M
Mustafa
Guest
Simple cholecystectomy. The procedure was a total success but the patient died. The family was relieved that their mom got her gall bladder problem solved.
Just kidding..... No problem
Great Joke
- Thread starter William Joyce
- Start date
Simple cholecystectomy. The procedure was a total success but the patient died. The family was relieved that their mom got her gall bladder problem solved.
Just kidding..... No problem
K
KLSuddeth
Guest
sheeeeesh LOL
I wonder since we're both in Tx if youve ever operated on me? Ive had several. Wouldnt that be funny?
I wonder since we're both in Tx if youve ever operated on me? Ive had several. Wouldnt that be funny?
N
NewGuy
Guest
When you are lame enough to never cite your examples thoroughly, yes.
Which books are the quotes out of?
If you are going to copy and paste someone elses B.S., at least do research enough to validate it and complete filling in the blanks.
Verse numbers do no good when you do not have the names of the books.
ajwps
Active Member
It would be highly unlikely....
But it would be funny alright....
ajwps
Active Member
Excuses, excuses, excuses and lame excuses.
Which books NewGuy makes any difference in their contradictions. They all do...
Each version of the NT Gospel gives the same replies in the same books even though the words may be changed, the responses for who was where or how many were present and all the rest are there for the viewing.
If you want to look at them all at one time, go the following site and put your click check on all of the versions of each of the Gospels and you will find them to be consistent in their inconsistencies and contradictions.
copy and paste this:
http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible/
This is so easy with you believers, you have no answers because you have nothing that would counter these few examples of so many more......
Here is the King James Version of just one of the contradictions of who were the women there?
KJV - The King James Version of the New Testament
Matthew 28
1 In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.
Mark 16
1 And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint him.
Luke 24
10 It was Mary Magdalene and Joanna, and Mary the mother of James, and other women that were with them, which told these things unto the apostles.
John 20
1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre.
Take you choice of which women came to see Jesus in his cave, chose from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Well which one is the correct book?????
ANSWER: NONE
These books were created out of invisible flaxen air...
walwor
Member
Yes, I'm frustrated because I thought you would argue in good faith. I didn't call you any names. I said you were obnoxious. It's not a name, it's a characteristic.
I stand by all my statements. Answer this, if you can. Didn't the G-d of the Hebrews slay the first-born of the Egyptians? Didn't He lead the Hebrews into Canaan to slay the inhabitants? Is the G-d of the Hebrews not also G-d over life and death? Then why would it be a contradiction for His Messiah to also call for slaying of His enemies? Yes, in the parable, the nobleman represents Jesus, Whose enemies are slain before Him at His return, at the Second Coming.
N
NewGuy
Guest
I take that to mean you DID cut and paste, and have no clue as to the references.
Laughable when you don't point out the contradictions. If I told you the blue wire is shorting to the red one, and it was right behined the speaker, wouldn't you want to know if we were talking about your HOUSE or your CAR? The outcome is the same - No noise....but the location and ramifications of such an effect are different. Therefore, context is everything. When you get a clue, we will talk.
Simple. If taken IN CONTEXT, let the previous book speak to that since it is the same sequence of events:
56 Among which was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee's children.
57 When the even was come, there came a rich man of Arimathaea, named Joseph, who also himself was Jesus' disciple:
58 He went to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded the body to be delivered.
59 And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth,
60 And laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed.
61 And there was Mary Magdalene, and the other Mary, sitting over against the sepulchre.
Ummm...there you are. Both Marys. What is the question here? By context, they match the previous verse.
Cool. 3 verses collaborating.
Cool. Still no contradiction.
Well, since nobody saw Him in the cave, and Mary Magdalene is named as looking for Him, the correct answer without any contradiction pointed out is NOBODY.
Since the only reference in such a thing where anyone saw Jesus in a cave was John 11:28-57 this could be the only thing in question.
28 And when she had so said, she went her way, and called Mary her sister secretly, saying, The Master is come, and calleth for thee.
