Self-Esteem in Young People

[Delta4Embassy]

Have heard here and there young girls have bad self-esteem due to the models and celebs dominating their culture where appearence is over-valued. That because parents' praise doesn't hold as much value as peers' praise young people will overvalue peer praise and often obsess over it desiring it like a drug.

Being a guy, I didn't go through adolescence caring too terribly much about my appearence like the girls probably did. But thinking about the problems facing young people today where it seems appearence and celeb worship have really gone around the bend, it seems that a friendly compliment here and there is the thing to do. But is it?

Would we comment on a co-workers' physical appearence, or refrain for fear of sexual harassment claims? And if that's the case, why would mention a kids' physical appearence? Sinng outside on the nice days we're beginning to have again I can hear people really well far off talking in normal voices. And I hear adults offering friendly compliments to various teens. Nothing that pops a red flag to my ear, but the very act of the compliment has gotten me thinking.

Is 'rewarding' a teen already plagued with self-esteem issues with adult attention and praise the right thing to do? I can see the desire to boost a kids' self-esteem by saying something nice about their appearence, but is that more self-defeating that beneficial? Doesn't it just make the kid more self-conscious about their appearence? Shouldn't they at least be able to avoid the fashion show when at home?

And should how we look even be something that earns praise in the first place? Aren't we only contributing to the greater self-esteem problems by positively rewarding people who look good? If you praise someone for looking nice, do they then think anything less than that is ugly? If you dont' then praise them every time you see them, do they interpret the lack of praise as 'you don't look as nice today as the last time I saw you?' Isn't it better then to simply not comment on a person's appearence at all? Or is an innocuous compliment here and there better overall?

Think about this as well, do you compliment guys on their appearence like you do girls. If not, why not? If it 'feels weird' to compliment another guy on his appearence, why doesn't it feel weird complimenting a girl too?

 

[Sonny Clark]

Have heard here and there young girls have bad self-esteem due to the models and celebs dominating their culture where appearence is over-valued. That because parents' praise doesn't hold as much value as peers' praise young people will overvalue peer praise and often obsess over it desiring it like a drug.

Being a guy, I didn't go through adolescence caring too terribly much about my appearence like the girls probably did. But thinking about the problems facing young people today where it seems appearence and celeb worship have really gone around the bend, it seems that a friendly compliment here and there is the thing to do. But is it?

Would we comment on a co-workers' physical appearence, or refrain for fear of sexual harassment claims? And if that's the case, why would mention a kids' physical appearence? Sinng outside on the nice days we're beginning to have again I can hear people really well far off talking in normal voices. And I hear adults offering friendly compliments to various teens. Nothing that pops a red flag to my ear, but the very act of the compliment has gotten me thinking.

Is 'rewarding' a teen already plagued with self-esteem issues with adult attention and praise the right thing to do? I can see the desire to boost a kids' self-esteem by saying something nice about their appearence, but is that more self-defeating that beneficial? Doesn't it just make the kid more self-conscious about their appearence? Shouldn't they at least be able to avoid the fashion show when at home?

And should how we look even be something that earns praise in the first place? Aren't we only contributing to the greater self-esteem problems by positively rewarding people who look good? If you praise someone for looking nice, do they then think anything less than that is ugly? If you dont' then praise them every time you see them, do they interpret the lack of praise as 'you don't look as nice today as the last time I saw you?' Isn't it better then to simply not comment on a person's appearence at all? Or is an innocuous compliment here and there better overall?

Think about this as well, do you compliment guys on their appearence like you do girls. If not, why not? If it 'feels weird' to compliment another guy on his appearence, why doesn't it feel weird complimenting a girl too?

Thank you for posting this piece, much appreciated. Finally you've posted a very interesting and important subject matter. This is not your norm, but a pleasant surprise from the usual that you choose to post.

First, I'd like to say that self-esteem is as important as any emotion or self-critiquing feeling that we have, bar none. How we feel about ourselves is basically who we are. Self-esteem, if positive and healthy, pushes success, how we interact with others, how we promote ourselves, and how we look at others. People want to feel good about themselves, and a few nice compliments go a long way. Everyone wants to be liked, well thought of, and appreciated. While one's appearance greatly affects self-esteem, it's by no means the defining factor responsible for how we see ourselves. The main thing for people to understand is that everyone can't look the same, be as tall, be as skinny, be as handsome or pretty, and no two people share the same brain. I've heard and read that some women are more impressed with a man's intelligence that they are will his looks.

