Congress Passes Bill Allowing Surveillance On Every American Except For Those Who Bring Cocaine Into White House

[Votto]

Congress Passes Bill Allowing Surveillance On Every American Except For Those Who Bring Cocaine Into White House
POLITICS·Apr 13, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. government has passed a new bill allowing for widespread surveillance of every American citizen — unless, of course, they happen to be carrying cocaine into the White House.

The legislation grants unprecedented powers to intelligence agencies to monitor the communications and activities of individuals across the country without obtaining a warrant. Despite pushback from citizens who believe the government ought to obtain a warrant to spy on it own citizens, lawmakers laughed heartily and passed it anyway. However, the bill does carve out an exception for anyone sneaking a little nose candy past the Secret Service and into the Oval Office.

"I don't know what all the fuss is about," asked a confused Hunter Biden. "Congress ensured we're all free to get a quick bump to get our heads straight. What's the big deal?"

American citizens on the other hand voiced their frustrations with the bill. "I work hard, I love my country, and I keep my nose clean," said local man Zachary Levy. "But now I can't complain about Biden, or the economy, but I repeat myself, in my own home without worrying about an FBI agent showing up to my door."

At publishing time, President Biden responded to the backlash by announcing that he would ship a free Amazon Alexa to anyone upset by the law.

 

[JackOfNoTrades]

Congress Passes Bill Allowing Surveillance On Every American Except For Those Who Bring Cocaine Into White House
POLITICS·Apr 13, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. government has passed a new bill allowing for widespread surveillance of every American citizen — unless, of course, they happen to be carrying cocaine into the White House.

The legislation grants unprecedented powers to intelligence agencies to monitor the communications and activities of individuals across the country without obtaining a warrant. Despite pushback from citizens who believe the government ought to obtain a warrant to spy on it own citizens, lawmakers laughed heartily and passed it anyway. However, the bill does carve out an exception for anyone sneaking a little nose candy past the Secret Service and into the Oval Office.

"I don't know what all the fuss is about," asked a confused Hunter Biden. "Congress ensured we're all free to get a quick bump to get our heads straight. What's the big deal?"

American citizens on the other hand voiced their frustrations with the bill. "I work hard, I love my country, and I keep my nose clean," said local man Zachary Levy. "But now I can't complain about Biden, or the economy, but I repeat myself, in my own home without worrying about an FBI agent showing up to my door."

At publishing time, President Biden responded to the backlash by announcing that he would ship a free Amazon Alexa to anyone upset by the law.

It was found that bag belonged to Don Jr.

 

[boevans]

Just can't trust those drug happy GOP MAGAts.

 

[irosie91]

It was found that bag belonged to Don Jr.

transport of cocaine into the White House can be defended under the
GOOD SAMARITAN laws

 

[task0778]

The FISA bill allows surveillance of communications of foreign individuals and companies suspected of espionage and other illegal activities outside of the US. That surveillance is later collected into a database for authorities to search without a warrant. But because those foreigners often contact Americans, domestic data is also swept up in collection as well. It does not allow surveillance of all Americans, that is a lie.