Super Secert Phone transcript with Bush and Kerry

Discussion in 'Humor' started by MtnBiker, Mar 17, 2004.

  1. MtnBiker
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    MtnBiker Senior Member

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    TRANSCRIPT OF PRESIDENT BUSH'S PHONE CALL OFFERING SUPER TUESDAY CONGRATULATIONS TO PRESUMPTIVE DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE SENATOR LURCH DUKAKIS
    Official White House Transcript

    [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

    SENATOR KERRY: This is Senator Kerry speaking...

    OPERATOR: This is the White House switchboard. We have a collect call from the President of the United States. Will you accept the charges?

    SENATOR KERRY: Yes...

    OPERATOR: Hold, please.

    [Muzak version of Foreigner's "I Wanna Know What Love Is"]

    THE PRESIDENT: Hello?

    SENATOR KERRY: Mr. President?

    THE PRESIDENT: Hello?

    SENATOR KERRY: To what do I owe the honor of your call, sir?

    THE PRESIDENT: Who's this? What do you want?

    SENATOR KERRY: You're calling me, sir. It's John Kerry...

    THE PRESIDENT: Is this the one that snitched out his buddies for rubbing out all those gook girlies and babies while I was kicking it in 'Bama?

    SENATOR KERRY: No sir, that's Bob Kerry. This is JOHN Kerry, sir. From S&B at Yale, remember? 322?

    THE PRESIDENT: Oh! Lurch! Lurch Dukakis!

    SENATOR KERRY: That's right, sir.

    [Sound of 16 oz. Buckler Being Shotgunned.]

    THE PRESIDENT: Now I remember. Well Lurch, me and Karl were sitting here watching the primary returns, and he thought it would be a good idea to call you up and congratulate you on... you know... whatever.

    SENATOR KERRY: Thank you very much, sir.

    THE PRESIDENT: I mean, it's good politics really. Me calling you up, congratulating you on winning the top loser spot for the Dummycraps. Makes me come off as a good guy, you know? A real upstanding sport. Especially once I leak it to Reverend Moon.

    SENATOR KERRY: Well, I hope we will both serve our country the best we can, and that we have a great debate about the issues.

    THE PRESIDENT: Sure we will – just before I dice your bony *** into dainty little patties of Yankee giraffe meat.

    SENATOR KERRY: I beg to differ with you, Mr. President. It will be a tough race, but this is about a bold new vision for our proud –

    THE PRESIDENT: Knock, knock

    SENATOR KERRY: A bold new vision for –

    THE PRESIDENT: KNOCK KNOCK

    SENATOR KERRY: [Clearing of Patrician Throat Phlegm.] Who is there?

    THE PRESIDENT: The Democratic Presidential Nominee

    SENATOR KERRY: The Democratic Presidential Nominee who?

    THE PRESIDENT: The Democratic Presidential Nominee needs to decide whether he's a war hero or an anti-war legend, for trade or against it, a liberal or a moderate, a Regular Joe or a gold-digging boner of hippy-dippy foreigner ketchup widows before I paint him as a soft-on-terror Christ-killer and mop the floor with that purty mop of Faggachusetts bluegrass he's got sprouting from that big ugly horsey head of his.

    SENATOR KERRY: Good evening, Mr. President. I will see you on the campaign trail.

    THE PRESIDENT: Or in your case, the trail of tears, Governor Kennedy.

    [Long, Juicy Fart. Texas Guffaws.]

    SENATOR KERRY: [Click.]

    [END TRANSCRIPT]
     
  2. lilcountriegal
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    lilcountriegal Senior Member

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    :rotflmao:

    :laugh:

    That's the best I've seen yet!! :laugh:
     
  3. _dmp_
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    _dmp_ Member

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    PRICELESS :)
     
  4. Johnney
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    Johnney Senior Member

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    no thats too funny!! actually had me lol
     
  5. jon_forward
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    jon_forward Active Member

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    :laugh: :laugh: my sides hurt!!!
     
  6. wonderwench
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    wonderwench Guest

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    :rotflmao:
     
  7. MtnBiker
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    MtnBiker Senior Member

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    Bump

    An oldy but a goody. :D
     
  8. Merlin1047
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    Merlin1047 Senior Member

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    I'm going to steal that!
     

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