Jokes

[Jim H - VA USA]

 

[lg325]

Why did the Tiger lose at a card game? He was Playing with a Cheeta.

 

[froggy]

Why do they build fences around the graveyard

People are just dying to get in

 

[Stann]

Why do they build fences around the graveyard

People are just dying to get in

This old farmer has a farm with a pond on it and orchard surrounds the pond. One day in the fall you decide to go down to the pond and check it out he hasn't been there for a while and he's going to take a 5 gallon pill with him to pick some apples. As he nears the pond he hears the laughter of women and their chatter. As it gets closest he notices that these women are skinny dipping in his pond. He makes his presence known. The women cower at the deep end of the pond and say to him " " " We're not getting out of here until you leave. " To which he replies, " I didn't come down here to look at your naked bodies. " Then he holds up the 5 gallon pail and says, " I came down here to feed the alligator. "

 

[Ringo]

For the third year I have been going to a psychiatrist, the results are amazing - he bought an apartment and flew around half the world!

 

[Ringo]

Why doesn't anyone understand me? Do I formulate my communicative acts through too complex linguistic constructions that are inaccessible to adequate cognitive perception?

Dear Santa Claus, please make sure that for those, who do not turn on the turn signal, their cars only goes straight. Thanks.

 

[Votto]

Why did Will Smith use an open hand?
... everyone knows paper beats Rock

 

[Votto]

Thanks transgenders

 

[Votto]

A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”

The lawyer stares icily at the devil for a full minute before demanding, “So what’s the catch?”

 

[Votto]

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decided to drive 30 miles each morning and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon (the only vehicle he had) and drove the 30 miles.

While the pigs were in the field mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they'll be pregnant. If they're lying in the mud, they're not."

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.

This continued each morning for more than a week and the farmers were worn out.

The next morning, one was too tired to even get out of bed. So he called out to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."

"Neither," yelled his wife, "They're in the station wagon. And one of them is honking the horn."

 

[Larsky]

 

[Ringo]

A man in the barn is brewing moonshine, went to get water, came back, and see the cops are in the barn:
- - Are you making moonshine? Write an explanatory note!
- And what to write?
- Write it as it is.
The man wrote.
They read: "I see smoke coming from the barn. I think it's a fire. I take two buckets of water and go to put out. I went in, and there are two cops brewing moonshine."

 

[lg325]

A man in the barn is brewing moonshine, went to get water, came back, and see the cops are in the barn:
- - Are you making moonshine? Write an explanatory note!
- And what to write?
- Write it as it is.
The man wrote.
They read: "I see smoke coming from the barn. I think it's a fire. I take two buckets of water and go to put out. I went in, and there are two cops brewing moonshine."

It's what my grand pa would have said

 

[froggy]

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

 

[Jim H - VA USA]

 

[froggy]

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Bugs bunny

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?

A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.

 

[lg325]

Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?

A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.

And make sure to have a photo with them holding a cabbage, watermelon, or box of citrus. And introduce them at dinner parties as some of our'' lesser people.''

 

[Ringo]

American policemen brutally beat a chinese man after asking his name.
"I have lost faith in humanity, freedom and democracy," said the victim, Fak Yu.

 

[Jim H - VA USA]