Saturday Night Seduction

[goldcatt]

You strike up the conversation and then the man has to ask ? Are we talking about a one night stand here or a marriage proposal ?

*sigh* We're talking about something in between. Companionship, dating, whatever you might want to call it - that will almost definitely get you some and for more than one night. And it's not just him who has to ask. That's my whole point. It's both parties' responsibility. Not just his, not just hers. But one can pretty effectively shut the other out by seeming disinterested whether that's the actual case or not - and that's when you have issues.

Well hell---if one shuts the other out it lights out-- end of story. You don't have to have issues for that to happen----maybe it just isnt what you wanted.

Yep. The whole point is, it can seem that way from the outside when it isn't necessarily what's intended. What was it Lumpy said earlier, feeling taken for granted is a love killer? That pretty much sums it up.

Which brings us back to the original point. Yep, you have to work for it. You just shouldn't be the only one working.

 

[Sherry]

There are safety issues involved in just going home from a bar with a stranger too. It's pointless to try to deny that. Is it likely that this particular guy is going to be a psycho? Probably not. But you never know what you're getting yourself into, and a woman really is physically vulnerable. Getting to know him a little first is as much about safety as emotions. Which is why people tend to look for referrals through trusted third parties for these kinds of things if all they want is an anonymous, casual one nighter. Or turn to a FWB situation, but that has its own potential pitfalls. Neither is something I'm interested in where I am right now, but there are those who are. Whatever works for them.

I agree and I have never been interested in casual one nighters either...not even when I was young and dumb. Too risky in many different ways.

I'm kind of going at this whole seduction senario as being between two people who are already somewhat aquainted with each other. Not really as a situation were a person is trying to pick up a stranger at a club or anything like that.

Gotcha----well with the somewhat aquainted scenario most of the damn ice is already broken-----then it's down to eyelash batting and some inneundo---you figure that out really quick LOL. It's a go or a no go.

Women just need to channel their inner Mae West.

 

[dilloduck]

I agree and I have never been interested in casual one nighters either...not even when I was young and dumb. Too risky in many different ways.

I'm kind of going at this whole seduction senario as being between two people who are already somewhat aquainted with each other. Not really as a situation were a person is trying to pick up a stranger at a club or anything like that.

Gotcha----well with the somewhat aquainted scenario most of the damn ice is already broken-----then it's down to eyelash batting and some inneundo---you figure that out really quick LOL. It's a go or a no go.

Women just need to channel their inner Mae West.

ok---now THAT one I understand !

 

[Shadow]

Okay,so I was reading this article about women asking men out. Apparently some men don't like it, because they don't like women who seem "agressive" "masculine" or "desperate". They would rather the woman "flirt"...and "get the man to ask them out" using their feminine wiles.

So, now I'm confused...and want some men's opinion's on this. Anyone??

Should Women Ask Men Out on First Dates? | Evan Marc Katz Blog - Dating Coach

 

[Madeline]

It would be a relief if we could be more direct Shadow...but I can't recall that ever working.

 

[Shadow]

It would be a relief if we could be more direct Shadow...but I can't recall that ever working.

Well, another man I know also told me..."let the man come to you next time". But Dillo seems to think women who ask men out would be a refreshing change. So, I wanted to know which men prefer. This could come in handy in the future.

 

[Ringel05]

It would be a relief if we could be more direct Shadow...but I can't recall that ever working.

Well, another man I know also told me..."let the man come to you next time". But Dillo seems to think women who ask men out would be a refreshing change. So, I wanted to know which men prefer. This could come in handy in the future.

Many men feel "threatened" by what they perceive to be strong women. I've never been able to figure that one out myself though I do have my theories.
I never had a problem with being wooed by a woman, except of course when I wasn't interested and she persisted.
I also have missed out on fun because the woman was too cryptic and I found out later see wanted to get to know me better, so to speak.

 

[Madeline]

Here's my theory on this, for what it's worth. Social/sexual communication is multi-layered. There's what we say, how we say it and all the non-verbal cuing that goes on. This is fairly deeply embedded in the culture at large.

There just is not a context in which a lady can say to a man she likes: Let me take you to dinner so we can get to know one another better. Ever single effort at saying anything of the sort gets garbled in translation and the man apparently hears something like "I'm a total slut with AIDS and wanna fuck you dead", or whatever.

So we are reduced to meaningful glances, and the frustrating thing is, some men seem just unable to pick up on those signals. Cuz trust me, if dropping a glove or fan still worked, we'd be fine with it.

Apparently young people have developed some nifty calling card-with-net addy thingy -- mebbe something that new stands a chance of clearer communication.

 

[Shadow]

It would be a relief if we could be more direct Shadow...but I can't recall that ever working.

Well, another man I know also told me..."let the man come to you next time". But Dillo seems to think women who ask men out would be a refreshing change. So, I wanted to know which men prefer. This could come in handy in the future.

