WillPower
Platinum Member
- Nov 22, 2018
- 6,989
- 2,246
- 360
- Banned
- #1
Yesterday I became a toilet paper HOARDER!
. That's right....I gave in to my darkest impulses instead of continuing to ask strangers for change for a five. Wandering into Wally World for some wet-dry sandpaper, I noticed other shoppers had TP in their carts. Since that department is in the other end of the store, I double-timed it over to that section and lo and behold, the shelves were being stocked and disappearing at the same time. I got my mitts on the last pack of Charmin "Super Mega Roll" and covered it up like I was trying to bust into the end zone for a game winning TD. Not a man alive could have pulled it or slapped it away...it was MINE dang nab it! Six YUGE rolls of bliss. But then things turned ugly.
My next stop was Frys and for the hell of it, I walked over their TP section. BONANZA! There was more TP...not like my Charmin but a Kroger version of a mega-roll. I grabbed one and officially became a hoarder. I now had 12 new rolls of butt-wiping majesty. Only the day before had I denounced the hoarders while I swiped TP from work. Enter a stall, and wrap the roll around my hand until I had enough for a two day stand er..... seat.....again and again. Don't be fooled by my confession...I have no guilt, no nagging thoughts of being a hypocrite...no...I did my time having to resort to thievery over one of the simplest, yet necessary products of all time. Was I in Venezuela? NO! So yeah, I now own 15 rolls of TP (I'd stashed 3 rolls in case of a total breakdown of society). It's enough for a couple months unless I get the green-apple quick step. So there...now the world knows what I've done.
My next stop was Frys and for the hell of it, I walked over their TP section. BONANZA! There was more TP...not like my Charmin but a Kroger version of a mega-roll. I grabbed one and officially became a hoarder. I now had 12 new rolls of butt-wiping majesty. Only the day before had I denounced the hoarders while I swiped TP from work. Enter a stall, and wrap the roll around my hand until I had enough for a two day stand er..... seat.....again and again. Don't be fooled by my confession...I have no guilt, no nagging thoughts of being a hypocrite...no...I did my time having to resort to thievery over one of the simplest, yet necessary products of all time. Was I in Venezuela? NO! So yeah, I now own 15 rolls of TP (I'd stashed 3 rolls in case of a total breakdown of society). It's enough for a couple months unless I get the green-apple quick step. So there...now the world knows what I've done.
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