It's true that we don't compliment people enough, give praise when praise is due, nor acknowledge a warm smile and friendly attitude. We don't always think of how it makes us feel to get a nice compliment, so we forget to give nice compliments. I talk to people all the time that may be feeling a little down on themselves, and having a bad day. I always try to lift them with compliments and positive words of encouragement. With young people, teens and young adults, nice compliments go a very long way in helping them deal with self-esteem issues. In the developmental stages of life, it's important to constantly build on positives in order to repel negative feelings and thoughts of low self worth. Yes, our peers, especially during teen years, can and do greatly influence how we see ourselves. Cruel and uncalled for criticism, often times leave scars that last well into adulthood. It takes years to mentally overcome psychological damage from harsh criticism and constant bombardment with cruel comments and remarks.

As you alluded to, yes, young girls are very conscious about their appearance. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is very true, but becomes damaging if expressed in a negative and cruel manner. For example, "you may not be the prettiest girl in the world, but I love you anyway" can be taken to mean a girl is ugly, unattractive, or flawed in some way. We should be as careful when choosing our words as we are about our actions. Regardless of what some might say, words can and do hurt. It serves no purpose to tear someone down and feed low self-esteem issues that they may be experiencing. Instead, we should always build up those that have issues about their appearance or intelligence, and push them towards feeling good about themselves.

As a side note, several studies, for which I don't have a reference to at the moment, has determines that low self-esteem leads to crime, addiction, abuse, and other social ills common in society today. When someone feels inadequate and has many doubts about themselves, they usually turn to any means to bring attention to themselves. And, often times, it's the kind of attention that make headlines. People going postal have self-esteem issues, as do many others that we read about. Self-esteem can be a positive energy that propels one to achieve anything they desire, or it can be a negative influence that tears one down on many levels. We should make an effort to encourage and compliment others at each and every opportunity, and by doing so, make this a better world for all of us.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Have heard here and there young girls have bad self-esteem due to the models and celebs dominating their culture where appearence is over-valued. That because parents' praise doesn't hold as much value as peers' praise young people will overvalue peer praise and often obsess over it desiring it like a drug.

Being a guy, I didn't go through adolescence caring too terribly much about my appearence like the girls probably did. But thinking about the problems facing young people today where it seems appearence and celeb worship have really gone around the bend, it seems that a friendly compliment here and there is the thing to do. But is it?

Would we comment on a co-workers' physical appearence, or refrain for fear of sexual harassment claims? And if that's the case, why would mention a kids' physical appearence? Sinng outside on the nice days we're beginning to have again I can hear people really well far off talking in normal voices. And I hear adults offering friendly compliments to various teens. Nothing that pops a red flag to my ear, but the very act of the compliment has gotten me thinking.

Is 'rewarding' a teen already plagued with self-esteem issues with adult attention and praise the right thing to do? I can see the desire to boost a kids' self-esteem by saying something nice about their appearence, but is that more self-defeating that beneficial? Doesn't it just make the kid more self-conscious about their appearence? Shouldn't they at least be able to avoid the fashion show when at home?

And should how we look even be something that earns praise in the first place? Aren't we only contributing to the greater self-esteem problems by positively rewarding people who look good? If you praise someone for looking nice, do they then think anything less than that is ugly? If you dont' then praise them every time you see them, do they interpret the lack of praise as 'you don't look as nice today as the last time I saw you?' Isn't it better then to simply not comment on a person's appearence at all? Or is an innocuous compliment here and there better overall?

Think about this as well, do you compliment guys on their appearence like you do girls. If not, why not? If it 'feels weird' to compliment another guy on his appearence, why doesn't it feel weird complimenting a girl too?

Thank you for posting this piece, much appreciated. Finally you've posted a very interesting and important subject matter. This is not your norm, but a pleasant surprise from the usual that you choose to post.

