Women have standards, but claim men shouldn't have any

[ChrisL]

Most arranged marriages occurred in instances of nobility only anyways. Most people were poor and did not have much of a dowry to offer. Women were nothing but property of men back then. Well, guess what? Women are people with their own individual thoughts, desires, and goals, just like men. We are just as human as you are.

 

[ChrisL]

Of course, I would definitely want to see what the person looked like before I started up anything though (on the online venue - which I don't really like to do anyways - most of the people in my experience are pretty strange).

I mean, sexual attraction IS important. You could be talking with someone that you actually do find hideous. So, yeah, looks do matter to an extent I suppose.

Oh times have changed...My Sicilian grandmother had an arranged marriage. My grandfather's father arranged the marriage. He knew my grandmother's father and corresponded with him from the USA to Sicily. My grandfather rode the boat back to Sicily, meet my grandmother's father and arranged it. My grandfather and grandmother had never seen each, but were engaged. My grandmother said after first seeing my grandfather, that he was an old man (he was prematurely grey but lots of hair...thanks granddad, I still do too).

They were married almost 50 years, until my grandfather's death.

Times have definitely changed. There is no way I would allow someone else to pick a spouse for me, and there is no way I would marry someone without knowing them WELL first. It is a lifelong commitment and I wouldn't want to be unhappy when I have choices.

Agreed. However back in those days, many thought young people were incapable of picking the right person for their spouse. Their elders were more capable, supposedly. It worked well for some, but no doubt it failed for others.

That may be so but we don't own other people. People will make their mistakes in life and learn from them. In fact, when we make a mistake is when we learn the MOST in most cases. I don't know if I would ever want for someone else to have planned out MY life for me. I am willing to suffer the consequences of my mistakes in order to have my freedom.

 

[gipper]

Most arranged marriages occurred in instances of nobility only anyways. Most people were poor and did not have much of a dowry to offer. Women were nothing but property of men back then. Well, guess what? Women are people with their own individual thoughts, desires, and goals, just like men. We are just as human as you are.

I don't believe that. My grandparents loved it other and were devoted to each. Surely they had problems in their marriage, all do.

My grandmother accepted the arrangement and my grandfather never mistreated her. At any rate, she was a so head strong my grandfather took orders from her.

 

[ChrisL]

Most arranged marriages occurred in instances of nobility only anyways. Most people were poor and did not have much of a dowry to offer. Women were nothing but property of men back then. Well, guess what? Women are people with their own individual thoughts, desires, and goals, just like men. We are just as human as you are.

I don't believe that. My grandparents loved it other and were devoted to each. Surely they had problems in their marriage, all do.

My grandmother accepted the arrangement and my grandfather never mistreated her. At any rate, she was a so head strong my grandfather took orders from her.

I doubt if arranged marriages were popular in your grandparents' time. I am talking about the old days when such things were commonplace for nobility or for religious reasons.

 

[ChrisL]

Anyways, just because an arranged marriage would work for some, I don't think it would work for very many. Especially if you have any sense of independent spirit whatsoever. Some might get lucky and get a good match or whatever. Some might be willing to put up with a less than ideal situation for the sake of the marriage. Those should all be individual choices that someone else did not make for you though.

 

[DGS49]

My wife came from southern Italy, and although it was not universal, when a woman started to get "too old" her parents would usually make an arrangement with the family of a man who was "eligible," and a marriage was arranged. I witnessed three of these over the years, and none ended in divorce. And they certainly were not Rich people.

 

[ChrisL]

Some women don't want to be married off at a young age. They want to go to school and learn new things and explore the world before they settle down with someone and make their own mark on the world.

 

[Marion Morrison]

That’s not Bon Jovi. Disarm your cat.

You sure about that?

Lol! There is a definite similarity there, but let's face it, Jon Bon Jovi is much cuter than that psychopath, probably has a much cuter butt and a better personality. Also, more money.

Idk about that (except the $$) but I think he does have wider cheekbones and squarer jaw.

Jon Bon Jovi has a nice muscular butt!

I dated a woman years ago who had a child. I really liked the child, but the woman turned out to be a mess. So, ending the relationship had nothing to do with the child. I missed her....not so much her mom.

That happened with me a long time ago, too!

 

[ChrisL]

I don't have a clue as to why anyone would want to be married to someone who was forced to marry them anyways?

 

[ChrisL]

Never ever would I want to marry someone who felt as if they HAD to marry me. That is pathetic, IMO. That would not make me feel good as a person.

 

[ChrisL]

There is nothing wrong I suppose with parents trying to set up their adult child with a person that they think would be compatible with them. As long as they didn't force the issue if their child doesn't get along with or doesn't really care for the person though. If they get along and like each other and WANT to be married, then I don't see it as an issue at all.

