Jokes

[lg325]

85 Corny Jokes Everyone Will Laugh at to Celebrate National Tell a Joke Day

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

 

[App'z]

Lil Johnny a Baker marries and experiences a wonderful life, Children, grandchildren and good health. After many years of Sustainability A womans TV Show Host has Mrs. Lil Johnny as a guest on the Show. Mrs. Lil Johnny explains, "she's married Lil Johnny for his Buns."

 

[App'z]

A Blond walks into one of a Dozen Bars on a cruise ship,
Orders a Scotch, with two drops of water.
The bartender gives her the drink, and
she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday,
and it's today." The bartender answers,
"Well, since it's your birthday, this one's on me."
The Blond finishes her drink and a Blond Woman, to her right says,
I'd like to buy you a drink, too." The lady says, "Thank you,
how sweet of you. OK, then, Bartender, I want another Scotch, with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
And she finishes that drink, a man, to her left, says, "I'd like to buy you a drink too."
The Blond says, "Thank you very much, my dear. Bartender,
I'll have another Scotch, with two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says.
As he gives the Blond her drink, this time, he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old Blond gal giggles, and replies,
"Sonny, when you're my age,
you've learned how to hold your liquor.
Water, however, is a whole other issue."

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

ME!

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

And all of my taxes refunded.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[lg325]

View attachment 733396

 

[App'z]

Last night was very cold, I awoke to the shivers.
I hopped right up and put on my P.J.'s
Went to the throne and flushed it.
When I looked outside the Snowmen were playing.
So I went back to bed. It was all a good dream, I thought.

 

[App'z]

 

[Jim H - VA USA]

 

[Ringo]

Some say that the best gift is a gift made with your own hands. Others like it when they are given money. However, money made with their own hands pleases few people.

 

[App'z]

The really good looking Blond is ridding on the highway and
in a hurry to get home.
She notices Red n Blues in the mirror so
Curves speeds up to give em room.
Soon she notices the Red n Blues are still in her mirrors
so after a few miles she slows and pulls over to let them pass.
As she sits there her Bikes motor wafting heat in her curls,
a really Hot LEO comes up to her right and
tells her that she has had a really tough day.
If the Georgius Blond with her helmet off,
can give her an excuse she hasn't heard the
"terrific looking Blond LEO who now removes
her Trooper Stetson and shakes out her long blond curls,
well, She'll let her go."
So the knock out Blond with Boobs thinks a bit and says,
"I thought you were trying to return my Husband!"

 

[Jim H - VA USA]

 

[Ringo]

Causes of headache in women:

a) Pressure
b) Stress
c) Flower pollen
d) Bad smells
e) Mom
f) Children
g) Boss
h) Colleagues
i) Sex
k) Money
l) No children
m) No sex
n) No money.

Causes of headache in men:

a) A woman.
b) An axe blow.
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If you heard your wife saying on the phone to a friend: "Mine is the same " — one hundred percent guarantee that you are not praised there...
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Jehovah's Witnesses would have a lot more supporters if they started their conversation with the words:
— We have a liter of vodka. Don't you want to talk about God?
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If you don't have money for a haircut, then to the question "why don't you get a haircut? " you should answer "my hairdresser is sick," and now you are no longer an overgrown bum without money, but a successful person with a personal hairdresser.

 

[Ringo]

Advice to a bachelor:
If the sink is full of unwashed dishes to the top, and you still need to put water in the kettle, then do not rush to wash the dishes. An ordinary frying pan will help you. Three pans of water and the kettle is full!

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]