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I hearby announce my candidacy for President of the United States

SwimExpert

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For all the scum-of-the-Earth bullshit Trump is getting away with, it seems clear to me that dignity is no longer a qualification for consideration to hold the office of President. I thought I was bad. Trump makes me look like high fucking society. Therefore, I hereby announce my candidacy for President of the United States.

Now, this is important to understand, you must write in your vote for Swim Expert. In November, swim fans from across the country will be writing in my name when they vote for President, sending a huge message to Washington that we are fed up with your bullshit! You give us Hillary fucking Clinton and Donald fucking Trump. And don't give me that nonsense that Trump is an outsider and the establishment isn't responsible for him. If the GOP had it's fucking house in operational order they would have been able to squash Trump from the onset.

As President of the United States you will know that America has a President we can be proud of once again! A President who stands for the constitution and the limitations he is required to uphold. A President who is not afraid to take action to fight the excesses of Congress. A President who does more than speak in superlatives just to buy affections.

In my first 100 days as President I will, among other things, do the following:
  1. Order an immediate halt to the investigation into Hillary Clinton, ordering the Justice Department to immediately take the matter to a Grand Jury for indictment.
  2. Direct the NSA to immediately halt all surveillance on American citizens and to fully dismantle any and all apparatuses used toward that effect.
  3. I will nominate a Justice to the Supreme Court who has a long established record of upholding the constitution in protecting the rights of the people, who performs his/her duties without regard to political biases or activism.
  4. I will write to the governors of each of the several states, calling on them call on the legislatures of their states to call for a convention to propose amendments to the constitution to end the tyrannical abuses of due process known as civil asset forfeiture and the eternal deprivation of rights after a person has served their complete sentence for the mistakes of their past.

In addition, I will call on Congress to produce the following legislation within my first year in office:
  1. Expand the Supreme Court to 13 seats, and re-organize the federal judicial circuits into 13 as well. Justice should not move at a snail's pace just because the inefficient government is backlogged.
  2. A balanced budget. The American people cannot be expected to continue paying or reckless government borrowing.
  3. A restructured taxation scheme, eliminating all credits and deductions in favor of a simple standard deduction of $35k, eliminating progressive tax brackets in favor of a single tax rate for all taxable income, and treating all income equally, without regard to the means by which it has been accumulated.
  4. A repatriation of moneys bill that provides a one time 5 year taxation amnesty, assessing a mere 1% tax rate to the foreign housed funds of American businesses brought back to the United States, while also closing loopholes to prevent foreign tax havens in the future. This will encourage businesses to inject our economy with more money, stimulating growth.

Additional priorities during my time in office will be to:
  1. Elimination of Social Security within 5 years, at which time everyone who has paid SS tax at some point in their lifetime is provided a lump payment out of the existing SS fund, based on their lifetime earnings to date.
  2. Withdraw of most overseas military facilities and redeployment of our military assets to secure our borders. This will include the repatriation of manufacturing of American military equipment.
  3. Reorganization of the Department of Education; development of a new educational model that restores purpose to a high school education through relevant technical training that current takes place in community colleges and other programs, with varied completion years between 10th and 13th grades based on specific educational goals; The EDoD's mission will become to assist states in implementing such schema in preparation of the elimination of federal funding of higher education.
  4. The repeal of most marijuana laws, reserving only a federal prohibition against transporting marijuana across state lines into a jurisdiction where it is illegal, or in the commission of an otherwise unlawful act, as well as its importation into the United States. Every state shall decide on its own whether, and to what extent, to allow the use of marijuana. The federal government's only role will be to provide support to the states where criminal acts cross jurisdictions.
  5. The elimination of federal welfare programs, shifting the responsibility to the states to provide such programs, if they wish such programs to be provided.
  6. The ratification of a constitutional amendment so that campaign finance reform can be effected; special interests will no longer be able to buy Congress away from the American people.
  7. A full scale reform of our visas to eliminate H1B abuse that displaces American workers with foreigners.
We will make America sane again! Swim Expert of President of the United States!
 

Mac1958

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Vandalshandle

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I'm running as a candidate for the Surprise Party. For obvious reasons, I am not going to announce my agenda. I need everyone's money more than Trump does, and I promise not to insult anyone even after their money is in my hand. So, if you are inclined to send money to Trump, forgetaboutit, and send it to me. I will make one promise. i promise to get as much legislation passed by congress during my 4 years as they have passed in the last 4 years....
 

g5000

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I plan on writing in John Kasich.