First, I'd like to say that self-esteem is as important as any emotion or self-critiquing feeling that we have, bar none. How we feel about ourselves is basically who we are. Self-esteem, if positive and healthy, pushes success, how we interact with others, how we promote ourselves, and how we look at others. People want to feel good about themselves, and a few nice compliments go a long way. Everyone wants to be liked, well thought of, and appreciated. While one's appearance greatly affects self-esteem, it's by no means the defining factor responsible for how we see ourselves. The main thing for people to understand is that everyone can't look the same, be as tall, be as skinny, be as handsome or pretty, and no two people share the same brain. I've heard and read that some women are more impressed with a man's intelligence that they are will his looks.

It's true that we don't compliment people enough, give praise when praise is due, nor acknowledge a warm smile and friendly attitude. We don't always think of how it makes us feel to get a nice compliment, so we forget to give nice compliments. I talk to people all the time that may be feeling a little down on themselves, and having a bad day. I always try to lift them with compliments and positive words of encouragement. With young people, teens and young adults, nice compliments go a very long way in helping them deal with self-esteem issues. In the developmental stages of life, it's important to constantly build on positives in order to repel negative feelings and thoughts of low self worth. Yes, our peers, especially during teen years, can and do greatly influence how we see ourselves. Cruel and uncalled for criticism, often times leave scars that last well into adulthood. It takes years to mentally overcome psychological damage from harsh criticism and constant bombardment with cruel comments and remarks.

As you alluded to, yes, young girls are very conscious about their appearance. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is very true, but becomes damaging if expressed in a negative and cruel manner. For example, "you may not be the prettiest girl in the world, but I love you anyway" can be taken to mean a girl is ugly, unattractive, or flawed in some way. We should be as careful when choosing our words as we are about our actions. Regardless of what some might say, words can and do hurt. It serves no purpose to tear someone down and feed low self-esteem issues that they may be experiencing. Instead, we should always build up those that have issues about their appearance or intelligence, and push them towards feeling good about themselves.

As a side note, several studies, for which I don't have a reference to at the moment, has determines that low self-esteem leads to crime, addiction, abuse, and other social ills common in society today. When someone feels inadequate and has many doubts about themselves, they usually turn to any means to bring attention to themselves. And, often times, it's the kind of attention that make headlines. People going postal have self-esteem issues, as do many others that we read about. Self-esteem can be a positive energy that propels one to achieve anything they desire, or it can be a negative influence that tears one down on many levels. We should make an effort to encourage and compliment others at each and every opportunity, and by doing so, make this a better world for all of us.

That's the thing though. Using chess as a metaphor, thinking more than 1 move ahead as with giving someone a compliment, does future encounters and no compliments do more harm than the original compliment did good? Does the compliment itself cause some harm beyond the first move in that it places undue value on how we look? If we can't all look like models is complimenting people on superficiality something we outta be doing in the first place? Doesn't that just feed into their self-esteem issues?

Conventional wisdom says a kind word goes a long way making people feel good, but can't we do that in acknowledging something other than a person's appearence? Recent example here was visiting a neighbor one of the kids was visiting his and had made the frist touchdown of the season and his first td ever running 43 yards to score. I said something like that's awesome, that's the sort of thing you'll remember your entire life (remembering my own goals playing roller hockey and volleyball.) But it never occured to me to mention the guy's appaearence or "Bet you looked really good running down the field" It was the achievement that earned praise and acknowledgement, not how he mighta looked. So shouldn't we give praise based on performance or effort instead of something transient and superficial as with how we look on a given day?

People who'd give a compliment obviously want the person to feel good. But thinking several moves ahead I worry that it does more harm than it prevents. Valueing the wrong thing.

 

[Sonny Clark]

Have heard here and there young girls have bad self-esteem due to the models and celebs dominating their culture where appearence is over-valued. That because parents' praise doesn't hold as much value as peers' praise young people will overvalue peer praise and often obsess over it desiring it like a drug.

Being a guy, I didn't go through adolescence caring too terribly much about my appearence like the girls probably did. But thinking about the problems facing young people today where it seems appearence and celeb worship have really gone around the bend, it seems that a friendly compliment here and there is the thing to do. But is it?

