Foster Care

[sky dancer]

Since we have a thread on adoption, I thought it may be interesting to discuss foster families.

Have any of you had foster children, or lived in a family as a foster child? I have.

 

[chloe]

No on both.

 

[Amanda]

Never heard anything good from either side.

 

[tigerbob]

Since we have a thread on adoption, I thought it may be interesting to discuss foster families.

Have any of you had foster children, or lived in a family as a foster child? I have.

I think foster parents in general do a fabulous and under-appreciated job. Every now and again there is a story in the media about something bad, but that's the nature of the media. Very little coverage is given to all the good that foster parents do. The reason? It doesn't sell papers.

 

[chloe]

Did you have bad experiences sky?

 

[Againsheila]

When I was in high school, I would babysit every Friday night for a couple that fostered 5 special needs kids. I had a ball playing with the kids and getting the one's in wheelchairs to play "Simon says". I missed out on a lot of Friday night games and movies with my friends but I figured if that couple could handle those kids the rest of the week, I could handle them for a few hours of Friday night. Funny thing is that other than going out to dinner, they almost always went shopping to buy things for the kids.

Those were some lucky foster kids. They ended up adopting two of them.

I often wonder how much that has to do with the fact that I now have two special needs kids of my own. IOW, was I given these kids because I've already had the training and can handle them? It's funny, I have two brothers and two sisters and none of them ever worked with special needs kids as we were growing up but I did it all the time, and I'm the only one if the family with special needs kids now. Just makes you think, that's all...

 

[DavidS]

Since we have a thread on adoption, I thought it may be interesting to discuss foster families.

Have any of you had foster children, or lived in a family as a foster child? I have.

I was in a foster home for the first 3 and a half years of my life. Then I was adopted. All kinds of fun!

 

[sky dancer]

Did you have bad experiences sky?

It was mixed. I was raised by a plethora of people, relatives and strangers. My parents lived as a married couple only in my first three years.

I lived with my grandmother, my Aunt Betty and Aunt Jane, three foster families and finally with my father when I was in high school.

I didn't see my mother at all after I was five. I found her in 1991 and met her at that time.

I did have a rough time with one of my aunts, who was extremely cruel and abusive. I lived with her for about five years. It was a kind of hell realm.

 

[sky dancer]

When I was in high school, I would babysit every Friday night for a couple that fostered 5 special needs kids. I had a ball playing with the kids and getting the one's in wheelchairs to play "Simon says". I missed out on a lot of Friday night games and movies with my friends but I figured if that couple could handle those kids the rest of the week, I could handle them for a few hours of Friday night. Funny thing is that other than going out to dinner, they almost always went shopping to buy things for the kids.

Those were some lucky foster kids. They ended up adopting two of them.

I often wonder how much that has to do with the fact that I now have two special needs kids of my own. IOW, was I given these kids because I've already had the training and can handle them? It's funny, I have two brothers and two sisters and none of them ever worked with special needs kids as we were growing up but I did it all the time, and I'm the only one if the family with special needs kids now. Just makes you think, that's all...

I'm sure this is variable and may reflect my own personal bias. I worked when I was in college at a youth hostel for special needs teenagers. Everyone I ever met who worked with special needs kids had the biggest hearts I've ever seen.

My bias is favorable toward parents and foster parents of special needs kids. You need so much patience and kindness to carry on.

 

[sky dancer]

I was in a foster home for the first 3 and a half years of my life. Then I was adopted. All kinds of fun!

David--

Do you remember the foster homes?

 

[DavidS]

David--

Do you remember the foster homes?

It was one foster home. And, yes, I remember it. I was very young, but I remember it.

 

[Againsheila]

I'm sure this is variable and may reflect my own personal bias. I worked when I was in college at a youth hostel for special needs teenagers. Everyone I ever met who worked with special needs kids had the biggest hearts I've ever seen.

My bias is favorable toward parents and foster parents of special needs kids. You need so much patience and kindness to carry on.

You get different reactions when you have special needs kids. I've had people tell me that the nicest families they've met are the ones with special needs kids and I've had other people run the other way when they find out my kid is low functioning autism, almost like they think it's gonna rub off.

Then there are the real idiots that claim it's all my fault because I must've done something wrong during pregnancy, or it must be in the genes and I shouldn't have had kids in the first place. Man, those people are a real joy...NOT!

I have nothing but favorable things to say about foster and adoptive parents of special needs kids. My kids are my own and my responsibility and I love them, but I would never have volunteered for this job.

 

[sky dancer]

I just mean that the people I have personally known who cared for special needs kids had HUGE open hearts.

 

[sky dancer]

It was one foster home. And, yes, I remember it. I was very young, but I remember it.

I remember mine too. I was three and a half and I was in two different Catholic Charity foster homes for three years before going to live with my aunt.

I wish I didn't remember living with my aunt.

 

[chloe]

It was mixed. I was raised by a plethora of people, relatives and strangers. My parents lived as a married couple only in my first three years.

I lived with my grandmother, my Aunt Betty and Aunt Jane, three foster families and finally with my father when I was in high school.

I didn't see my mother at all after I was five. I found her in 1991 and met her at that time.

I did have a rough time with one of my aunts, who was extremely cruel and abusive. I lived with her for about five years. It was a kind of hell realm.

Im sorry about those experiences you had. I understand how bad it is when you have to live with someone abusive. At least now your away from her.

 

[editec]

Not officially.

But I just got the word that I can expect two more kids will be moving in in the next month or so.

Do any of you have any bunkbeds I could borrow?

Seriously, I'm out of matresses, and come to think of it, I'll probably be out of blankets, too.

FYI, all these kids are working full time.(or as close as their employers will let them..none of them have health care, either)

They just don't make enough money to support themselves UNLESS they can live communally.