Totally Tasteless Jokes, One Liners, Quips, and Other Assorted Sundries

[BorisTheAnimal]

OK, you heard about the Burger King being married to the Dairy Queen. They had two kids, Prince Ronald and Princess Wendy. They all lived in a White Castle and had a dog named Sonic and cat named checkers. Their military adviser was Col. Sanders.

Now, how did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant? Simple. He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

 

[Moonglow]

That joke is so 1970's

 

[BorisTheAnimal]

Still funny

 

[Moonglow]

Still funny

Yeah it just as old as my grandma's corns and just as funny..

 

[The Sage of Main Street]

Heard as the fake trial was winding down, and I mean down:
"What's the difference between OJ and Christopher Reeves?"
" OJ's gonna walk."

 

[BorisTheAnimal]

What do you call an epileptic midget pizza maker?



Little Siezures

 

[Votto]

I talked to a to a homeless man
this morning and asked him how he
ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last month, I still had it all. I had
plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a
roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the
gym, the pool, and the library.

I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt.

I even had full medical coverage. Not only that, I had as much sex as I wanted with as many partners as I wanted.

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs?
Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said.

"No, no.... I was paroled."

 

[deanrd]

Grandma Addams asks Wednesday and Pugsley if they think having a baby means one of the older children has to die.

Both say yes.

Grandma says, "Oh children, that's just not true. Not anymore".

 

[Votto]

Abortion jokes



Why did the fetus cross the road?

Because the abortion clinic moved the dumpster.




Knock, knock.

Who's there?

You will never know.



A fetus wakes up one morning only to realize he's in the process of being aborted. The fetus looks at the doctor and asks, "What the hell are you doing?" The doctor turns to the patient and says, "Don't worry, not all of them are this stupid."



A fetus walks into a bar and orders a scotch.
The bartender says, "how are you going to pay for that?"
"Hold on. it's coming. " A minute later the fetus's kidney arrives with his wallet.

 

[Billo_Really]

What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

 

[Bonzi]

 

[monkrules]

A midget walked into a bar and kissed every guy in the joint...

 

[monkrules]

Confucious say:

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.


—Redd Foxx