But if Trump selects Kasich as his VP, I will write in Swim Expert for President.
 

Mac1958

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g5000

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daws101

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For all the scum-of-the-Earth bullshit Trump is getting away with, it seems clear to me that dignity is no longer a qualification for consideration to hold the office of President. I thought I was bad. Trump makes me look like high fucking society. Therefore, I hereby announce my candidacy for President of the United States.

Now, this is important to understand, you must write in your vote for Swim Expert. In November, swim fans from across the country will be writing in my name when they vote for President, sending a huge message to Washington that we are fed up with your bullshit! You give us Hillary fucking Clinton and Donald fucking Trump. And don't give me that nonsense that Trump is an outsider and the establishment isn't responsible for him. If the GOP had it's fucking house in operational order they would have been able to squash Trump from the onset.

As President of the United States you will know that America has a President we can be proud of once again! A President who stands for the constitution and the limitations he is required to uphold. A President who is not afraid to take action to fight the excesses of Congress. A President who does more than speak in superlatives just to buy affections.

In my first 100 days as President I will, among other things, do the following:
  1. Order an immediate halt to the investigation into Hillary Clinton, ordering the Justice Department to immediately take the matter to a Grand Jury for indictment.
  2. Direct the NSA to immediately halt all surveillance on American citizens and to fully dismantle any and all apparatuses used toward that effect.
  3. I will nominate a Justice to the Supreme Court who has a long established record of upholding the constitution in protecting the rights of the people, who performs his/her duties without regard to political biases or activism.
  4. I will write to the governors of each of the several states, calling on them call on the legislatures of their states to call for a convention to propose amendments to the constitution to end the tyrannical abuses of due process known as civil asset forfeiture and the eternal deprivation of rights after a person has served their complete sentence for the mistakes of their past.

In addition, I will call on Congress to produce the following legislation within my first year in office:
  1. Expand the Supreme Court to 13 seats, and re-organize the federal judicial circuits into 13 as well. Justice should not move at a snail's pace just because the inefficient government is backlogged.
  2. A balanced budget. The American people cannot be expected to continue paying or reckless government borrowing.
  3. A restructured taxation scheme, eliminating all credits and deductions in favor of a simple standard deduction of $35k, eliminating progressive tax brackets in favor of a single tax rate for all taxable income, and treating all income equally, without regard to the means by which it has been accumulated.
  4. A repatriation of moneys bill that provides a one time 5 year taxation amnesty, assessing a mere 1% tax rate to the foreign housed funds of American businesses brought back to the United States, while also closing loopholes to prevent foreign tax havens in the future. This will encourage businesses to inject our economy with more money, stimulating growth.

Additional priorities during my time in office will be to:
  1. Elimination of Social Security within 5 years, at which time everyone who has paid SS tax at some point in their lifetime is provided a lump payment out of the existing SS fund, based on their lifetime earnings to date.
  2. Withdraw of most overseas military facilities and redeployment of our military assets to secure our borders. This will include the repatriation of manufacturing of American military equipment.
  3. Reorganization of the Department of Education; development of a new educational model that restores purpose to a high school education through relevant technical training that current takes place in community colleges and other programs, with varied completion years between 10th and 13th grades based on specific educational goals; The EDoD's mission will become to assist states in implementing such schema in preparation of the elimination of federal funding of higher education.
  4. The repeal of most marijuana laws, reserving only a federal prohibition against transporting marijuana across state lines into a jurisdiction where it is illegal, or in the commission of an otherwise unlawful act, as well as its importation into the United States. Every state shall decide on its own whether, and to what extent, to allow the use of marijuana. The federal government's only role will be to provide support to the states where criminal acts cross jurisdictions.
  5. The elimination of federal welfare programs, shifting the responsibility to the states to provide such programs, if they wish such programs to be provided.
  6. The ratification of a constitutional amendment so that campaign finance reform can be effected; special interests will no longer be able to buy Congress away from the American people.
  7. A full scale reform of our visas to eliminate H1B abuse that displaces American workers with foreigners.
We will make America sane again! Swim Expert of President of the United States!
what your position on the scary ass clown problem plaguing the US?
 
OP
S

SwimExpert

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For all the scum-of-the-Earth bullshit Trump is getting away with, it seems clear to me that dignity is no longer a qualification for consideration to hold the office of President. I thought I was bad. Trump makes me look like high fucking society. Therefore, I hereby announce my candidacy for President of the United States.