29 As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly, and came unto him.
30 Now Jesus was not yet come into the town, but was in that place where Martha met him.
31 The Jews then which were with her in the house, and comforted her, when they saw Mary, that she rose up hastily and went out, followed her, saying, She goeth unto the grave to weep there.
32 Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.
33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,
34 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.
35 Jesus wept.
36 Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!
37 And some of them said, Could not this man, which opened the eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man should not have died?
38 Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it.
39 Jesus said, Take ye away the stone. Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days.
40 Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?
41 Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me.
42 And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me.
43 And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth.
44 And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.
45 Then many of the Jews which came to Mary, and had seen the things which Jesus did, believed on him.
46 But some of them went their ways to the Pharisees, and told them what things Jesus had done.
47 Then gathered the chief priests and the Pharisees a council, and said, What do we? for this man doeth many miracles.
48 If we let him thus alone, all men will believe on him: and the Romans shall come and take away both our place and nation.
49 And one of them, named Caiaphas, being the high priest that same year, said unto them, Ye know nothing at all,
50 Nor consider that it is expedient for us, that one man should die for the people, and that the whole nation perish not.
51 And this spake he not of himself: but being high priest that year, he prophesied that Jesus should die for that nation;
52 And not for that nation only, but that also he should gather together in one the children of God that were scattered abroad.
53 Then from that day forth they took counsel together for to put him to death.
54 Jesus therefore walked no more openly among the Jews; but went thence unto a country near to the wilderness, into a city called Ephraim, and there continued with his disciples.
55 And the Jews' passover was nigh at hand: and many went out of the country up to Jerusalem before the passover, to purify themselves.
56 Then sought they for Jesus, and spake among themselves, as they stood in the temple, What think ye, that he will not come to the feast?
57 Now both the chief priests and the Pharisees had given a commandment, that, if any man knew where he were, he should shew it, that they might take him.
TO WHICH THIS IS THE ANSWER:
John chapter 11
King James Version
1 Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha.
2 (It was that Mary which anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick.)
3 Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.
4 When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.
5 Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.
Actually, you proved the answer is ALL.
Do you always prove your opponents side?
Really? That isn't what the Bible claims. -Nor is it what you have proven.
M
Mustafa
Guest
Yes, I'm frustrated because I thought you would argue in good faith. I didn't call you any names. I said you were obnoxious. It's not a name, it's a characteristic.
Yes moron, imbecile, asshole are also real physical characteristics but they are also derogatory terms used by people who have no substance to themselves.
I stand by all my statements. Answer this, if you can. Didn't the G-d of the Hebrews slay the first-born of the Egyptians? Didn't He lead the Hebrews into Canaan to slay the inhabitants? Is the G-d of the Hebrews not also G-d over life and death? Then why would it be a contradiction for His Messiah to also call for slaying of His enemies? Yes, in the parable, the nobleman represents Jesus, Whose enemies are slain before Him at His return, at the Second Coming.
The G-d of the Hebrews slew the first born of the Egyptians because their Pharoah ordered the slaying of the Hebrews (justice) and the G-d of the Hebrews ordered the slaying of those evil inhabitants who were throwing their own children into the fires of their god Molach. (purifying the holy land given to His children).
Jesus on the other hand ordered the slaying of those he considered his enemies simply because they refused to believe on him. (vindictiveness)
Quite a difference between G-d and Jesus.. Don't you think?
M
Mustafa
Guest
I take that to mean you DID cut and paste, and have no clue as to the references. Laughable when you don't point out the contradictions. If I told you the blue wire is shorting to the red one, and it was right behined the speaker, wouldn't you want to know if we were talking about your HOUSE or your CAR? The outcome is the same - No noise....but the location and ramifications of such an effect are different. Therefore, context is everything. When you get a clue, we will talk.
What clue would you like to get?
Simple. If taken IN CONTEXT, let the previous book speak to that since it is the same sequence of events: 56 Among which was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee's children.
57 When the even was come, there came a rich man of Arimathaea, named Joseph, who also himself was Jesus' disciple:
58 He went to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded the body to be delivered.
59 And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth,
60 And laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed.
61 And there was Mary Magdalene, and the other Mary, sitting over against the sepulchre.
Ummm...there you are. Both Marys. What is the question here? By context, they match the previous verse.