Would we comment on a co-workers' physical appearence, or refrain for fear of sexual harassment claims? And if that's the case, why would mention a kids' physical appearence? Sinng outside on the nice days we're beginning to have again I can hear people really well far off talking in normal voices. And I hear adults offering friendly compliments to various teens. Nothing that pops a red flag to my ear, but the very act of the compliment has gotten me thinking.

Is 'rewarding' a teen already plagued with self-esteem issues with adult attention and praise the right thing to do? I can see the desire to boost a kids' self-esteem by saying something nice about their appearence, but is that more self-defeating that beneficial? Doesn't it just make the kid more self-conscious about their appearence? Shouldn't they at least be able to avoid the fashion show when at home?

And should how we look even be something that earns praise in the first place? Aren't we only contributing to the greater self-esteem problems by positively rewarding people who look good? If you praise someone for looking nice, do they then think anything less than that is ugly? If you dont' then praise them every time you see them, do they interpret the lack of praise as 'you don't look as nice today as the last time I saw you?' Isn't it better then to simply not comment on a person's appearence at all? Or is an innocuous compliment here and there better overall?

Think about this as well, do you compliment guys on their appearence like you do girls. If not, why not? If it 'feels weird' to compliment another guy on his appearence, why doesn't it feel weird complimenting a girl too?

Thank you for posting this piece, much appreciated. Finally you've posted a very interesting and important subject matter. This is not your norm, but a pleasant surprise from the usual that you choose to post.

First, I'd like to say that self-esteem is as important as any emotion or self-critiquing feeling that we have, bar none. How we feel about ourselves is basically who we are. Self-esteem, if positive and healthy, pushes success, how we interact with others, how we promote ourselves, and how we look at others. People want to feel good about themselves, and a few nice compliments go a long way. Everyone wants to be liked, well thought of, and appreciated. While one's appearance greatly affects self-esteem, it's by no means the defining factor responsible for how we see ourselves. The main thing for people to understand is that everyone can't look the same, be as tall, be as skinny, be as handsome or pretty, and no two people share the same brain. I've heard and read that some women are more impressed with a man's intelligence that they are will his looks.

It's true that we don't compliment people enough, give praise when praise is due, nor acknowledge a warm smile and friendly attitude. We don't always think of how it makes us feel to get a nice compliment, so we forget to give nice compliments. I talk to people all the time that may be feeling a little down on themselves, and having a bad day. I always try to lift them with compliments and positive words of encouragement. With young people, teens and young adults, nice compliments go a very long way in helping them deal with self-esteem issues. In the developmental stages of life, it's important to constantly build on positives in order to repel negative feelings and thoughts of low self worth. Yes, our peers, especially during teen years, can and do greatly influence how we see ourselves. Cruel and uncalled for criticism, often times leave scars that last well into adulthood. It takes years to mentally overcome psychological damage from harsh criticism and constant bombardment with cruel comments and remarks.

As you alluded to, yes, young girls are very conscious about their appearance. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is very true, but becomes damaging if expressed in a negative and cruel manner. For example, "you may not be the prettiest girl in the world, but I love you anyway" can be taken to mean a girl is ugly, unattractive, or flawed in some way. We should be as careful when choosing our words as we are about our actions. Regardless of what some might say, words can and do hurt. It serves no purpose to tear someone down and feed low self-esteem issues that they may be experiencing. Instead, we should always build up those that have issues about their appearance or intelligence, and push them towards feeling good about themselves.

As a side note, several studies, for which I don't have a reference to at the moment, has determines that low self-esteem leads to crime, addiction, abuse, and other social ills common in society today. When someone feels inadequate and has many doubts about themselves, they usually turn to any means to bring attention to themselves. And, often times, it's the kind of attention that make headlines. People going postal have self-esteem issues, as do many others that we read about. Self-esteem can be a positive energy that propels one to achieve anything they desire, or it can be a negative influence that tears one down on many levels. We should make an effort to encourage and compliment others at each and every opportunity, and by doing so, make this a better world for all of us.

