Having mom over for dinner

[Huh?]

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mum had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

__________________________________________________ ________

Dear Mum,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian
__________________________________________________ ________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
__________________________________________________ __

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mum

 

[Thinman]

That's a smart Mum. Good one.

Check this out.

Yesterday, I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout
line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and
have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now
enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in
intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and
a car hit us both.