Cool. 3 verses collaborating.
Cool. Still no contradiction.
Well, since nobody saw Him in the cave, and Mary Magdalene is named as looking for Him, the correct answer without any contradiction pointed out is NOBODY.
Since the only reference in such a thing where anyone saw Jesus in a cave was John 11:28-57 this could be the only thing in question.
28 And when she had so said, she went her way, and called Mary her sister secretly, saying, The Master is come, and calleth for thee.
29 As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly, and came unto him.
30 Now Jesus was not yet come into the town, but was in that place where Martha met him.
31 The Jews then which were with her in the house, and comforted her, when they saw Mary, that she rose up hastily and went out, followed her, saying, She goeth unto the grave to weep there.
32 Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.
33 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,
34 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.
35 Jesus wept.
36 Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!
37 And some of them said, Could not this man, which opened the eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man should not have died?
38 Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it.
39 Jesus said, Take ye away the stone. Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days.
40 Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?
41 Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me.
42 And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me.
43 And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth.
44 And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.
45 Then many of the Jews which came to Mary, and had seen the things which Jesus did, believed on him.
46 But some of them went their ways to the Pharisees, and told them what things Jesus had done.
47 Then gathered the chief priests and the Pharisees a council, and said, What do we? for this man doeth many miracles.
48 If we let him thus alone, all men will believe on him: and the Romans shall come and take away both our place and nation.
49 And one of them, named Caiaphas, being the high priest that same year, said unto them, Ye know nothing at all,
50 Nor consider that it is expedient for us, that one man should die for the people, and that the whole nation perish not.
51 And this spake he not of himself: but being high priest that year, he prophesied that Jesus should die for that nation;
52 And not for that nation only, but that also he should gather together in one the children of God that were scattered abroad.
53 Then from that day forth they took counsel together for to put him to death.
54 Jesus therefore walked no more openly among the Jews; but went thence unto a country near to the wilderness, into a city called Ephraim, and there continued with his disciples.
55 And the Jews' passover was nigh at hand: and many went out of the country up to Jerusalem before the passover, to purify themselves.
56 Then sought they for Jesus, and spake among themselves, as they stood in the temple, What think ye, that he will not come to the feast?
57 Now both the chief priests and the Pharisees had given a commandment, that, if any man knew where he were, he should shew it, that they might take him.
TO WHICH THIS IS THE ANSWER:
John chapter 11
King James Version
1 Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha.
2 (It was that Mary which anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick.)
3 Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.
4 When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.
5 Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.
Actually, you proved the answer is ALL.
Do you always prove your opponents side?
Really? That isn't what the Bible claims. -Nor is it what you have proven.
What another try at obfuscation and PRETENSE?
You are trying to compare those who came to bury and purify the now dead Jesus following the crucifixion with those who came after the day and one-half when he was supposed to be in the cave.
Really poor attempt to explain the Gospel book contradictions. First you claimed that my (copy/paste) list did not list the books they came from when each book is clearly named and now this trickery to put two separate events into some kind of context.
Good try but no luck at this attempt to save you from your sins.
N
NewGuy
Guest
THAT is laughable. You didn't even read what you posted. -Nor did you read what I posted. The text states literally from multiple people that the same person was at your events posted.
Really? Wow. Look at the time stamps. Read the thread. My remark was for the previous post. You finally wrote something with references and I showed you wrong again.
Whatever.
Who said I try to save myself from my sins?
Why are you always a presumptuous blowhard?
ajwps
Active Member
P
Publius
Guest
Mr. Joyce has never read the Bible. His jokes only make sense when you remember that.
Actually, a religious source should seldom be the fulcrum of one's reason. The praetor at that time (Pontius) had sent 2l etters to the emporer on advice about what to do with Christ. The first explained his increasing power and strangely pacifistic nature; The emporer (I believe it was Claudius) wrote back in favor of Christ's life. The second letter expresses utter shame and fear of the Jewish uprisings in response to Christ's teachings. Before Claudius's response reached the city, Pilate was in a state of political turmoil and thus...