That's the thing though. Using chess as a metaphor, thinking more than 1 move ahead as with giving someone a compliment, does future encounters and no compliments do more harm than the original compliment did good? Does the compliment itself cause some harm beyond the first move in that it places undue value on how we look? If we can't all look like models is complimenting people on superficiality something we outta be doing in the first place? Doesn't that just feed into their self-esteem issues?

Conventional wisdom says a kind word goes a long way making people feel good, but can't we do that in acknowledging something other than a person's appearence? Recent example here was visiting a neighbor one of the kids was visiting his and had made the frist touchdown of the season and his first td ever running 43 yards to score. I said something like that's awesome, that's the sort of thing you'll remember your entire life (remembering my own goals playing roller hockey and volleyball.) But it never occured to me to mention the guy's appaearence or "Bet you looked really good running down the field" It was the achievement that earned praise and acknowledgement, not how he mighta looked. So shouldn't we give praise based on performance or effort instead of something transient and superficial as with how we look on a given day?

People who'd give a compliment obviously want the person to feel good. But thinking several moves ahead I worry that it does more harm than it prevents. Valueing the wrong thing.

It's all a matter of common sense and courtesy, nothing more. It doesn't always have to be about appearance. It never hurts to be kind in word and in deed. It never hurts to give a nice compliment, regardless of what it is that you're complimenting. Again, use common sense.

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Common sense is a one move ahead thing. My thing is we probably shouldn't be complimenting people on their appearence at all. Wanna make people feel good about themselves ask them about their day at school or work, then find something to give them a bit of praise for other than how they look.

Or at least, that's what I worry about. Entirely possible I'm overthinking it.

 

[Sonny Clark]

Common sense is a one move ahead thing. My thing is we probably shouldn't be complimenting people on their appearence at all. Wanna make people feel good about themselves ask them about their day at school or work, then find something to give them a bit of praise for other than how they look.

Or at least, that's what I worry about. Entirely possible I'm overthinking it.

People love it when someone compliments them on their appearance. A nice compliment never hurts anyone.

 

[pillars]

The problem with self esteem...

The Trouble With Self-Esteem - NYTimes.com

''There is absolutely no evidence that low self-esteem is particularly harmful,'' Emler says. ''It's not at all a cause of poor academic performance; people with low self-esteem seem to do just as well in life as people with high self-esteem. In fact, they may do better, because they often try harder.'' Baumeister takes Emler's findings a bit further, claiming not only that low self-esteem is in most cases a socially benign if not beneficent condition but also that its opposite, high self-regard, can maim and even kill. Baumeister conducted a study that found that some people with favorable views of themselves were more likely to administer loud blasts of ear-piercing noise to a subject than those more tepid, timid folks who held back the horn. An earlier experiment found that men with high self-esteem were more willing to put down victims to whom they had administered electric shocks than were their low-level counterparts.

Last year alone there were three withering studies of self-esteem released in the United States, all of which had the same central message: people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to those around them than people with low self-esteem and feeling bad about yourself is not the cause of our country's biggest, most expensive social problems.

This is not new research. Self esteem is a dated concept.

 

[DGS49]

Baloney.

The "self-esteem movement" grew out of teachers' and parents' frustration with GIRLS who made disastrous choices about what they did and who they associated with, based on a low opinion of their own self-worth. This low opinion was often based on a parenting and teaching paradigm that focused on criticism of faults without corresponding acknowledgement of value and accomplishments.

Not surprisingly, the prescription for a cure was almost worse than the disease they were treating. EVERYTHING was praised to the hilt, regardless of its merits.

"Janey, you got a C!!!!! You are TERRIFIC!" Everybody gets a trophy.

Today, we have students with the highest self-esteem in the Western World, coupled with real achievement that is, shall we say, marginal.

Most kids go through periods during life when they are neurotically uncertain of their own self-worth and/or lovability. They will probably grow out of it. Trying to implement a global solution for EVERYONE in order to address a possible problem in a couple kids is stupid and counterproductive.

 

[Moonglow]

A matter of self esteem can be so marginal it can be a borderline of death or success....

 

[Moonglow]

Guilt and shame are part of everyone's life, yet toxic shame and toxic guilt can ruin lives, good guilt and good shame can help save lives..Children will ostracize a given position of a person with cruelty and glee, shows you how their parents act...