- Banned
- #1
This book is a nightmarish book.. a truely nightmarish book based around torture, murder and inhumane confinement.
There was a believer whose life was taking an upturn.. His life was one of 'not so many glorious days' and when he decided to give his life over to The LORD and to Holy God through and with Christ Messiah, he really thought his life was going to change.. and for the better.
He knew that change was not going to occur all at once; although he's seen miracle stories of pyschoses being healed over night; of suicides being prevented and the life being changed overnight.. he did hear of these but his life was not like these.. his life was ordinary.. A lot of partying; according only to his own terminology, alot of skipping college and alot of hope for his future. Although his outlook on his future was based around vanity, his morals and optimistic outlook is what kept him going and believing he was heading towards a lucrative future.... a life like he was seeing in every car around town going to work every morning in their careered life... (he just; however, did not realize that these lives was that 'future' his hope was hoping upward towards).
And so as he gave his life to the Creating Ones, he really believed he had a chance in this world of Theirs. Maybe he could really make something of himself or maybe he can really accept something in this world.. not in his world.. but in this world full of things and events and faces and ideas and even hatreds that he could never have thought up of even if his job entailed him to. Maybe, he thought, he will make it in this world.. not his own world but Theirs....
Fast forward 20 years...
He is still a believer.. His relationships with God, the Creating Ones, has gotten stronger and more 'intimate'.. more 1 on 1.. more dialoged; less needing appointment times or prearranged 'formality' in addressing... He was speaking to God, to Them, as a child might to his or her parent over the phone... or at least heading in that direction.. But he began soon learning to hate these Ones.
In his mind, in his speech, he was being killed, murdered, tortured.. He was being stripped of his flesh; literally and he was crying out.. He was crying out and those he knew in reality; his family members; they were fleeing.. Fleeing away from him; fleeing out of State and into a new State.. And soon he was left with no body. No body except his own body and the murderers in his head. These persons in his head started out being those Ones.. those Ones he thought he gave his life to.. Those Ones he really believed Were going to take him in that upward life direction.. into that hope of his future where life was cleaner and brighter and more .. well less... partied.. less lacking ... more 'adult'... more daily... less weekend-ed... 20 years into the future and he started to 'hate' having conversations with these ones he thought he had grown to love and trust...
He even was becoming unsure if these ones were actually True from the beginning but with the looks of it, They had to have been false for turning out to be False. Their fruits did not last longer than his sincerity of giving his life to Them.. Their fruits of 'niceties' began turning into murder and torture and a non stopping daily occurring of this... and he was daily crying out.. pained, physically beginning to show the marks and scars of these abuses.. But all the while he had thought he had found those ones whom he would be able to freely love.. freely talk to.. as a child might to his or her parents over the phone...
His childhood was not very blessed in this avenue of having such parental 'loves' talked with over the phone.. .especially with his real biological mother needing to work in excessive hours to try to keep up with her lifestyle and monthly bills. His biological father had passed away when he turned 21.. Maybe a few days.. or was it a week, after his 21st birthday.. Dang.. he thought when he punched a crack into the driver's side war windshield... 'couldn't even wait a full month or something', he thought... He remembered that photo that was taken on his 21st birthday.. of him walking into the doorway of his apartment caring a 12 pack, or was it a 6 pack, of beer. A big smile upon his face as if saying, 'yes, legal as of today and not being shy about it.' A week or so after this picture was taken, he mourns over news of his biological father's passing... And he punches a crack into the windshield.. all in the first week or so.. not even a month into that joyous time.. oh well.. life... his life.. it was going on track.. nothing too dismounted from the direction his life blessings had been... He was always neglected.. but he never complained.. he minded but he never complained.. He had bright hopes for his own future.. He was waiting for his time...
And so these loves he thought he was able to trust and rely on.. upon these new found treasures that he went and sold all he had to purchase; these pearls that to him were so Righteous that he wanted to share the blessings of Them everywhere he went, began to expose itself as possible fake pearls.. Possible fake pearls.. maybe mother of pearl.. maybe black pearl.. but nonetheless false.. Their fruits had begun having him learn what it meant to hate and to spite and to spit upon with hatred.. He had never known these but now these had gotten into his inwards.. deep into his inwards... he was beginning to be more 'human' to other persons' eyes but more of someone he never knew according to his.. His outlooked futured life past.. the way he was optimistic, even within that 1st week after his 21st birthday, began to grow dim and embittered with spite and even self shame.
