Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
Yo, my name is Hakeem De-ashawntae Muhammad Jones. I is a community organizer, ya know what I’s sayin’? In 2020 I was a vote harvester. Now, you may be axing yo self, “Hakeem, what tis a vote harvester?” Well, I is glad you axed.
See, back in 2020 we wuz trying to save our racist as fuck country from a Nazi tyrant callin’ hisself “Donald Trump”. Whitey could not bring hisself to run another black man cuz Obama beat their asses so bad and exposed their racism. So we had to settle fo Joe Biden, who wuz Obama’s token honkey Vice President. In order to save DuhmOckriSeey, we had to make good and sure that Joe Biden won, you know what I is sayin’? Otherwise, Trump were gonna transform America, a fundamentally racist country, into Nazi Germany. That ain’t cool.
So I would go round in da hood with ballots made out fo Joe Biden and get Bruthas and sistas in da communidy to sign off on them. Then I would deliver da completed ballots to da precinct headquarters so that they can be counted for Biden. Understand?
Typically, my door to door meetings with members of da Kommudity wuld go sumthang like dis here.
“Knock, knock, knock. Hello sir, I is Hakeem and I is here to get yo vote. Now, since I see dat you is black, I know you am gonna vote fo Joe Biden, correct?”
Nine times outa ten, I would get their signature right then. But sometimes it would take a little mo work.
“Well sir, I understand yo hesitation bout Mr. Joe. But all dat racist shit you think he said were really just lies propomagated by the racist Republicans, ya dig? Joe is one of us! He were in the White House with ma boy, Obama! And you know Obama not gonna have him a racist in HIS house!”
If that did not convince da mothafukas to sign the goddamn ballot, I would have to go farther and throw some realty in their faces.
“Sir, do you want to go back to picking cotton on some honky’s plantation? Cuz that is exactly what’s gonna happen if Trump win.”
Or
“Sir, do you agree dat it would be bad fo us bruthas if the gubmint formed murder squads to go round killing unarmed black mens like they done did to brother George Floyd? Cuz that is exactly what Trump is gonna do.”
Or
“Sir, does you speak Russian? Well you better learn to real quick cuz Trump is gonna sell America to Putin if he get elected again. Then dat fat orange muthafucka is gonna go off to Moscow to be wit all his KGB buddies.”
Finally, if all dat don’t work - you know, if I get hold of some old Uncle Tom muthafucka, then I would just sign the ballot for him and turn it in! Shit, I ain’t gonna let some white supremacist n****r fuck up our Duh-mOckrIssy!! Dat be too impotent just to let any old mothafucka vote!
Best of all, I gets PAID fo dis shit!! I don’t exactly know where the money come from, and I don’t give a fuck. I just wants ta get PAID!!
See, back in 2020 we wuz trying to save our racist as fuck country from a Nazi tyrant callin’ hisself “Donald Trump”. Whitey could not bring hisself to run another black man cuz Obama beat their asses so bad and exposed their racism. So we had to settle fo Joe Biden, who wuz Obama’s token honkey Vice President. In order to save DuhmOckriSeey, we had to make good and sure that Joe Biden won, you know what I is sayin’? Otherwise, Trump were gonna transform America, a fundamentally racist country, into Nazi Germany. That ain’t cool.
So I would go round in da hood with ballots made out fo Joe Biden and get Bruthas and sistas in da communidy to sign off on them. Then I would deliver da completed ballots to da precinct headquarters so that they can be counted for Biden. Understand?
Typically, my door to door meetings with members of da Kommudity wuld go sumthang like dis here.
“Knock, knock, knock. Hello sir, I is Hakeem and I is here to get yo vote. Now, since I see dat you is black, I know you am gonna vote fo Joe Biden, correct?”
Nine times outa ten, I would get their signature right then. But sometimes it would take a little mo work.
“Well sir, I understand yo hesitation bout Mr. Joe. But all dat racist shit you think he said were really just lies propomagated by the racist Republicans, ya dig? Joe is one of us! He were in the White House with ma boy, Obama! And you know Obama not gonna have him a racist in HIS house!”
If that did not convince da mothafukas to sign the goddamn ballot, I would have to go farther and throw some realty in their faces.
“Sir, do you want to go back to picking cotton on some honky’s plantation? Cuz that is exactly what’s gonna happen if Trump win.”
Or
“Sir, do you agree dat it would be bad fo us bruthas if the gubmint formed murder squads to go round killing unarmed black mens like they done did to brother George Floyd? Cuz that is exactly what Trump is gonna do.”
Or
“Sir, does you speak Russian? Well you better learn to real quick cuz Trump is gonna sell America to Putin if he get elected again. Then dat fat orange muthafucka is gonna go off to Moscow to be wit all his KGB buddies.”
Finally, if all dat don’t work - you know, if I get hold of some old Uncle Tom muthafucka, then I would just sign the ballot for him and turn it in! Shit, I ain’t gonna let some white supremacist n****r fuck up our Duh-mOckrIssy!! Dat be too impotent just to let any old mothafucka vote!
Best of all, I gets PAID fo dis shit!! I don’t exactly know where the money come from, and I don’t give a fuck. I just wants ta get PAID!!