Actually, a religious source should seldom be the fulcrum of one's reason. The praetor at that time (Pontius) had sent 2l etters to the emporer on advice about what to do with Christ. The first explained his increasing power and strangely pacifistic nature; The emporer (I believe it was Claudius) wrote back in favor of Christ's life. The second letter expresses utter shame and fear of the Jewish uprisings in response to Christ's teachings. Before Claudius's response reached the city, Pilate was in a state of political turmoil and thus...
N
NewGuy
Guest
ajwps
Active Member
A guy in Paris saw a pit bull attacking a toddler.
He killed the pit bull and saved the child's life.
Reporters swarmed the fellow.
"Tell us! What's your name? All Paris will love you! Tomorrow's headline will be: : "Paris Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!"
The guy says, "But I'm not from Paris.
"Reporters: "That's OK. Then the whole of France will love you and tomorrow's headline will read: 'French Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'"
The guy says, "I'm not from France, either."
Reporters: "That's OK also. All Europe will love you. Tomorrow's headlines will read 'European Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'"
The guy says, "I'm not from Europe, either.
"Reporters: "So, where ARE you from?
The guy says, "I'm from Israel.
"Reporters: "OK. Then tomorrow's headlines will proclaim to the world: '''Israeli Kills Girl's Dog!'"
He killed the pit bull and saved the child's life.
Reporters swarmed the fellow.
"Tell us! What's your name? All Paris will love you! Tomorrow's headline will be: : "Paris Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!"
The guy says, "But I'm not from Paris.
"Reporters: "That's OK. Then the whole of France will love you and tomorrow's headline will read: 'French Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'"
The guy says, "I'm not from France, either."
Reporters: "That's OK also. All Europe will love you. Tomorrow's headlines will read 'European Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!'"
The guy says, "I'm not from Europe, either.
"Reporters: "So, where ARE you from?
The guy says, "I'm from Israel.
"Reporters: "OK. Then tomorrow's headlines will proclaim to the world: '''Israeli Kills Girl's Dog!'"
P
Publius
Guest
Ummm....this has nothing to do with what you are adressing. -In addition it doesn't prove your point. [/B][/QUOTE]
Sorry. I wasn't trying to prove anything. Everyone knows the only way to prove anything is religious rhetoric. You win.
Sorry. I wasn't trying to prove anything. Everyone knows the only way to prove anything is religious rhetoric. You win.
ajwps
Active Member
Ummm....this has nothing to do with what you are adressing. -In addition it doesn't prove your point. [/QUOTE]
Sorry but to prove 'fate' is to prove 'you exist.' Neither is possible.
Sorry. I wasn't trying to prove anything. Everyone knows the only way to prove anything is religious rhetoric. You win.
Religious rhetoric proves nothing but to the one using it. Scientific rhetoric proves nothing but to those adhering to current theories.
Sorry, I can prove nothing to you or to the scientific or religious ones.
Zhukov
VIP Member
I'd disagree with the existence part.
ajwps
Active Member
You, made of particles of star dust, swept into a pile now begins to exist. Do you comprehend that your life is only as your consciousness assumes you exist.
Then go ahead an prove that you have a solid existence not connected to every other sub-atomic particle ever created in this cosmos.
walwor
Member
First, I retract my statement calling you "obnoxious." I believe you think you are doing some service pointing out what you perceive as the fallacies of a religion you don't believe in.
Second, you continue to misread the statement in the parable. I have pointed it out as best I could, but the simple and flat fact is you are wrong. The entire passage is the parable, including the statement by the nobleman to slay his enemies. I can't make you see what you don't or won't see.
