a nightmarish book: God, the Pastor and the Believer.

[deorro 1]

This book is a nightmarish book.. a truely nightmarish book based around torture, murder and inhumane confinement.

There was a believer whose life was taking an upturn.. His life was one of 'not so many glorious days' and when he decided to give his life over to The LORD and to Holy God through and with Christ Messiah, he really thought his life was going to change.. and for the better.

He knew that change was not going to occur all at once; although he's seen miracle stories of pyschoses being healed over night; of suicides being prevented and the life being changed overnight.. he did hear of these but his life was not like these.. his life was ordinary.. A lot of partying; according only to his own terminology, alot of skipping college and alot of hope for his future. Although his outlook on his future was based around vanity, his morals and optimistic outlook is what kept him going and believing he was heading towards a lucrative future.... a life like he was seeing in every car around town going to work every morning in their careered life... (he just; however, did not realize that these lives was that 'future' his hope was hoping upward towards).

And so as he gave his life to the Creating Ones, he really believed he had a chance in this world of Theirs. Maybe he could really make something of himself or maybe he can really accept something in this world.. not in his world.. but in this world full of things and events and faces and ideas and even hatreds that he could never have thought up of even if his job entailed him to. Maybe, he thought, he will make it in this world.. not his own world but Theirs....

Fast forward 20 years...

He is still a believer.. His relationships with God, the Creating Ones, has gotten stronger and more 'intimate'.. more 1 on 1.. more dialoged; less needing appointment times or prearranged 'formality' in addressing... He was speaking to God, to Them, as a child might to his or her parent over the phone... or at least heading in that direction.. But he began soon learning to hate these Ones.


In his mind, in his speech, he was being killed, murdered, tortured.. He was being stripped of his flesh; literally and he was crying out.. He was crying out and those he knew in reality; his family members; they were fleeing.. Fleeing away from him; fleeing out of State and into a new State.. And soon he was left with no body. No body except his own body and the murderers in his head. These persons in his head started out being those Ones.. those Ones he thought he gave his life to.. Those Ones he really believed Were going to take him in that upward life direction.. into that hope of his future where life was cleaner and brighter and more .. well less... partied.. less lacking ... more 'adult'... more daily... less weekend-ed... 20 years into the future and he started to 'hate' having conversations with these ones he thought he had grown to love and trust...

He even was becoming unsure if these ones were actually True from the beginning but with the looks of it, They had to have been false for turning out to be False. Their fruits did not last longer than his sincerity of giving his life to Them.. Their fruits of 'niceties' began turning into murder and torture and a non stopping daily occurring of this... and he was daily crying out.. pained, physically beginning to show the marks and scars of these abuses.. But all the while he had thought he had found those ones whom he would be able to freely love.. freely talk to.. as a child might to his or her parents over the phone...

His childhood was not very blessed in this avenue of having such parental 'loves' talked with over the phone.. .especially with his real biological mother needing to work in excessive hours to try to keep up with her lifestyle and monthly bills. His biological father had passed away when he turned 21.. Maybe a few days.. or was it a week, after his 21st birthday.. Dang.. he thought when he punched a crack into the driver's side war windshield... 'couldn't even wait a full month or something', he thought... He remembered that photo that was taken on his 21st birthday.. of him walking into the doorway of his apartment caring a 12 pack, or was it a 6 pack, of beer. A big smile upon his face as if saying, 'yes, legal as of today and not being shy about it.' A week or so after this picture was taken, he mourns over news of his biological father's passing... And he punches a crack into the windshield.. all in the first week or so.. not even a month into that joyous time.. oh well.. life... his life.. it was going on track.. nothing too dismounted from the direction his life blessings had been... He was always neglected.. but he never complained.. he minded but he never complained.. He had bright hopes for his own future.. He was waiting for his time...

