- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
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One last heist vignette, once again inspired by my favorite American film, The Town starring the great Ben Affleck! Thanks so much for reading in these dark Coronavirus times (God bless),
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"My name's Isaac. I'm a cabbie in Boston. Boston's my town. I've grown up here, worked here, and I live here now, but I'm making a move to LA. However, before I leave, I want to leave this great US city a love-letter, for some inspiring folklore for these otherwise media-drenched boring times on Earth, filled with stories about global warming, overpopulation, disease, and of course, racism!"
"This is the bank I'll be robbing. It'a Citizens Bank in the North End of Boston. The security is very good. In fact, there's security all kinds computerized and locked vault doors and armed guards. They take it seriously. Maybe that's because Boston has become an area where bank robbery has become kind of like a street chat. This is a nice bank to rob, right?"
"I show up at the Citizens Bank dressed as a chauffeur and in a vintage rented and painted and refurbished old world taxi vehicle. It was difficult procuring this car, but it's worth the trouble, let me tell you! Boston is such a toast to American culture, and crime stories are a nice feather for American culture and history, which is why I'm robbing this Citizens Bank in the North End. So, I show up dressed as a chauffeur and wearing a protective Coronavirus mask."
"I walk up to the teller window and request to speak to the manager. I show the manager my briefcase which contains a video-recording unit. I explain that I've arrived in a vintage taxi car which I show him is parked right outside the bank itself. I then explain I'm here on behalf of a major movie star visiting Boston and seeking to open a very large traveler's account at Citizens. I then explain that I'll be performing a mock robbery of the $20 million diamonds stored in the vault room of the Citizens Bank, in safe box #445, belonging to a somewhat known unscupulous Saudi businessman named Ali Shah who happens to be a friend of this movie star. I then explain I'll be video-recording myself lifting the diamonds from te Saudi businessman's safe-box and then substituting the more valuable diamonds I've brought with me. The manager has no idea my diamonds are fake but is currently in awe of this media spectacle and its social and press implications!"
"I show the manager the Polaroid of the movie star whom I'm representing with this media stunt. I tell him he'll be arriving at the Citizens Bank about 30 minutes after I walk out with the unscrupulous Saudi businessman's substituted diamonds from safe box #445. The manager wonders if this media stunt involving this movie star visiting Boston is somehow related to recent news stories about the Saudi businessman seeking to forge more legal ties to the commercial world by establishing media-savvy ties to real world socialites (like the movie star I'm representing here!)."
"The bank inside is quite nice. The security is still tight, so I explain to the manager there's no reason to report any of this media spectacle to anyone else, since I'll be video-recording the diamond substitution with the recorder in my briefcase to give to the movie star I'm representing who'll then gift the video to the Boston news station. The manager understands this is some media stunt involving the Saudi businessman and the movie star but requires verification that the movie star's obtained permission from the Saudi businessman to perform this media stunt at Citizens Bank. As you can see therefore, this is a serious Boston bank, very professional indeed!"
"This is the vintage taxi car I've repainted and refurbished to bring to the Citizens Bank for this mid-day robbery. It's a really impressive automobile, but the deed is part of the theatricality of the heist which makes my movie star and Saudi businessman claims seem more valid and hence a tad more imaginatively realistic! The bank manager is impressed still with my vintage can but needs more proof!"
BANK MANAGER: "We're proud of the level of cyber and lock securities we have at Citizens Bank which our patrons appreciate."
"I explain to the manager that he should walk me to the vault first and allow me to at least video record the substitution of the diamonds from safe box #445 before deciding if this media stunt is worth all this theatricality. The manager laughs and decides he'll humor me with the video recording, in the offchance I really am representing that famous movie star who intends to open a large traveler's account at Citizens Bank and bring some nice press for the institution on the North End."
"Once inside the vault room, I pull out my bag of fake diamonds and have the manager open the safe box #445 and have him help me make the substitution while I make the video recording. I then tell him to keep both bags of diamonds while I leave him inside the vault room while I exit the bank and bring the movie star to enter the vault room with him waiting there for him! However, the manager doesn't realize I've lifted his safe box key-set from his pocket and then kept him locked inside the vault room while I enter the neighboring vault room to use the key-set to open the actual safe box with the diamonds I intend to steal! The diamonds in this other safe box, #448, belong to a druglord in Boston named Chaz Dinero. I obtained this information through the Boston underground, at an Irish mafia bar, before the day of this heist."
"I then walk out the bank with the bank manager still locked inside the vault room where I left him, holding the two bags of diamonds, one fake and belonging to me and the other real belonging to the corrupt Saudi businessman in Boston. I walk out Citizens Bank with Chaz Dinero's diamonds and give a portion to a fashion model who's doing a shoot across the street. I tell her to walk inside the bank about 10 minutes after I walk away and tell the manager the diamonds are a gift from the movie star I claimed to be representing. The fashion model agrees to perform this simple affable task for me!"
"I take the Boston subway out of the city and then email the Herald with the anonymous notice that the Boston druglord Chaz Dinero has been robbed of precious diamonds by an infilitrating terrorist. I forgot to mention that the safe-box key set I stole from the bank manager I decided to leave behind with a bank sales teller who I told just needed to keep the manager's keys for me, since he unwittingly placed them in my hands thinking I was going to return to the vault room after giving the sales teller the key set."
BOSTON POLICE OFFICER MATTHEW STAFFORD: "We'll catch this chauffeur thief before he leaves the country."