Now, this is important to understand, you must write in your vote for Swim Expert. In November, swim fans from across the country will be writing in my name when they vote for President, sending a huge message to Washington that we are fed up with your bullshit! You give us Hillary fucking Clinton and Donald fucking Trump. And don't give me that nonsense that Trump is an outsider and the establishment isn't responsible for him. If the GOP had it's fucking house in operational order they would have been able to squash Trump from the onset.

As President of the United States you will know that America has a President we can be proud of once again! A President who stands for the constitution and the limitations he is required to uphold. A President who is not afraid to take action to fight the excesses of Congress. A President who does more than speak in superlatives just to buy affections.

In my first 100 days as President I will, among other things, do the following:
  1. Order an immediate halt to the investigation into Hillary Clinton, ordering the Justice Department to immediately take the matter to a Grand Jury for indictment.
  2. Direct the NSA to immediately halt all surveillance on American citizens and to fully dismantle any and all apparatuses used toward that effect.
  3. I will nominate a Justice to the Supreme Court who has a long established record of upholding the constitution in protecting the rights of the people, who performs his/her duties without regard to political biases or activism.
  4. I will write to the governors of each of the several states, calling on them call on the legislatures of their states to call for a convention to propose amendments to the constitution to end the tyrannical abuses of due process known as civil asset forfeiture and the eternal deprivation of rights after a person has served their complete sentence for the mistakes of their past.

In addition, I will call on Congress to produce the following legislation within my first year in office:
  1. Expand the Supreme Court to 13 seats, and re-organize the federal judicial circuits into 13 as well. Justice should not move at a snail's pace just because the inefficient government is backlogged.
  2. A balanced budget. The American people cannot be expected to continue paying or reckless government borrowing.
  3. A restructured taxation scheme, eliminating all credits and deductions in favor of a simple standard deduction of $35k, eliminating progressive tax brackets in favor of a single tax rate for all taxable income, and treating all income equally, without regard to the means by which it has been accumulated.
  4. A repatriation of moneys bill that provides a one time 5 year taxation amnesty, assessing a mere 1% tax rate to the foreign housed funds of American businesses brought back to the United States, while also closing loopholes to prevent foreign tax havens in the future. This will encourage businesses to inject our economy with more money, stimulating growth.

Additional priorities during my time in office will be to:
  1. Elimination of Social Security within 5 years, at which time everyone who has paid SS tax at some point in their lifetime is provided a lump payment out of the existing SS fund, based on their lifetime earnings to date.
  2. Withdraw of most overseas military facilities and redeployment of our military assets to secure our borders. This will include the repatriation of manufacturing of American military equipment.
  3. Reorganization of the Department of Education; development of a new educational model that restores purpose to a high school education through relevant technical training that current takes place in community colleges and other programs, with varied completion years between 10th and 13th grades based on specific educational goals; The EDoD's mission will become to assist states in implementing such schema in preparation of the elimination of federal funding of higher education.
  4. The repeal of most marijuana laws, reserving only a federal prohibition against transporting marijuana across state lines into a jurisdiction where it is illegal, or in the commission of an otherwise unlawful act, as well as its importation into the United States. Every state shall decide on its own whether, and to what extent, to allow the use of marijuana. The federal government's only role will be to provide support to the states where criminal acts cross jurisdictions.
  5. The elimination of federal welfare programs, shifting the responsibility to the states to provide such programs, if they wish such programs to be provided.
  6. The ratification of a constitutional amendment so that campaign finance reform can be effected; special interests will no longer be able to buy Congress away from the American people.
  7. A full scale reform of our visas to eliminate H1B abuse that displaces American workers with foreigners.
We will make America sane again! Swim Expert of President of the United States!
what your position on the scary ass clown problem plaguing the US?

I will appoint Seeley Booth as Secretary of Clown Affairs.
 

Siete

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:popcorn: sittin' on my sack of seeds ...
 

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SwimExpert

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Guys, this is a serious thread. Our nation is facing a time of great peril. We cannot allow this greatest nation on the Mother's green Earth to be lost to the likes of liberal scum like Clinton or Trump. Unlike Trump, who is selling himself to--well, himself...I will not be raising any campaign funds at all. So when I tell you that nobody can buy me, I truly mean nobody. Period. Not even myself. I will be bought by the American people alone.
 