And so these loves he thought he was able to trust and rely on.. upon these new found treasures that he went and sold all he had to purchase; these pearls that to him were so Righteous that he wanted to share the blessings of Them everywhere he went, began to expose itself as possible fake pearls.. Possible fake pearls.. maybe mother of pearl.. maybe black pearl.. but nonetheless false.. Their fruits had begun having him learn what it meant to hate and to spite and to spit upon with hatred.. He had never known these but now these had gotten into his inwards.. deep into his inwards... he was beginning to be more 'human' to other persons' eyes but more of someone he never knew according to his.. His outlooked futured life past.. the way he was optimistic, even within that 1st week after his 21st birthday, began to grow dim and embittered with spite and even self shame.

 

[deorro 1]

He had moved to a State where his family had been within for most of their careered life. In fact, they retired from within this State. And when he moved to this State to attend to their aging, retiring, years, he had already made that decision and had already been 'baptized' into The Lord. He had already been a firm believer for enough years for him to be able to stand upon his own if he needed to.. But still overly young so that he needed the assistance of other 'Church' members from time to time to keep his strength 'sharpened' and ready.

And it was during these years of tending to his family that these sharpenings and honings occurred. His daily 'armour' of God. After these years and after his mother's passing and the other family members' moving out of State, he was left in a State where he went to for the purposes of being near to his family only to have that purpose 'flee', so it seemed, away from him... How bizarre! How bizarre it is for his purpose to 'flee' like that... Just how dang bizarre could that be? And now he was there, in that State, without family, without that lucrative career, without his purpose around anymore.. He was alone.. completely alone.. Him and what he had with him.. Those Ones in his mind.. Whom soon prior had begun to work these killing, murderous, torturous ways within... And it was beginning to take its physical pain toll.


After a while he began to wonder what he might have done to have warranted such strange 'hatreds' from Ones so much greater than himself. What could I have done, he kept asking.. He loved his family, he tried to be a good neighbor, he tried to not upset anyone.. he even went as far as trying to keep his neighborhood safe from vandals and those occasional ones that came in but ended up leaving with broken beer bottles around on the streets. Yes.. he began to even try to do these good things of trying to keep his neighborhood safe.. ? Safe? Well..

From his past experiences living in a different State, his idea of 'good' was to keep his neighborhood safe from such 'intrusions' contrary to family well being. When 'shady' youths or even adults entered into 'family' structured and 'family ordered' neighborhoods, to chase them away was to keep family from being crept upon by some wolves, unawares; God forbidding they should enter into the homes and rooms of these lovely family ones. And so he tried even to be upright enough to stand up for his neighborhood; although this meant he needed to stand down against the wrong doers.. But at least no one was going to end up getting hurt, right? Or so that's what 'safety' tries to get at..

So being alone, no family, no friends, no career and no optimistic outlook and the fleeing of his 'purpose' left him dumbfounded... almost in a daze... Almost in a daze for believing that he had been directly brought back to his family, by Those Ones whom he thought he could trust, yet now with no one there to be as a support or loving member of and to his own personal life...


No love from any family.. No love, so it seemed, from those Ones in his mind... No love from his no friends.. No love from his optimistic outlook; life had advanced 20 years.. his 21 had turned to 41 and even more.. No love from his 'purpose'.. after all they did 'flee', away, right? So.. no love.. for him.. no love except what he had grown accustomed to.. that torture, that killing that murder.. daily.. from those ones he had grown to love and 'trust'..


On the streets and on the news they call these types of 'love' relationships, wife beating relationships.. or something like that.... a co-dependency type relationship is what psychologists call it.. others call it crazy for the abused one to not be able to get out of such an abusive relationship..


And this is where the nightmarish story begins.. this is where God, the Pastor and the Believer begins.. only a year or 2 ago.. A year or 2 ago.. when his 'mother' and purpose was as healthy as oxen anticipating an upward turn in 'life'...

Now the mother has passed.. The purpose fleed out of State. The upward turn in life ... those might have been received by others, elsewhere... I'm not too sure...


