BluePhantom
Educator (of liberals)
I am willing to forgive. I am unwilling to hold onto the feelings of hurt, and enmity.
Imo, you can't "will" or "un-will" holding onto feelings of hurt and enmity. When these issues are sufficiently resolved in your heart and mind, there won't be a will required. It may be that you need to hold onto them long enough to fully examine and understand them, until you no longer have a need for them.
I think this is true to a large degree, but for me I have to make a conscious choice about whether I am going to let something bother me or not. There are some things that have happened in my life that I have not yet forgiven, but it's not because I can't. It's because I won't. To be extremely honest about it I won't because I still enjoy telling myself the story of how victimized I was in that situation. Eventually I will get bored of that story and start telling myself another story about how I became the hero in the face of a difficult situation, but right now I am still happy to tell myself "oh you poor guy, the world is just not fair, woe is me."
I understand perfectly that it's not a healthy or productive thing for me to do, but I am human like everyone else, and I will change my view on it when I am damn good and ready. But I feel I must make the conscious choice to do that. That's just how it works in my twisted brain.