JimBowie1958
Old Fogey
- Sep 25, 2011
- 63,590
- 16,756
- 2,220
Like everything that is personal, this list will vary with each individual. I have been a successful listener to a whole bunch of people over the years, and I have had a whole lot of people tell me what they most regretted about their lives. I have also had a lot of time with seniors and got a lot of advice from them on my life. Finally, as I hit 59 I think that I have earned a few regrets myself.
Some say that you should never allow yourself to have regrets, but regrets are a healing part of life, like the sensation of pain, and they help you to recognize a harm done and allows you to rectify the situation and pass on your experience. Perhaps your children will not make the same mistakes if you share these life experiences with them, or maybe just handle them better.
So here are the top ten regrets I have heard from people over the years, with a few of them being my own dish of crow.
10) Staying in a rut; If your heart is telling you to add some excitement regarding some facet of your life, you should really give it some thought. Life is too short to pass up on exciting experiences because you have to go to work in the morning. Take that vacation. Go see that beautiful park. Take the kids to a ball game and watch their excitement. Live while you can.
9) Educational opportunity squandered; So many people have told me that they regret not doing well in school, or they passed on a scholarship to take a full time job. The best time to advance your education is while you are young, true, but you are never too old to learn new things. And the things you learn, if you are honest, reflective and looking for the deeper connections can be among the most pleasant things you think on for the rest of your life. New perspectives and ways of seeing old problems also give your new and perhaps better ways of approaching your problems.
8) Forgetting old friends or relatives; We keep thinking that you will have time to call them up and see how they were doing later, but then one day you find out they have passed on, and suddenly you no longer have the time to share with them and you miss them badly. Make that call to your Dad, write to your Mom, look up that old friend from college; you will probably be happy you did.
7) Thinking you cannot be wrong; The biggest mistakes of my life came when I was 100% certain I was right....then I wasnt. Lost money, lost friends, lost opportunity, so many things can be lost when we think we "know" we are right. Have a little humility and keep in mind that you might be wrong and this idiot you are arguing with might have a case. Back in 2007 everyone I discussed the real estate bubble with knew that the system was iron clad and nothing could go wrong. Wow, what a difference a couple of years made.
6) Unable to face unpleasant realities; Yeah that friend, adviser, doctor might not be looking out for your best interests so much. Dont trust them just because; if you have misgivings there are probably reasons for it. Make the changes you need to to feel comfortable with the various different activities of your life.
5) Neglecting to take care of our health; No, you will not continue to be as healthy as you are now unless you start taking your health seriously. After 40, ones warranty expires and the wheels start coming off, so do your due maintenance on YOU.
4) Bad choices regarding our Children; Most people have this dramatic change in their lives when they have kids, and they stop living for themselves and live for the children instead. The reason why is that their greatest pleasures and joy will come from their children and they know this as soon as the kids are born. There is never a perfect time to have kids, so just do it and see you life change for the better if you are a good conscientious parent....usually.
3) Not saving for retirement; Two thirds of Americans have saved nothing for retirement and most of those who have saved wish they had saved more. It is never to early to start saving and the money that has the greatest impact on our savings are the earliest dollars we put into savings. So start saving for retirement as soon as you possibly can. Put it away, pretend it is not there and live on the remainder of your income the best that you can. You will not regret the savings when you hit 60.
2) Neglecting to develop a reflective, spiritual side of life; Having a spiritual, reflective side to our lives helps us to keep the problems in life in perspective and to roll with the punches. It also helps us to find more joy and peace in places one would not have otherwise looked. While I have heard so many people say to me 'I wish I had kept going to church more' or for reading the Bible more, I have NEVER been told by anyone in real life that they regretted spending time in such activities. People can sense the loss of a reflective life and its benefits as well and correct that problem, but the years lost in the meantime cannot be recovered.
1) Ending Marriage that was salvageable; No, that good looking young woman who has all the great lines, the good conversation and a dynamite body is not the real person that gets up every morning, goes to work and drudges through their lives. You dont get to see that person when they are trying to have a good time. Dont throw away a relationship with someone who has been one of your best friends in life in pursuit of a mirage. Dont leave the mother of your children, the person you have shared all your life with more than any other for a false promise of rejuvenated youth. Just ask yourself; When I am so old I am wearing diapers, who will change them? And stick to that person. That day may very well come or days much like it.