-------




Mother used to always say to him.... 'you are the only 'love' in my life.. without you I have noone'.. Although she used to say this, she didn't really understand that this did not make all too much sense. Her first language was not English but she tried.. she really did.. well not really.. but her heart was in the right place... she cared.. she just didn't really apply all those English language skills as they taught her she ought to.. So when she said this, she meant, 'do good and do right and don't bring your mother to shame'.. . Of course he understood this..


So with a strange turning of events, the believer ended up alone.. Alone.. with those in his mind needing to figure out what They were going to do while in his head...



Where is the Pastor in all of this?

Well.. it goes something like this..

The day he asked his pastor for some Godly advice he received an advice that required more attending to that Church. But because Church attendance was only 1 facet to his walk within his life; with all that were then, he really couldn't. He wanted to but the understanding 'relationship' was not there.. He tried to find a Pastor he could speak to, maybe openly and not ashamedly, about really sincere matters... For example.. the mother...

She was not a practicing Christian.. In fact, although she believed without a shadow of a doubt that God Most High had/has an Only Begotten Son, Christ Messiah, Who was crucified and died and was buried, and on the 3rd day resurrected, although she believed in this, she did not consider herself a Christian as he considered himself to be. Rather she considered herself more of a Buddhist.. A person continually needing help; a person continually needing to deal with associating with others NOT in their personal top 10 list, a person who continually understood that humanity was so small yet so large in pride and boasting.. She considered herself this.. And with this she practiced, what is known in Christianity, idolatry. And to this idolatry, the son, her son, hated.. preferred much much less than if she had none of that sort within her life...

And herein is where the Pastor comes into play.. even to the point of extending his finger from time to time as The LORD and Holy God and even Christ Messiah, can extend His/Theirs..


But to the Believer, when the Pastor and The LORD and Holy God and Christ Messiah and the rest of the neighborhood, those he does not 'know' seem to be pointing their finger.. well.. I guess those Ones in his mind ought to assist if They are True, right?


There is something the Believer learned... Mercy..

He learned about Mercy.. Mercy ..

His mother was so loved and endeared upon because of her ways with 'mercy'. She was just so 'loved'.. by her son.. because she knew what 'mercy' meant.. And of course she did.. she was human.. she could let wrongs 'slide', if you know what I mean... and even 'compensated' for..

But yes.. the Believer learned about mercy.. although with and towards Them, the Creating Ones, Righteous Mercy that definitely COULD NOT be mistaken for 'human' mercy.. What is/are the difference(s)? Human mercy says, I don't need to hear your side or your side.. let's both receive equal amounts and even 'more' on top of that...

Righteous mercy says, I need to judge rightly and without biasness to the ones on trial while NOT neglecting the listeners in the seats attendances.. while being attentive and 'rightful' to the ears of the listeners' understanding and righteousness' also...


Human 'mercy' can sometimes be interchangeably called 'bribery'.. or getting along with 'gifts'.. but still... Bribery? Gift giving? Human mercy? From The LORD and Holy God and Christ Messiah? I mean... what?? are they wanting to sign up for the 'boys' team' or something?



And yet herein is the greater measure.

When opportunity to do 'good' arises, to get onto the 'Good', 'Godly' path for Their Name's sake.

 

[deorro 1]

When opportunity to do 'good' arises, to get onto the 'Good', 'Godly' path for Their Name's sake...

the Greater measure..

no less than 30 minutes since I've been uplifted has this been Godly uplifting been appointed to be removed.. back to the wrongs of life.. back to the whys.. back to Them needing to figure out what They are going to do in my head.. Otherwise, although I've asked Them.. please.. leave me.. depart from me.. They need to go...


It's strange how any person can use modern day avenues for excuses.. Sometimes, it's a trap.. Sometimes those avenues are waiting for the lured to come right into the trap... It's hard to understand but they also need to realize that their life on Earth has NOT been treated any less fairly than the others that enter in.. Only for them they were the first choice; they were the chosen; not the victims..