There was a believer whose life was taking an upturn.. His life was one of 'not so many glorious days' and when he decided to give his life over to The LORD and to Holy God through and with Christ Messiah, he really thought his life was going to change.. and for the better.
He knew that change was not going to occur all at once; although he's seen miracle stories of pyschoses being healed over night; of suicides being prevented and the life being changed overnight.. he did hear of these but his life was not like these.. his life was ordinary.. A lot of partying; according only to his own terminology, alot of skipping college and alot of hope for his future. Although his outlook on his future was based around vanity, his morals and optimistic outlook is what kept him going and believing he was heading towards a lucrative future.... a life like he was seeing in every car around town going to work every morning in their careered life... (he just; however, did not realize that these lives was that 'future' his hope was hoping upward towards).
And so as he gave his life to the Creating Ones, he really believed he had a chance in this world of Theirs. Maybe he could really make something of himself or maybe he can really accept something in this world.. not in his world.. but in this world full of things and events and faces and ideas and even hatreds that he could never have thought up of even if his job entailed him to. Maybe, he thought, he will make it in this world.. not his own world but Theirs....
Fast forward 20 years...
He is still a believer.. His relationships with God, the Creating Ones, has gotten stronger and more 'intimate'.. more 1 on 1.. more dialoged; less needing appointment times or prearranged 'formality' in addressing... He was speaking to God, to Them, as a child might to his or her parent over the phone... or at least heading in that direction.. But he began soon learning to hate these Ones.
In his mind, in his speech, he was being killed, murdered, tortured.. He was being stripped of his flesh; literally and he was crying out.. He was crying out and those he knew in reality; his family members; they were fleeing.. Fleeing away from him; fleeing out of State and into a new State.. And soon he was left with no body. No body except his own body and the murderers in his head. These persons in his head started out being those Ones.. those Ones he thought he gave his life to.. Those Ones he really believed Were going to take him in that upward life direction.. into that hope of his future where life was cleaner and brighter and more .. well less... partied.. less lacking ... more 'adult'... more daily... less weekend-ed... 20 years into the future and he started to 'hate' having conversations with these ones he thought he had grown to love and trust...
He even was becoming unsure if these ones were actually True from the beginning but with the looks of it, They had to have been false for turning out to be False. Their fruits did not last longer than his sincerity of giving his life to Them.. Their fruits of 'niceties' began turning into murder and torture and a non stopping daily occurring of this... and he was daily crying out.. pained, physically beginning to show the marks and scars of these abuses.. But all the while he had thought he had found those ones whom he would be able to freely love.. freely talk to.. as a child might to his or her parents over the phone...
His childhood was not very blessed in this avenue of having such parental 'loves' talked with over the phone.. .especially with his real biological mother needing to work in excessive hours to try to keep up with her lifestyle and monthly bills. His biological father had passed away when he turned 21.. Maybe a few days.. or was it a week, after his 21st birthday.. Dang.. he thought when he punched a crack into the driver's side war windshield... 'couldn't even wait a full month or something', he thought... He remembered that photo that was taken on his 21st birthday.. of him walking into the doorway of his apartment caring a 12 pack, or was it a 6 pack, of beer. A big smile upon his face as if saying, 'yes, legal as of today and not being shy about it.' A week or so after this picture was taken, he mourns over news of his biological father's passing... And he punches a crack into the windshield.. all in the first week or so.. not even a month into that joyous time.. oh well.. life... his life.. it was going on track.. nothing too dismounted from the direction his life blessings had been... He was always neglected.. but he never complained.. he minded but he never complained.. He had bright hopes for his own future.. He was waiting for his time...
And so these loves he thought he was able to trust and rely on.. upon these new found treasures that he went and sold all he had to purchase; these pearls that to him were so Righteous that he wanted to share the blessings of Them everywhere he went, began to expose itself as possible fake pearls.. Possible fake pearls.. maybe mother of pearl.. maybe black pearl.. but nonetheless false.. Their fruits had begun having him learn what it meant to hate and to spite and to spit upon with hatred.. He had never known these but now these had gotten into his inwards.. deep into his inwards... he was beginning to be more 'human' to other persons' eyes but more of someone he never knew according to his.. His outlooked futured life past.. the way he was optimistic, even within that 1st week after his 21st birthday, began to grow dim and embittered with spite and even self shame.
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