Just wanted to share this for some time now, and there it is. Your mileage may vary.
Some say that you should never allow yourself to have regrets, but regrets are a healing part of life, like the sensation of pain, and they help you to recognize a harm done and allows you to rectify the situation and pass on your experience. Perhaps your children will not make the same mistakes if you share these life experiences with them, or maybe just handle them better.
So here are the top ten regrets I have heard from people over the years, with a few of them being my own dish of crow.
10) Staying in a rut; If your heart is telling you to add some excitement regarding some facet of your life, you should really give it some thought. Life is too short to pass up on exciting experiences because you have to go to work in the morning. Take that vacation. Go see that beautiful park. Take the kids to a ball game and watch their excitement. Live while you can.
9) Educational opportunity squandered; So many people have told me that they regret not doing well in school, or they passed on a scholarship to take a full time job. The best time to advance your education is while you are young, true, but you are never too old to learn new things. And the things you learn, if you are honest, reflective and looking for the deeper connections can be among the most pleasant things you think on for the rest of your life. New perspectives and ways of seeing old problems also give your new and perhaps better ways of approaching your problems.
8) Forgetting old friends or relatives; We keep thinking that you will have time to call them up and see how they were doing later, but then one day you find out they have passed on, and suddenly you no longer have the time to share with them and you miss them badly. Make that call to your Dad, write to your Mom, look up that old friend from college; you will probably be happy you did.
7) Thinking you cannot be wrong; The biggest mistakes of my life came when I was 100% certain I was right....then I wasnt. Lost money, lost friends, lost opportunity, so many things can be lost when we think we "know" we are right. Have a little humility and keep in mind that you might be wrong and this idiot you are arguing with might have a case. Back in 2007 everyone I discussed the real estate bubble with knew that the system was iron clad and nothing could go wrong. Wow, what a difference a couple of years made.
6) Unable to face unpleasant realities; Yeah that friend, adviser, doctor might not be looking out for your best interests so much. Dont trust them just because; if you have misgivings there are probably reasons for it. Make the changes you need to to feel comfortable with the various different activities of your life.
5) Neglecting to take care of our health; No, you will not continue to be as healthy as you are now unless you start taking your health seriously. After 40, ones warranty expires and the wheels start coming off, so do your due maintenance on YOU.
4) Bad choices regarding our Children; Most people have this dramatic change in their lives when they have kids, and they stop living for themselves and live for the children instead. The reason why is that their greatest pleasures and joy will come from their children and they know this as soon as the kids are born. There is never a perfect time to have kids, so just do it and see you life change for the better if you are a good conscientious parent....usually.
3) Not saving for retirement; Two thirds of Americans have saved nothing for retirement and most of those who have saved wish they had saved more. It is never to early to start saving and the money that has the greatest impact on our savings are the earliest dollars we put into savings. So start saving for retirement as soon as you possibly can. Put it away, pretend it is not there and live on the remainder of your income the best that you can. You will not regret the savings when you hit 60.
2) Neglecting to develop a reflective, spiritual side of life; Having a spiritual, reflective side to our lives helps us to keep the problems in life in perspective and to roll with the punches. It also helps us to find more joy and peace in places one would not have otherwise looked. While I have heard so many people say to me 'I wish I had kept going to church more' or for reading the Bible more, I have NEVER been told by anyone in real life that they regretted spending time in such activities. People can sense the loss of a reflective life and its benefits as well and correct that problem, but the years lost in the meantime cannot be recovered.
1) Ending Marriage that was salvageable; No, that good looking young woman who has all the great lines, the good conversation and a dynamite body is not the real person that gets up every morning, goes to work and drudges through their lives. You dont get to see that person when they are trying to have a good time. Dont throw away a relationship with someone who has been one of your best friends in life in pursuit of a mirage. Dont leave the mother of your children, the person you have shared all your life with more than any other for a false promise of rejuvenated youth. Just ask yourself; When I am so old I am wearing diapers, who will change them? And stick to that person. That day may very well come or days much like it.
Just wanted to share this for some time now, and there it is. Your mileage may vary.
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