What am I trying to say? Easy.. It's about them and Them..

It never really was about me.. It really never was about any Upright in The Way person who wanted no-thing to do with the struggle between The LORD and God and Christ Messiah and Their rebellious little children who never receive Their True Righteousness; even in righteous Mercy.. Yes, They are like parents unto the rebellious ones.. Why? Because the little children obviously accepted an offer.. Because the little ones obviously was given the opportunity to be 'held' and treated as little children unto Them.. The rest of humanity who do not want to rebel? Those who do not want any association with evil against The LORD and Holy God and Christ Messiah? It's not about them, it's not about us, remember? The Upright in the Way need to live with Them needing to figure out what They are going to do with Their rebellious little children... and waiting and waiting and waiting.. in this generation and the next and even maybe in the priors.. This whole existence of the revolving door concept of Christ Messiah and God and The LORD and daily mercy and daily 'why' to Their reluctance to make any formal, real change has been going on for alot longer than this year. It has been going on since it was written of in The Book of (I)sa(i)ah. Them needing to always tend to Their rebellious children.. then, past, and now... and seemingly no change has occurred.. the world is still with many rebellious little children whom The LORD raised... And when you read in the pages of how their obstinate attitude is not pleasing to The LORD and is non beneficial to life in general, one begins to realize that this is what The Holy Bible is mainly filled with.. The turning away from such 'evils/wrongs' unto the 'good'... But again... for those that have... why the continued pain and misery of worse assimilation of receiving what is intended for others for the sake of mercy.. for the sake of Christ taking on the pains and sufferings, as it were, for the well being of His rebellious little ones.. all because they offer Them some false promise with a childish smile which gives Them some kind of 'hope' that they will actually live and not die.... And the fruits of pain and suffering that they were to have received but were offset due to their 'lies'? lies which is rebellion.... they have to be placed somewhere, right? and unless the wheat germ falls and dies, it cannot bear fruit.. Who is going to offer Their little rebellious ones some 'grains' or seeds of wheat for the seeds to take root and begin bearing fruit.. not unto being non fruitful but unto being fruitful... Such a fear They have to let Their little rebellious ones receive of the world as the rest of humanity does.. with pains and sufferings and consequences for bad choices needing to be dealt with... Or could it be that Their little rebellious ones end up being mankind's murderers and killers?


---



Out of my window I looked and I beheld a young man, devoid of understanding, walking down the way by her house.. I also beheld, as I looked out my window, another one looking out of her window, watching the same. Why an aged woman would want to keep her eyes fixated on such a wicked act.. Or why an adult male would want to keep his eyes fixated upon such.. strange..

So as I looked and beheld the young man.. I saw a woman rush out of the home to greet him.. and with a gut turning kiss began to churn the sicknesses within the guts unto abhorrence yet knowledge that sexuality and death and a torturing of the nude were within... That torturing of the nude.. that flesh being tortured while the gut churns as it beholds within.. Some relish and sell this to many in the world.. there are places where flesh is tortured for sexual gut sickening sake.. and often times with a price that needs to be paid for prior to membership or glimpse into a reality that only a few are privy of.


Yet still ... the greater measure..

Those that have found their safe way out of such fields to The LORD, to Holy God, to Christ Messiah..

And what is being said again? That the escape is not the end? That the escape is not enough? That I need to reenter into that field for mercy's sake?


What is that field?

Matthew 13:38 "The field is the world; the good seed are the children of the kingdom; but the tares are the children of the wicked one;"


(J)erem(i)ah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"


I, myself, am a child of my own 'wicked one'...