Syriusly

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For all the scum-of-the-Earth bullshit Trump is getting away with, it seems clear to me that dignity is no longer a qualification for consideration to hold the office of President. I thought I was bad. Trump makes me look like high fucking society. Therefore, I hereby announce my candidacy for President of the United States.

Now, this is important to understand, you must write in your vote for Swim Expert. In November, swim fans from across the country will be writing in my name when they vote for President, sending a huge message to Washington that we are fed up with your bullshit! You give us Hillary fucking Clinton and Donald fucking Trump. And don't give me that nonsense that Trump is an outsider and the establishment isn't responsible for him. If the GOP had it's fucking house in operational order they would have been able to squash Trump from the onset.

As President of the United States you will know that America has a President we can be proud of once again! A President who stands for the constitution and the limitations he is required to uphold. A President who is not afraid to take action to fight the excesses of Congress. A President who does more than speak in superlatives just to buy affections.

In my first 100 days as President I will, among other things, do the following:
  1. Order an immediate halt to the investigation into Hillary Clinton, ordering the Justice Department to immediately take the matter to a Grand Jury for indictment.
  2. Direct the NSA to immediately halt all surveillance on American citizens and to fully dismantle any and all apparatuses used toward that effect.
  3. I will nominate a Justice to the Supreme Court who has a long established record of upholding the constitution in protecting the rights of the people, who performs his/her duties without regard to political biases or activism.
  4. I will write to the governors of each of the several states, calling on them call on the legislatures of their states to call for a convention to propose amendments to the constitution to end the tyrannical abuses of due process known as civil asset forfeiture and the eternal deprivation of rights after a person has served their complete sentence for the mistakes of their past.

In addition, I will call on Congress to produce the following legislation within my first year in office:
  1. Expand the Supreme Court to 13 seats, and re-organize the federal judicial circuits into 13 as well. Justice should not move at a snail's pace just because the inefficient government is backlogged.
  2. A balanced budget. The American people cannot be expected to continue paying or reckless government borrowing.
  3. A restructured taxation scheme, eliminating all credits and deductions in favor of a simple standard deduction of $35k, eliminating progressive tax brackets in favor of a single tax rate for all taxable income, and treating all income equally, without regard to the means by which it has been accumulated.
  4. A repatriation of moneys bill that provides a one time 5 year taxation amnesty, assessing a mere 1% tax rate to the foreign housed funds of American businesses brought back to the United States, while also closing loopholes to prevent foreign tax havens in the future. This will encourage businesses to inject our economy with more money, stimulating growth.

Additional priorities during my time in office will be to:
  1. Elimination of Social Security within 5 years, at which time everyone who has paid SS tax at some point in their lifetime is provided a lump payment out of the existing SS fund, based on their lifetime earnings to date.
  2. Withdraw of most overseas military facilities and redeployment of our military assets to secure our borders. This will include the repatriation of manufacturing of American military equipment.
  3. Reorganization of the Department of Education; development of a new educational model that restores purpose to a high school education through relevant technical training that current takes place in community colleges and other programs, with varied completion years between 10th and 13th grades based on specific educational goals; The EDoD's mission will become to assist states in implementing such schema in preparation of the elimination of federal funding of higher education.
  4. The repeal of most marijuana laws, reserving only a federal prohibition against transporting marijuana across state lines into a jurisdiction where it is illegal, or in the commission of an otherwise unlawful act, as well as its importation into the United States. Every state shall decide on its own whether, and to what extent, to allow the use of marijuana. The federal government's only role will be to provide support to the states where criminal acts cross jurisdictions.
  5. The elimination of federal welfare programs, shifting the responsibility to the states to provide such programs, if they wish such programs to be provided.
  6. The ratification of a constitutional amendment so that campaign finance reform can be effected; special interests will no longer be able to buy Congress away from the American people.
  7. A full scale reform of our visas to eliminate H1B abuse that displaces American workers with foreigners.
We will make America sane again! Swim Expert of President of the United States!

On the plus side- you have a higher positive rating than either Trump or Clinton.
 
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SwimExpert

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On the plus side- you have a higher positive rating than either Trump or Clinton.

Which is tragic, because there's only three people on this board who like me, and literally nobody in real life.
 

daws101

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SwimExpert

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yiostheoy

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For all the scum-of-the-Earth bullshit Trump is getting away with, it seems clear to me that dignity is no longer a qualification for consideration to hold the office of President. I thought I was bad. Trump makes me look like high fucking society. Therefore, I hereby announce my candidacy for President of the United States.

