catholic.
LAPD OFFICER DANIELS: "I won't give up until Elf is in jail, and I won't surrender until his city mystique is completely destroyed."
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