I have never seen love so blind so as to hurt another, beyond appreciation, for the hoped for sake of a life saved. Such human hearts that portray this type of blind love, in role playing, play as the role of The One who sent Christ Messiah to suffer and bleed and pain for the sake of That World which God so loved.. and that world is not you or me.. that world that God so loved is not about this 1 generation with this 1 set of humans.. But unto any who believe, everlasting life is offered in and as a return. The strange part, again, is how They Themselves don't seem to understand this.. How They Themselves seem 'trapped' in that lifestyle, cycle of the rebellious ones to whom They must, seemingly, provide for day in and day out, moment to moment to pains and sufferings placed upon the Upright in The Way for some hopeful hope that the rebellious ones will live and not die... To have the Upright in The Way 'die' in place of the rebellious, so it seems.. so that the rebellious might have another opportunity to attempt to turn from the evil/wrongs unto the good until unable again to wait for another set or persons of Upright in The Ways to arrive for another chance to 'save' Their little rebellious children... I wonder if They really are Sincere as to why Christ Messiah suffered.. So that many could be free from such vicious cycles and so that many could have life and life more abundantly.



To French Kiss Holy God..

Demonic being played upon as 'cute'. Cute as if a child with no understanding nor harmful spirit were to be the one doing this.

 

[deorro 1]

To French Kiss Holy God...

I heard a saying..

Promises in life must never be undermined...


I thought this was like a Golden Rule or something. Nothing new.. Nothing out of the ordinary... Nothing to be overly excited about as though some new 'Law' was given to mankind.... right?


So to that one who says such things as though his or her saying it makes a difference to any who said it previously or now or even later...


This is a Promise that was Given by God . That any who should believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. Everlasting life by The Everlasting Father..

(J)ohn 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

That whosoever believeth in him.. either God or The Only Begotten Son, should not perish,.. but have everlasting life..


Any talks of demons or devils or even Lucifer who seeks to destroy lives and future salvations which are heading towards life eternally with Them, The Holy Creators, are nothing more than your ordinary neighbor human being(s); although they can come in many different forms and sizes and shapes... even ethnicities and 'races'.


FYI...

did you have knowledge that the name 'lucifer' was never written out as clearly and as vocally in the original Hebrew texts as it is in the English? Lucifer was a new man-given name by the early Church to the generalized term of 'helel'; not to be confused with heil as in heil Hitler or any other 'heil' or hail, which was replaced with the Name Lucifer, in the book of (I)sa(i)ah. And 'helel' not having a formal Name noun attribution to the word but a general noun attribution basically meaning, 'an idolator'?


This is going to take some time getting used to and to allow to really 'sink' in but you should not be denied....

The crucifix with Holy Messiah upon it.. The 'man' with long hair, in the undergarments, crucified with the superscription above his head which is read in letter form: I N R I ... these are Latin letters..

I for Iesus .. which they, the Romans used as the name for Christ Messiah.
N for Nazareth .. which is the 'town/or city' from where Christ Messiah was known to have made His 'home'.
R .. which stands for King. 'REX' or King in the Latin language.
I .. which stands for Iudaeorum, which stands for the word (J)ews, today, then;

From Ancient Greek Ἰουδαῖος (Ioudaîos), ultimately from Hebrew יְהוּדָה‎ (yehûdâ, “Judah”).

Pronunciation

• (Classical) IPA(key): /juːˈdae̯.us/, [juːˈd̪ae̯.ʊs]
• (Ecclesiastical) IPA(key): /juˈde.us/, [juˈd̪ɛː.us]

Adjective
iūdaeus (feminine iūdaea, neuter iūdaeum); first/second-declension adjective

1. Jewish, of or pertaining to the Jewish people.

Iudaeroum


Keeping in mind that the name 'Judah' never really existed then because the letter 'J' was not in their Hebrew alphabet nor is it, currently, in their current Hebrew alphabet.. The worldly accepted letter 'J' was never accepted into the Hebrew alphabet as it was in the English alphabet.


The letters u and j, as distinct from v and i, were introduced in the 16th century, and w assumed the status of an independent letter. The variant lowercase form long s (ſ) lasted into early modern English, and was used in non-final position up to the early 19th century. Today, the English alphabet is considered to consist of the following 26 letters:

• A a
• B b
• C c
• D d
• E e
• F f
• G g
• H h
• I i
• J j
• K k
• L l
• M m
• N n
• O o
• P p
• Q q
• R r
• S s
• T t
• U u
• V v
• W w
• X x
• Y y
• Z z

Prior....


