Dear Patrick,

[Emmett]

I just wanted to congradulate you on your completeing the rehab assignment and getting back to work.

I'm really sorry about not being able to contain that sumbitch Hannity and his slanderous remarks about our good name but if he keeps it up I'm gonna take him for a ride over the bridge at you know where.

I also wanted to counsel you on your remarks yesterday about being black. I was having a drink this morning reading the paper when I saw that you made that comment about wanting to be treated as if you were black. Be careful son, people take those things the wrong way. That Hannity will twist the truth and make it look like you said something wrong.

Thanks for the Scotch, we broke it open last night to celebrate finishing off the two bottles of Crown we had, oh, never mind I was alone last night. I gotta get a more productive icemaker in my refrigerator though cause it won't keep up with me and I have to drink straight shots with no ice by the time the bottle(s) are done. It gives me indigestion. I have to drink a whole bottle os Schnapps to quell it.

Call me if you need anything.

Love Dad

 

[red states rule]

Patrick proves the beer does not fall far from the distillery

 

[Abbey Normal]

Dear Dad,
I am trying to emulate you in every way, but will I end up driving my wife to alcoholism like you did to Mom? Just wondering.

Love (hiccup), Patrick.

P.S. Can you believe how faithful George is to Laura? I never knew couples were capable of that!