Unfortunately for Officer Stafford, I've already left for LA and changed my hair and appearance and put on eyeglasses and a mustache and beard and opened a baseball card store! Meanwhile, Officer Stafford is happy to be chasing the druglord Chaz Dinero who's been now implicated in all this modern-day Boston madness! Only in America can you find such a 'divine' tale. Cheers,"
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
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"My name's Isaac. I'm a cabbie in Boston. Boston's my town. I've grown up here, worked here, and I live here now, but I'm making a move to LA. However, before I leave, I want to leave this great US city a love-letter, for some inspiring folklore for these otherwise media-drenched boring times on Earth, filled with stories about global warming, overpopulation, disease, and of course, racism!"
"This is the bank I'll be robbing. It'a Citizens Bank in the North End of Boston. The security is very good. In fact, there's security all kinds computerized and locked vault doors and armed guards. They take it seriously. Maybe that's because Boston has become an area where bank robbery has become kind of like a street chat. This is a nice bank to rob, right?"
"I show up at the Citizens Bank dressed as a chauffeur and in a vintage rented and painted and refurbished old world taxi vehicle. It was difficult procuring this car, but it's worth the trouble, let me tell you! Boston is such a toast to American culture, and crime stories are a nice feather for American culture and history, which is why I'm robbing this Citizens Bank in the North End. So, I show up dressed as a chauffeur and wearing a protective Coronavirus mask."
"I walk up to the teller window and request to speak to the manager. I show the manager my briefcase which contains a video-recording unit. I explain that I've arrived in a vintage taxi car which I show him is parked right outside the bank itself. I then explain I'm here on behalf of a major movie star visiting Boston and seeking to open a very large traveler's account at Citizens. I then explain that I'll be performing a mock robbery of the $20 million diamonds stored in the vault room of the Citizens Bank, in safe box #445, belonging to a somewhat known unscupulous Saudi businessman named Ali Shah who happens to be a friend of this movie star. I then explain I'll be video-recording myself lifting the diamonds from te Saudi businessman's safe-box and then substituting the more valuable diamonds I've brought with me. The manager has no idea my diamonds are fake but is currently in awe of this media spectacle and its social and press implications!"
"I show the manager the Polaroid of the movie star whom I'm representing with this media stunt. I tell him he'll be arriving at the Citizens Bank about 30 minutes after I walk out with the unscrupulous Saudi businessman's substituted diamonds from safe box #445. The manager wonders if this media stunt involving this movie star visiting Boston is somehow related to recent news stories about the Saudi businessman seeking to forge more legal ties to the commercial world by establishing media-savvy ties to real world socialites (like the movie star I'm representing here!)."
"The bank inside is quite nice. The security is still tight, so I explain to the manager there's no reason to report any of this media spectacle to anyone else, since I'll be video-recording the diamond substitution with the recorder in my briefcase to give to the movie star I'm representing who'll then gift the video to the Boston news station. The manager understands this is some media stunt involving the Saudi businessman and the movie star but requires verification that the movie star's obtained permission from the Saudi businessman to perform this media stunt at Citizens Bank. As you can see therefore, this is a serious Boston bank, very professional indeed!"
"This is the vintage taxi car I've repainted and refurbished to bring to the Citizens Bank for this mid-day robbery. It's a really impressive automobile, but the deed is part of the theatricality of the heist which makes my movie star and Saudi businessman claims seem more valid and hence a tad more imaginatively realistic! The bank manager is impressed still with my vintage can but needs more proof!"
BANK MANAGER: "We're proud of the level of cyber and lock securities we have at Citizens Bank which our patrons appreciate."
"I explain to the manager that he should walk me to the vault first and allow me to at least video record the substitution of the diamonds from safe box #445 before deciding if this media stunt is worth all this theatricality. The manager laughs and decides he'll humor me with the video recording, in the offchance I really am representing that famous movie star who intends to open a large traveler's account at Citizens Bank and bring some nice press for the institution on the North End."
"Once inside the vault room, I pull out my bag of fake diamonds and have the manager open the safe box #445 and have him help me make the substitution while I make the video recording. I then tell him to keep both bags of diamonds while I leave him inside the vault room while I exit the bank and bring the movie star to enter the vault room with him waiting there for him! However, the manager doesn't realize I've lifted his safe box key-set from his pocket and then kept him locked inside the vault room while I enter the neighboring vault room to use the key-set to open the actual safe box with the diamonds I intend to steal! The diamonds in this other safe box, #448, belong to a druglord in Boston named Chaz Dinero. I obtained this information through the Boston underground, at an Irish mafia bar, before the day of this heist."
"I then walk out the bank with the bank manager still locked inside the vault room where I left him, holding the two bags of diamonds, one fake and belonging to me and the other real belonging to the corrupt Saudi businessman in Boston. I walk out Citizens Bank with Chaz Dinero's diamonds and give a portion to a fashion model who's doing a shoot across the street. I tell her to walk inside the bank about 10 minutes after I walk away and tell the manager the diamonds are a gift from the movie star I claimed to be representing. The fashion model agrees to perform this simple affable task for me!"
"I take the Boston subway out of the city and then email the Herald with the anonymous notice that the Boston druglord Chaz Dinero has been robbed of precious diamonds by an infilitrating terrorist. I forgot to mention that the safe-box key set I stole from the bank manager I decided to leave behind with a bank sales teller who I told just needed to keep the manager's keys for me, since he unwittingly placed them in my hands thinking I was going to return to the vault room after giving the sales teller the key set."
BOSTON POLICE OFFICER MATTHEW STAFFORD: "We'll catch this chauffeur thief before he leaves the country."
Unfortunately for Officer Stafford, I've already left for LA and changed my hair and appearance and put on eyeglasses and a mustache and beard and opened a baseball card store! Meanwhile, Officer Stafford is happy to be chasing the druglord Chaz Dinero who's been now implicated in all this modern-day Boston madness! Only in America can you find such a 'divine' tale. Cheers,"
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
