Anything Goes Humor

[Auld Phart]

 

[Auld Phart]

 

[Wyld Kard]

 

[Wyld Kard]

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so.

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger..." St. Peter says "Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted." and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" "Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment..." "Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted" and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun "Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!" Sister Susan responds "Well if I'm going to have to gargle this stuff, I'd rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!"

 

[williepete]

A future pilot in the making

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Rick says: "I wanna start out as a Pilot, then go fly planes for a big airline become a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite
Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a screen door in a hurricane.”

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Rick she decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

"And how about you, Susie?"

"I want to be Rick's whore."
__________________

 

[Auld Phart]

 

[Auld Phart]

 

[Auld Phart]

 

[Wyld Kard]

Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"

Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!"

Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!". "Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just like the story says!"

 

[Auld Phart]

 

[ABikerSailor]

Ladies? Are you interested? I can read what the message says, and yeah, I do that pretty well.

 

[ChrisL]

Ladies? Are you interested? I can read what the message says, and yeah, I do that pretty well.

Only people that fuck really good can read what this ????? says. I couldn't determine the second to last word.

 

[Auld Phart]

message

 

[Bonzi]

 

[Auld Phart]

 

[sealybobo]

Guys making love to a woman he says spread your legs wider, WIDER! She says "what are you trying to get your balls in?" He says "no I'm trying to get them out!"

 

[Auld Phart]

 

[Bonzi]

 

[Bonzi]

oh you didn't like that one WillHaftawaite

 

[Auld Phart]

I found it informative.