Now, this is important to understand, you must write in your vote for Swim Expert. In November, swim fans from across the country will be writing in my name when they vote for President, sending a huge message to Washington that we are fed up with your bullshit! You give us Hillary fucking Clinton and Donald fucking Trump. And don't give me that nonsense that Trump is an outsider and the establishment isn't responsible for him. If the GOP had it's fucking house in operational order they would have been able to squash Trump from the onset.

As President of the United States you will know that America has a President we can be proud of once again! A President who stands for the constitution and the limitations he is required to uphold. A President who is not afraid to take action to fight the excesses of Congress. A President who does more than speak in superlatives just to buy affections.

In my first 100 days as President I will, among other things, do the following:
  1. Order an immediate halt to the investigation into Hillary Clinton, ordering the Justice Department to immediately take the matter to a Grand Jury for indictment.
  2. Direct the NSA to immediately halt all surveillance on American citizens and to fully dismantle any and all apparatuses used toward that effect.
  3. I will nominate a Justice to the Supreme Court who has a long established record of upholding the constitution in protecting the rights of the people, who performs his/her duties without regard to political biases or activism.
  4. I will write to the governors of each of the several states, calling on them call on the legislatures of their states to call for a convention to propose amendments to the constitution to end the tyrannical abuses of due process known as civil asset forfeiture and the eternal deprivation of rights after a person has served their complete sentence for the mistakes of their past.

In addition, I will call on Congress to produce the following legislation within my first year in office:
  1. Expand the Supreme Court to 13 seats, and re-organize the federal judicial circuits into 13 as well. Justice should not move at a snail's pace just because the inefficient government is backlogged.
  2. A balanced budget. The American people cannot be expected to continue paying or reckless government borrowing.
  3. A restructured taxation scheme, eliminating all credits and deductions in favor of a simple standard deduction of $35k, eliminating progressive tax brackets in favor of a single tax rate for all taxable income, and treating all income equally, without regard to the means by which it has been accumulated.
  4. A repatriation of moneys bill that provides a one time 5 year taxation amnesty, assessing a mere 1% tax rate to the foreign housed funds of American businesses brought back to the United States, while also closing loopholes to prevent foreign tax havens in the future. This will encourage businesses to inject our economy with more money, stimulating growth.

Additional priorities during my time in office will be to:
  1. Elimination of Social Security within 5 years, at which time everyone who has paid SS tax at some point in their lifetime is provided a lump payment out of the existing SS fund, based on their lifetime earnings to date.
  2. Withdraw of most overseas military facilities and redeployment of our military assets to secure our borders. This will include the repatriation of manufacturing of American military equipment.
  3. Reorganization of the Department of Education; development of a new educational model that restores purpose to a high school education through relevant technical training that current takes place in community colleges and other programs, with varied completion years between 10th and 13th grades based on specific educational goals; The EDoD's mission will become to assist states in implementing such schema in preparation of the elimination of federal funding of higher education.
  4. The repeal of most marijuana laws, reserving only a federal prohibition against transporting marijuana across state lines into a jurisdiction where it is illegal, or in the commission of an otherwise unlawful act, as well as its importation into the United States. Every state shall decide on its own whether, and to what extent, to allow the use of marijuana. The federal government's only role will be to provide support to the states where criminal acts cross jurisdictions.
  5. The elimination of federal welfare programs, shifting the responsibility to the states to provide such programs, if they wish such programs to be provided.
  6. The ratification of a constitutional amendment so that campaign finance reform can be effected; special interests will no longer be able to buy Congress away from the American people.
  7. A full scale reform of our visas to eliminate H1B abuse that displaces American workers with foreigners.
We will make America sane again! Swim Expert of President of the United States!
BUT do you have enough money to jack one of the two major parties too ??

Trump is profound in his ability to marshal his tv audience and with his money fund his own hijacking of the GOP.

Now whether he has enough money to fund his own campaign against Hillary is yet to be seen.

Anyway, Trump has got you there, in the GOP.

And Hillary is the princess elect of the DEM's.

There is no room for a poor smartass from the internet this year. You started too late.
 

mdk

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I am seeking the VP slot on the Foam Party ticket with Rubio. Rubio and MDK 2016!
 

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