 

[Marion Morrison]

Idk, in my family..back in the day..going back to like 16-1700s..people were usually married between 15-17. Nobody was older when married until the 20th century. And then, not by much.

 

[ChrisL]

I guess if you were young, maybe, but your parents would have to really know you and have your best interests at heart.

If you grew up in a culture where you really didn't know any better, you probably wouldn't care.

Not true. Did you know that a lot of fairy tales were based on forced marriages? A lot of the "ogres" who kidnapped princesses and them escaping from them? Women were not ever happy in forced marriages, especially if they knew and loved someone else.

Tales of Faerie: Fairy tales and Arranged Marriages

I'm not saying you can't find happiness.
I'm just saying that its very very RARE and not realistic to hope to find someone that you can act like a complete slacker and asshole around and they will love you anyway.

If you love/value a person or relationship, you most likely will clean up your act a bit

Who said anything about that?

 

[ChrisL]

I guess if you were young, maybe, but your parents would have to really know you and have your best interests at heart.

If you grew up in a culture where you really didn't know any better, you probably wouldn't care.

Not true. Did you know that a lot of fairy tales were based on forced marriages? A lot of the "ogres" who kidnapped princesses and them escaping from them? Women were not ever happy in forced marriages, especially if they knew and loved someone else.

Tales of Faerie: Fairy tales and Arranged Marriages

I'm not saying you can't find happiness.
I'm just saying that its very very RARE and not realistic to hope to find someone that you can act like a complete slacker and asshole around and they will love you anyway.

If you love/value a person or relationship, you most likely will clean up your act a bit

This is kind of a strange post. We were talking about arranged marriages, and you go and say you were talking about someone acting like an asshole and slacker? Well, if you were forced into a marriage with such a person, you wouldn't have much CHOICE in the matter, now would you? Lol!

 

[gipper]

Idk, in my family..back in the day..going back to like 16-1700s..people were usually married between 15-17. Nobody was older when married until the 20th century. And then, not by much.

That is a good point. Their life expectancy was short. So, it was felt you needed to be married early in life and most teenagers have no clue on who makes a good spouse.

 

[ChrisL]

Idk, in my family..back in the day..going back to like 16-1700s..people were usually married between 15-17. Nobody was older when married until the 20th century. And then, not by much.

That is a good point. Their life expectancy was short. So, it was felt you needed to be married early in life and most teenagers have no clue on who makes a good spouse.

Well, in today's world, most teenagers should be thinking about their education and their future livelihood and not about getting married.

 

[ChrisL]

Things have changed a LOT even in the last 50 years with technology, etc. In most households, it takes TWO working in order to afford to raise a family, own a home, a car and all the luxuries you would want. The 1800s is not coming back.

 

[Marion Morrison]

Things have changed a LOT even in the last 50 years with technology, etc. In most households, it takes TWO working in order to afford to raise a family, own a home, a car and all the luxuries you would want. The 1800s is not coming back.

I for one, would like to see it get back to the single provider/own own home/have RV and/or boat and 2-week vacation days.

MAGA!

 

[ChrisL]

Things have changed a LOT even in the last 50 years with technology, etc. In most households, it takes TWO working in order to afford to raise a family, own a home, a car and all the luxuries you would want. The 1800s is not coming back.

I for one, would like to see it get back to the single provider/own own home/have RV and/or boat and 2-week vacation days.

MAGA!

Yeah well back then there was such a thing as job security. That is rare to find nowadays. My grandfather worked at a factory his entire life (where he was paid well, had health insurance, a retirement plan, etc), and he owned his own modest home, had a family of 5, owned an RV and a car, was able to put one of them (his daughter - my aunt) through college (the two boys, my father and uncle went to trade schools), and he retired and was able to live out his life in relative comfort financially. Very hard to even find a job like that now. Those types of jobs have moved out of the United States (manufacturing/factories).

 

[Marion Morrison]

Things have changed a LOT even in the last 50 years with technology, etc. In most households, it takes TWO working in order to afford to raise a family, own a home, a car and all the luxuries you would want. The 1800s is not coming back.

I for one, would like to see it get back to the single provider/own own home/have RV and/or boat and 2-week vacation days.

MAGA!

Yeah well back then there was such a thing as job security. That is rare to find nowadays. My grandfather worked at a factory his entire life (where he was paid well, had health insurance, a retirement plan, etc), and he owned his own modest home, had a family of 5, owned an RV and a car, was able to put one of them (his daughter - my aunt) through college (the two boys, my father and uncle went to trade schools), and he retired and was able to live out his life in relative comfort financially. Very hard to even find a job like that now. Those types of jobs have moved out of the United States (manufacturing/factories).

Bring them back!