The Truth About Cybersex

[Bootneck]

Cybersex in the real world

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetie. What do you look like?

Sweetie: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Primark. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner –
it smells a little funny.

Sweetie: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetie: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetie: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetie: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetie: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and I accidently rip a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetie: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetie: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetie: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back and undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetie: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetie: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with snot.

Sweetie: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetie: I'm wiping your snot off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetie: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetie: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling on your ... umm ... wait a minute.

Sweetie: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetie: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetie: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetie: In the cupboard to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetie: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetie: I'm on the bed, aching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cupboard. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom.

Sweetie: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetie: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetie: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately – our naked bodies pressing against each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetie: Why don't you take off you glasses?


Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetie: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetie: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom. It's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetie: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetie: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetie: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my ... you know ... thing ... in your ... you know ... woman's thing.

Sweetie: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetie: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide it in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetie: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetie: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my dick is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetie: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet, nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetie: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetie: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo

 

[random3434]

LOL!

Quit burning the curtains Bootneck!

 

[Bootneck]

LOL!

Quit burning the curtains Bootneck!

It was your fault! Youknocked my glasses off!!

 

[random3434]

LOL!

Quit burning the curtains Bootneck!

It was your fault! Youknocked my glasses off!!

Well, next time just keep your damn shoes ON!

 

[Bootneck]

LOL!

Quit burning the curtains Bootneck!

It was your fault! Youknocked my glasses off!!

Well, next time just keep your damn shoes ON!

I had to take them off. I couldn't pull my trousers over 'em.

 

[Phoenix]

You have given out too much Reputation in the last 24 hours, try again later.

Bummer.

I'll get you some later, Bootneck.

 

[Bootneck]

Two complete strangers who embarked upon an erotic text-messaging relationship have agreed to part after the spark went out of their affair. ‘In the early days we were texting each other three or four times a day, sometimes keeping each other up all night,’ said 07689 732190. ‘But I suppose it inevitably happens in all relationships, and it wasn’t long before ‘I WNT 2 MK LUV 2 U ALL NITE’ became ‘DO I HV 2? MAN U 2-0 UP’.

‘In the beginning he’d spend hours whipping me up into a frenzy with his talk of ‘SLO LUVIN’ and all the ways he was going to give me an ‘O’,’ reminisced 07983 427935. ‘But after a while I was lucky to get two quick texts before a ‘TA LUV. FART. SNORE’. And by the time we’d reached the stage of ‘GV ME 1 WLD U? TANKS R FULL’, I knew it was over.’

 

[jillian]

Its jst so sd. ;(

 

[Bootneck]

Its jst so sd. ;(

Hey! Jillian. You're not 07983 427935, are you?

 

[xotoxi]

Cybersex in the real world

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetie. What do you look like?

Sweetie: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Primark. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner –
it smells a little funny.

Sweetie: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

That is BY FAR the fucking FUNNIEST post in this ENTIRE thread!

AWESOME!

 

[Modbert]

For the Win:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts
DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

 

[Big Black Dog]

I tried that cybersex stuff once without a lot of luck. I screwed up and sent my "love messages" to everybody in my address book. My Preacher wanted to know if I needed some special prayer time. My wife's best friend said I was just dreaming. My daughter wanted to know if some of the things I mentioned doing were even physically possible. Some friends asked if I was still taking my medications... It was a bad science project. That's why I stick to phone sex.

 

[Modbert]

I tried that cybersex stuff once without a lot of luck. I screwed up and sent my "love messages" to everybody in my address book. My Preacher wanted to know if I needed some special prayer time. My wife's best friend said I was just dreaming. My daughter wanted to know if some of the things I mentioned doing were even physically possible. Some friends asked if I was still taking my medications... It was a bad science project. That's why I stick to phone sex.

Wouldn't cyber sex be less expensive in the long run though?

 

[jillian]

its jst so sd. ;(

hey! Jillian. You're not 07983 427935, are you?

867-5309

 

[Modbert]

867-5309

Jenny, don't change your number!

 

[Colin]

I wonder what the most used keys on the keyboard would be in a cyber sex session? Perhaps; 'insert', 'pause' and 'ctrl'.

 

[JW Frogen]

Page up and Insert.

 

[DamnYankee]

Cybersex in the real world

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetie. What do you look like?

Sweetie: I am wearing a red silk blouse and a miniskirt and high heels. My measurements are 36-24-36. I work out every day. I'm toned and perfect. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Primark. I am also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner –
it smells a little funny.

Sweetie: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetie: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetie: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetie: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetie: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and I accidently rip a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetie: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetie: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetie: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back and undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetie: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetie: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with snot.

Sweetie: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetie: I'm wiping your snot off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetie: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetie: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out, nibbling on your ... umm ... wait a minute.

Sweetie: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetie: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetie: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetie: In the cupboard to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetie: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetie: I'm on the bed, aching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cupboard. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom.

Sweetie: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetie: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetie: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately – our naked bodies pressing against each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetie: Why don't you take off you glasses?


Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetie: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetie: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom. It's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetie: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetie: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetie: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my ... you know ... thing ... in your ... you know ... woman's thing.

Sweetie: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetie: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide it in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetie: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetie: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my dick is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetie: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet, nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetie: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetie: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo

Obviously, her cranial antenna has a design flaw....

 

[random3434]

I wonder what the most used keys on the keyboard would be in a cyber sex session? Perhaps; 'insert', 'pause' and 'ctrl'.

What about all the pop ups?

 

[random3434]

Page up and Insert.

With you I would hit the esc button!