DrLove
Diamond Member
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz ReportāIn a new controversy ensnaring the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, forty per cent of the nationās toilet-paper supply has been found in Senator Richard Burrās garage.
The discovery of the coveted paper products occurred on Saturday morning, when Burr, who had been checking stock quotes on his phone, accidentally leaned against his garage-door opener.
The garage immediately disgorged the priceless cache of toilet paper, which tumbled into the street and snarled traffic for three blocks.
Picking through the mess, a sharp-eyed neighbor of Burrās found a Costco receipt indicating that the senator had purchased the toilet paper in early January, shortly after he received classified information about the potential scope of the covid-19 pandemic.
In an official statement, Burr angrily denied that there was āanything inappropriateā about the mountain of toilet paper he was hiding in his garage.
āMy wife buys all of the toilet paper in our house and has done so since we wed, in 1984,ā he said. āI have never been a part of those decisions, and any attempt to imply otherwise is a malicious hit job.ā
Burr said that, in order to dispel any suspicions about his actions, he was offering to donate the toilet paper to U.S. citizens for only thirty dollars a roll.
The discovery of the coveted paper products occurred on Saturday morning, when Burr, who had been checking stock quotes on his phone, accidentally leaned against his garage-door opener.
The garage immediately disgorged the priceless cache of toilet paper, which tumbled into the street and snarled traffic for three blocks.
Picking through the mess, a sharp-eyed neighbor of Burrās found a Costco receipt indicating that the senator had purchased the toilet paper in early January, shortly after he received classified information about the potential scope of the covid-19 pandemic.
In an official statement, Burr angrily denied that there was āanything inappropriateā about the mountain of toilet paper he was hiding in his garage.
āMy wife buys all of the toilet paper in our house and has done so since we wed, in 1984,ā he said. āI have never been a part of those decisions, and any attempt to imply otherwise is a malicious hit job.ā
Burr said that, in order to dispel any suspicions about his actions, he was offering to donate the toilet paper to U.S. citizens for only thirty dollars a roll.
Forty Per Cent of Nationās Toilet Paper Found in Richard Burrās Garage