In the year 1011, a monk named Byrhtferð recorded the traditional order of the Old English alphabet.[2] He listed the 24 letters of the Latin alphabet first (including ampersand), then 5 additional English letters, starting with the Tironian note ond (⁊), an insular symbol for and:

A B C D E F G H I .. ( ) ... K L M N O P Q R S T .. ( ) ... V .. ( ) ... X Y Z & ⁊ Ƿ Þ Ð Æ



English alphabet - Wikipedia


Well.. that 'man' who is upon that crucifix who is supposed to represent Christ is wrongly portraying Him.. How? By having him, the one on that crucifix, as having 'long' hair for a 'man' to have.

1 Corinthians 11:14 "Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?"

So while we currently do not even notice nature's teachings to not even holding onto our own natural human kindly affections; one towards another, we are learning to overlook nature's teachings; even towards and of natural affections, even towards natural definitions and natural histories. And so we are becoming what The Holy Bible speaks of.. those with debased and reprobate minds... all the while walking 'higher' and more 'in esteem', by self and by others, than ought.


Some call this arrogance or a show of empty conceit...


So basically, world, you are fighting/you are struggling NOT against or with fallen 'holy' angels but rather.. you are fighting/you are struggling with.....

other human beings who have learned the magic spoken of in The Qur'an.. to separate a man from his wife with a detestable, vile magic that Harut and Marut, during the time of King Solomon, received by and through their attested claim that serving The True God was nothing more than a 'test' with no real viable, tangible 'blessing' to be received in this currently living life... All for the next life - kind of idea..


1 Kings 12:12-19


"So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had appointed, saying, Come to me again the third day. 13And the king answered the people roughly, and forsook the old men's counsel that they gave him; 14And spake to them after the counsel of the young men, saying, My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke: my father also chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions. 15Wherefore the king hearkened not unto the people; for the cause was from the LORD, that he might perform his saying, which the LORD spake by Ahijah the Shilonite unto Jeroboam the son of Nebat.


16So when all Israel saw that the king hearkened not unto them, the people answered the king, saying, What portion have we in David? neither have we inheritance in the son of Jesse: to your tents, O Israel: now see to thine own house, David. So Israel departed unto their tents.

17But as for the children of Israel which dwelt in the cities of Judah, Rehoboam reigned over them. 18Then king Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was over the tribute; and all Israel stoned him with stones, that he died. Therefore king Rehoboam made speed to get him up to his chariot, to flee to Jerusalem. 19So Israel rebelled against the house of David unto this day."


Yes, even up to this day the Northern Kingdom of (I)srael has been in rebellion to the house of Yehuda, or (J)udah, to this very current day...

 

[deorro 1]

The wisdom of Solomon was widely known of and widely accepted as valid...

One day a case was brought before another 'skilled' person.. To this skilled person a question was asked..


A certain mother claimed to have her newborn babe stolen from her and the one who stole the babe now claims that the babe had always been hers. And this case was brought before the skilled person.

Both women, the child and the woman's case was brought before the person.

The person heard their story; both claiming the newborn babe to have been theirs from their giving legitimate 'body' birth to it and both claiming to have life be as though it ended if the child was not with the proper, legitimate mother.

The skilled one listened and this was before the time of DNA examination. So the skilled one says to the the woman holding the child. Feed the babe.

The woman takes out her paps to feed the babe but to her surprise, because she had not been the woman pregnant, did not lactate nor was in the times to produce bodily milk for the young.

By this 'trial and error' of which woman had the milk produced within, the woman who truly was pregnant and gave birth was the one in whom bodily milk was found...



Have you never heard the insult, 'go and drink another child's milk', before?


'it's like taking candy from a baby', is what the response could have been.