Anything to declare?

[Colin]

A distinguished young woman on a flight to Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course my child what may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes, perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!

 

[germanguy]

Father sees his 16 year old son masturbating.
He says: "Son, ever thought about having sex with a woman ?"
Son: "Ohh, yes."
Father: "OK, but according to what I see, you are not prepared to satisfy a woman.
I therefore have the following proposal:
You train your technique and I will then, when I see you are ready, give you money for a good hooker."
So:"Great ! But how shall I train this ?"
Father:"You see our family´s oak-tree in the garden ? At the proper hight, there is a hole in the tree you can train with. And I will oversee your progress."
Sonnot so convinced) "OK then"

For months the son is training furiously, getting hints from his father what to make better.
After four month daddy calls his son and says:
"Son I have seen you making great progress. Here you have 500 Euros, get yourself a nice evening".
Son gets to the town´s brothel, chooses an experienced and sexy hooker, goes to the room with her.
Up there she asks:"Ok - how you would like it?"
Son: "Hm, first get naked, get to the middle of the room, backside to me and bow down."
She thinks "Hell, he kid knows what he wants".
Suddenly she gets a violent kick in her ass and falls flat to the floor.
"What the ... was that for you prick!"
"Sorry, had to scare away the squirrels first"

regards
ze germanguy