saintmichaeldefendthem
Gold Member
Ok, it's not serious. Put the knives away.
My wife and I have become FREAKS about watching NBC Dateline and other murder mystery shows and for fun, we're critiquing these guys who murder and debating where they went wrong and why they got caught. So I am forming a list of rules on getting away with murder and would love to have people add to it.
1. Lose the murder weapon. I don't care how much sentimental value you assign to it, it will land you in prison. Ballistics and forensic evidence will be all over it. The murder weapon is one of the key components of the prosecution's case against you.
2. Don't set up an "unknown stranger" murder. It doesn't work. Ever. And if you claim that stranger was black, it gets even worse. You don't possess the expertise to create the forensic crime scene of a burglar breaking in to steal your Blue Ray and kill your wife. Everyone who's tried this has heard the verdict "Guilty"
3. Get rid of your clothes. Burn them, preferably. Clothes are forensic evidence traps and while the gun powder residue will wash out, the blood, semen, or other DNA evidence won't. When you're dressing for a murder, don't wear anything you rue to part with.
4. Don't use a car to transport the body... Unless you plan to burn that too and dump it in a lake. Vehicles are also loaded with forensic evidence. And while using plastic might have worked for Dexter, in real life a little blood is going to leak out and you'll go to prison. If you like your Escalade, don't use it during a murder.
5. Don't involve several people. If you're going to kill a human being, have the balls to do it yourself and have as few witnesses or people who know about it as possible (preferably, noone). Remember the movie "Bully"? (Nick Stahl, Brad Renfro). Dude wanted to waste his best friend so he involved several of his pothead and tweeker friends to help. They all rolled over on each other like a puppy in obedience school and none of them could keep their traps shut.
6. Don't cooperate with authorities. Even if you're the bereaved spouse. This one's tricky because they will frame their investigation into you as trying to gather facts so they can capture the killer, but don't kid yourself, you're the first suspect and they may never pursue another. Lawyer up immediately. As Chris Rock said, it's better to look guilty and go home than to look innocent in prison.
7. Don't have any life insurance policies. If that's why you're killing him, ladies, don't bother. It's a giant red flag and you will land in prison.
8. Keep your damned piehole shut! Don't tell anyone you want to kill somebody, don't ask about hitmen who are available for hire, don't say shit to anyone about any detail of what you plan to do. If you ignore this advice, all those "friends" of yours will be at your trial testifying against you.
9. No Internet searches. Unless you plan to burn your laptop, melt your hard drive in a kiln, and dump it into a river 300 miles away. When you look up, "how-to-make-poison-with-homemade-ingredients" they're going to find that and they're going to use it against you.
10. Don't go on the internet and make threads about how to get away with murder. Assume that anything you say or write about in jest is going to be taken out of context and regurgitated in an accusatory light. Don't make stupid threads like this if you're planning on murdering somebody. They'll get you for that too.
Any other advice?
My wife and I have become FREAKS about watching NBC Dateline and other murder mystery shows and for fun, we're critiquing these guys who murder and debating where they went wrong and why they got caught. So I am forming a list of rules on getting away with murder and would love to have people add to it.
1. Lose the murder weapon. I don't care how much sentimental value you assign to it, it will land you in prison. Ballistics and forensic evidence will be all over it. The murder weapon is one of the key components of the prosecution's case against you.
2. Don't set up an "unknown stranger" murder. It doesn't work. Ever. And if you claim that stranger was black, it gets even worse. You don't possess the expertise to create the forensic crime scene of a burglar breaking in to steal your Blue Ray and kill your wife. Everyone who's tried this has heard the verdict "Guilty"
3. Get rid of your clothes. Burn them, preferably. Clothes are forensic evidence traps and while the gun powder residue will wash out, the blood, semen, or other DNA evidence won't. When you're dressing for a murder, don't wear anything you rue to part with.
4. Don't use a car to transport the body... Unless you plan to burn that too and dump it in a lake. Vehicles are also loaded with forensic evidence. And while using plastic might have worked for Dexter, in real life a little blood is going to leak out and you'll go to prison. If you like your Escalade, don't use it during a murder.
5. Don't involve several people. If you're going to kill a human being, have the balls to do it yourself and have as few witnesses or people who know about it as possible (preferably, noone). Remember the movie "Bully"? (Nick Stahl, Brad Renfro). Dude wanted to waste his best friend so he involved several of his pothead and tweeker friends to help. They all rolled over on each other like a puppy in obedience school and none of them could keep their traps shut.
6. Don't cooperate with authorities. Even if you're the bereaved spouse. This one's tricky because they will frame their investigation into you as trying to gather facts so they can capture the killer, but don't kid yourself, you're the first suspect and they may never pursue another. Lawyer up immediately. As Chris Rock said, it's better to look guilty and go home than to look innocent in prison.
7. Don't have any life insurance policies. If that's why you're killing him, ladies, don't bother. It's a giant red flag and you will land in prison.
8. Keep your damned piehole shut! Don't tell anyone you want to kill somebody, don't ask about hitmen who are available for hire, don't say shit to anyone about any detail of what you plan to do. If you ignore this advice, all those "friends" of yours will be at your trial testifying against you.
9. No Internet searches. Unless you plan to burn your laptop, melt your hard drive in a kiln, and dump it into a river 300 miles away. When you look up, "how-to-make-poison-with-homemade-ingredients" they're going to find that and they're going to use it against you.
10. Don't go on the internet and make threads about how to get away with murder. Assume that anything you say or write about in jest is going to be taken out of context and regurgitated in an accusatory light. Don't make stupid threads like this if you're planning on murdering somebody. They'll get you for that too.
Any other advice?