An alcoholic is a person who doesn't know the meaning of self control. They say it's the first drink that gets you in trouble not the second, third or fourth but i don't think that's true. Self control is a big part of life that us human beings need to learn.
It's not about self control. It's EASY for a nonalcoholic to stop at one or two drinks. It doesn't take a lot of self control. Because they're not ADDICTED to alcohol.
That's another sign of an alcoholic...if you have to struggle to keep from drinking too much, you're probably an alcoholic. Nonalcoholics can take it or leave it. No big self-control needed.
It is a fact that many who start AA drop out. In fact most. Statistically the success rate of in house or outpatients treatment programs is pretty grim. As you illustrated, the alcoholic manages drinking through a clever web of deception, lies, manipulation, and pretense--whatever it takes to give him/her access and ability to alcohol. And yes, the alcoholic will have one drink or a half drink just to PROVE to others (or sometimes himself) that he is okay; he doesn't have problem; he can stop anytime he wants to. But he is already planning how he will get his next drink. He thinks about that next drink a lot even when he is not drinking. He arranges his life to make that next drink more accessible
Alcoholics are just like other people. Most are above normal in intelligence, sociable, personable, funny. Many never get a DUI or lose a job or a relationship because of their drinking. Or apparently because of their drinking. But they will drive drunk. Their work will suffer. Their relationships become as sick as their addiction because their loved ones will try to manage the alcoholic's addiction just as the alcoholic does.
The one thing that sets alcoholics apart from non alcoholics is that alcoholics are addicted. And like all addicts, the addiction becomes the number one most important thing in their life. Getting clean and sober does not cure the addiction. But it does remove it from priority.
Millions who do not get clean and sober from rehab/treatment or their first AA meetings, etc. do go on to get clean and sober later. The main advantage of rehab or AA or similar programs is that once the addict has been through them, they are much less able to lie to themselves about their addictions. Their addiciton will never again be as much 'fun'. And then you hear many success stories of people who eventually just quit on their own. But in truth, there is almost always a lot of history in that quitting.