Jupiter Ascending

Sgt_Gath

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Jupiter Ascending


This wasn't a "good" movie, per se. It sure as Hell was a pretty one, however.


On the whole, I enjoyed it a lot. The film is basically a spiritual successor to the 1980s Flash Gordon movie, but with massively better special effects.

Some of the reviews I read claimed that the plot was hard to follow. Frankly, however, I didn't have a problem (though, it should be noted that I actually kind of like stories with complicated back stories and plenty of plot twists).

My only major problem with the film was that the first thirty minutes or so were bit a slow. The villain was also a bit underwhelming.

He was basically some scrawny English kid doing a "creepy Ralph Fines" impression. I'm sorry, but why not just get actual Ralph Fines, and cut out the middle man?


Additionally, while I get that he was supposed to be kind of weak and pathetic, it doesn't make for a particularly compelling climax when Mila Kunis is capable of manhandling your movie's main villain without even really having to exert herself. Just sayin'.


Overall: 6 out 10 (fun, and pretty, but ultimately flawed)
 

Judicial review

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I could ahve directed the movie better than that. Fucking 2/10. I snuck in the backdoor of the theater to see this one.. The best part was the hot nude scene. That ass was perfect.
 
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Sgt_Gath

Sgt_Gath

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I could ahve directed the movie better than that. Fucking 2/10. I snuck in the backdoor of the theater to see this one.. The best part was the hot nude scene. That ass was perfect.
"Dat ass" was pretty damn fine, come to think of it.

Pity we didn't see more of it.
 

Judicial review

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I could ahve directed the movie better than that. Fucking 2/10. I snuck in the backdoor of the theater to see this one.. The best part was the hot nude scene. That ass was perfect.
"Dat ass" was pretty damn fine, come to think of it.

Pity we didn't see more of it.
I was hoping for a full frontal view. Start from the top and work your way down. That's usually how it goes in porn movies. However, the ass is ALWAYS first.
 

ChrisL

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Jupiter Ascending


This wasn't a "good" movie, per se. It sure as Hell was a pretty one, however.


On the whole, I enjoyed it a lot. The film is basically a spiritual successor to the 1980s Flash Gordon movie, but with massively better special effects.

Some of the reviews I read claimed that the plot was hard to follow. Frankly, however, I didn't have a problem (though, it should be noted that I actually kind of like stories with complicated back stories and plenty of plot twists).

My only major problem with the film was that the first thirty minutes or so were bit a slow. The villain was also a bit underwhelming.

He was basically some scrawny English kid doing a "creepy Ralph Fines" impression. I'm sorry, but why not just get actual Ralph Fines, and cut out the middle man?


Additionally, while I get that he was supposed to be kind of weak and pathetic, it doesn't make for a particularly compelling climax when Mila Kunis is capable of manhandling your movie's main villain without even really having to exert herself. Just sayin'.


Overall: 6 out 10 (fun, and pretty, but ultimately flawed)

Additionally, while I get that he was supposed to be kind of weak and pathetic, it doesn't make for a particularly compelling climax when Mila Kunis is capable of manhandling your movie's main villain without even really having to exert herself. Just sayin'.


What's that supposed to mean? She's a tough bitch. :lol:
 

TheOldSchool

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I could ahve directed the movie better than that. Fucking 2/10. I snuck in the backdoor of the theater to see this one.. The best part was the hot nude scene. That ass was perfect.
I'm watching it right now. About halfway through. So far there's been one ass, and while it was nice it's far from perfect.
 

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