When it comes to 'adults' the idea of working a marriage out makes sense. When the marriage starts to hurt the progeny of the marriage, someone should step in. Too often, both parents ignor the hurt to the kids. I may have early, but when it became manifest, I acted.
I had three children, when I realized I couldn't take it any more. My oldest was 9 and youngest 6. We were in marriage counseling, when the youngest entered Kindergarten, it was suggested that we get 'family counseling.' After 1 session, the LCSW said, the 'problems' seemed to be flowing from the 'dad' and youngest child, a son. They began counseling. Problems at home escalated to the husband physically abusing the dog. The worst he did to 'us' was throwing his keys at the youngest and hitting him in the head.
I kicked him out of the house then. I filed for divorce the next day. 4/1 (April fool!) That was 4/1/89. Divorce was granted 5/20/94. :read: During this time, I had 3 children, a house, and was receiving $50 month support. My parents were paying our bills. I could post details, but won't do anything but depress all of us.
When the youngest was in 2nd grade, he literally attacked a female classmate, trying to 'feel her up.' He had observed his dad doing this with a 'girlfriend'. The 3rd grade son did similar with a classmate, then apologized to her. The youngest was kicked out of school, the other reported to police. Both had a psychiatrist petition the court for a cessation of visitation, until the father received parenting classes, along with his 'girlfriend.' My daughter, 11 at the time, said they made her too uncomfortable to visit with. She testified in court, that she 'pretended to be asleep' on a sofa, while her father and girlfried played out a rape scene. She couldn't say anything, because she was afraid.
After 2 more years the visits with father, who failed to fulfill the counseling requirements ordered by the court, were stopped. During this period, until the courts stopped the visits, I was arrested twice, for interferring with visitation. Financially it was a huge blow for my parents, ($2400 total), none of it would have happened if not for my brother being in managerial position with police department, the ex still tried to sue the police department and the psychiatrist, he lost, but the psychiatrist moved from Il. because of this.
The Police department maintained they had to follow 'the law' not the 'intent.' In my case, the problem with visitation had nothing to do with 'support' but instead the 'best interests of the child', there was no accomodation. I'm still in fear that is the reason I'm not getting a teaching position in the public schools, as this is a 'children affected offense' which should have been expunged, but who knows?
Today my kids are 23-19. They have contact with their father, though it's sporadic and seems aimed for the oldest and youngest to 'getting money.' The middle child, well he loves his siblings from the new marriage, which is now going through a divorce. His take, he was 8 when this happened, "Mom, they are too young to be going through this. I have to help them. Can you help?" Damn.