Third, there is no difference between G-d and Jesus. Jesus was G-d in the flesh. It was a miracle. It was the most important miracle, and one day you, too, will have to acknowledge it. My advice to you is one day to read the Gospels with an eye toward understanding them, as opposed to looking for "contradictions." I was born into the Jewish faith, but came to believe in Jesus. After this, I took the time to read the Qur'an, because the claim is made by the Moslems that the Qur'an is the final revelation of G-d, after Judaism and Christianity. I didn't read it with an eye to finding problems, I read it to see if it was, in fact, the revelation of G-d. (I use the spelling "G-d" so as not to offend you, I hope you know.) I found it to be impossible to believe in the Qur'an and also in Jesus as Son of God, and as crucified, because the Qur'an denies both. Not because of some opinion I have that Mohammed was too violent for my taste or anything like that. There was violence in the Old Testament. There will be violence before Jesus returns, and there will be "weeping and gnashing of teeth" when He does. I pray you're not one of those. It's one thing to be a skeptic, looking for "contradictions," it's quite another to truly seek G-d with all your heart, mind and soul.
ajwps
Active Member
First, I retract my statement calling you "obnoxious." I believe you think you are doing some service pointing out what you perceive as the fallacies of a religion you don't believe in.
And I believe you are pointing out that what you believe is the truth according to the written word (edited over centuries) as a real event.
Second, you continue to misread the statement in the parable. I have pointed it out as best I could, but the simple and flat fact is you are wrong. The entire passage is the parable, including the statement by the nobleman to slay his enemies. I can't make you see what you don't or won't see.
You intially said that all the statements in this Luke chapter were uttered by Jesus Christ of Nazareth himself and now you claim the 'nobleman' was the one who wanted to slay his enemies before him. How can you be taken seriously when you make contradictory statements? Why did Christ Jesus have to speak in parables at all? Parables can be misconstrued or meant to be anything anyone wants to believe? Why would a new god want to be mistaken in his statements instead of Thou Shalt Not or Thou Shalt type statements which are clear and unambiguous?
Third, there is no difference between G-d and Jesus. Jesus was G-d in the flesh. It was a miracle. It was the most important miracle, and one day you, too, will have to acknowledge it. My advice to you is one day to read the Gospels with an eye toward understanding them, as opposed to looking for "contradictions." I was born into the Jewish faith, but came to believe in Jesus. After this, I took the time to read the Qur'an, because the claim is made by the Moslems that the Qur'an is the final revelation of G-d, after Judaism and Christianity. I didn't read it with an eye to finding problems, I read it to see if it was, in fact, the revelation of G-d. (I use the spelling "G-d" so as not to offend you, I hope you know.) I found it to be impossible to believe in the Qur'an and also in Jesus as Son of God, and as crucified, because the Qur'an denies both. Not because of some opinion I have that Mohammed was too violent for my taste or anything like that. There was violence in the Old Testament. There will be violence before Jesus returns, and there will be "weeping and gnashing of teeth" when He does. I pray you're not one of those. It's one thing to be a skeptic, looking for "contradictions," it's quite another to truly seek G-d with all your heart, mind and soul.
You said it best, other religions didn't 'suit your taste.' Also there was violence in the Old Testament Torah and there was even more violence in the New Testament Gospel versions. Jesus beat up and chased the so-called money changers outside of the temple, Jesus slew an innocent living and thriving fig tree because he was hungry and the tree had no fruit, Jesus chased demons out of some men and into some innocent swine only to have them be drowned and Jesus (in or out of parable) said to have those who would not believe his divinity to be slain before him. No amount of twisting or parablizing will change this fact.
Your faith is now precious to you for your salvation is at stake. That is your right and I do not wish to make you see it any other way. But if the Jesus of the Gospels rejected the Jews for not "accepting Jesus" as you and Christianity claims, why have the Jewish people survived 2,100 years of Christian persecutions? How do you or Christianity explain the miracle of Jewish survival? Why has G-d restored the city of Jerusalem and the Land of Israel to His "rejected" people even though they "killed His son?"
Some Christians believe in what is known as 'replacement theology.' Where Jesus has replaced G-d's covenant with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob with his brand of godship and a new covenant with the Father.
You call yourself a former Jew but you have taken on the mantle of those who have scurged, pierced and crucified the son (the nation of the Hebrew children) in the past two eons.
Someday you will answer for your own decision.
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