Many men feel "threatened" by what they perceive to be strong women. I've never been able to figure that one out myself though I do have my theories.
I never had a problem with being wooed by a woman, except of course when I wasn't interested and she persisted.
I also have missed out on fun because the woman was too cryptic and I found out later see wanted to get to know me better, so to speak.

So, why do men feel threatened do you think? Also,what if the woman just isn't good at getting her message across via flirting or hinting? Should they ask the man out? Would men feel less threatened by a lunch or lets get coffee invitation, rather than dinner and a movie?

 

[Shadow]

Here's my theory on this, for what it's worth. Social/sexual communication is multi-layered. There's what we say, how we say it and all the non-verbal cuing that goes on. This is fairly deeply embedded in the culture at large.

There just is not a context in which a lady can say to a man she likes: Let me take you to dinner so we can get to know one another better. Ever single effort at saying anything of the sort gets garbled in translation and the man apparently hears something like "I'm a total slut with AIDS and wanna fuck you dead", or whatever.

So we are reduced to meaningful glances, and the frustrating thing is, some men seem just unable to pick up on those signals. Cuz trust me, if dropping a glove or fan still worked, we'd be fine with it.

Apparently young people have developed some nifty calling card-with-net addy thingy -- mebbe something that new stands a chance of clearer communication.

Could it be that men always want the women they can't have, and like a challenge (so to speak). And maybe women who ask them out instead...aren't very challenging...which makes the chase boring?

 

[goldcatt]

Oh Maddy. We are so NOT reduced to meaningful glances, not anymore. Although I admit the fan thing would be useful.

I don't know that asking the typical Man and his typical Ego to something as typically "datelike" as Dinner is a great idea, but how about suggesting you meet up and do something more noncommittal? Coffee or drinks, or the equivalent. Balance the directness with something lighter and less direct and for goodness' sake don't forget to use your maidenly passive voice! Unless he's a total caveman, you've got a good shot.

 

[Shadow]

Oh Maddy. We are so NOT reduced to meaningful glances, not anymore. Although I admit the fan thing would be useful.

I don't know that asking the typical Man and his typical Ego to something as typically "datelike" as Dinner is a great idea, but how about suggesting you meet up and do something more noncommittal? Coffee or drinks, or the equivalent. Balance the directness with something lighter and less direct and for goodness' sake don't forget to use your maidenly passive voice! Unless he's a total caveman, you've got a good shot.

To be perfectly honest...I think I am going to get turned down flat. But, I will take the risk... if the men think it is a good idea that is.

 

[Ringel05]

Well, another man I know also told me..."let the man come to you next time". But Dillo seems to think women who ask men out would be a refreshing change. So, I wanted to know which men prefer. This could come in handy in the future.

Many men feel "threatened" by what they perceive to be strong women. I've never been able to figure that one out myself though I do have my theories.
I never had a problem with being wooed by a woman, except of course when I wasn't interested and she persisted.
I also have missed out on fun because the woman was too cryptic and I found out later see wanted to get to know me better, so to speak.

So, why do men feel threatened do you think? Also,what if the woman just isn't good at getting her message across via flirting or hinting? Should they ask the man out? Would men feel less threatened by a lunch or lets get coffee invitation, rather than dinner and a movie?

Flirting is one thing, when it's obvious. Men seem to have a block when it comes to hinting that is not almost direct, especially in this PC day and age.
Threatened? Traditional roles, upbringing, emotional maturity (or lack thereof)? One of those, all the above? You choose.
One of the weird things is when a guy goes gaga over a girl his logic centers go on the fritz making it impossible for him to process subtle hints or flirting, especially if the object of his affection is playing coy.

 

[Shadow]

Many men feel "threatened" by what they perceive to be strong women. I've never been able to figure that one out myself though I do have my theories.
I never had a problem with being wooed by a woman, except of course when I wasn't interested and she persisted.
I also have missed out on fun because the woman was too cryptic and I found out later see wanted to get to know me better, so to speak.

So, why do men feel threatened do you think? Also,what if the woman just isn't good at getting her message across via flirting or hinting? Should they ask the man out? Would men feel less threatened by a lunch or lets get coffee invitation, rather than dinner and a movie?

Flirting is one thing, when it's obvious. Men seem to have a block when it comes to hinting that is not almost direct, especially in this PC day and age.
Threatened? Traditional roles, upbringing, emotional maturity (or lack thereof)? One of those, all the above? You choose.
One of the weird things is when a guy goes gaga over a girl his logic centers go on the fritz making it impossible for him to process subtle hints or flirting, especially if the object of his affection is playing coy.

So, how does a woman make it "obvious" (via flirting) without being aggressive or threatening and putting the man off though... and without directlycoming out and asking him for a date?

 

[Sherry]

Oh Maddy. We are so NOT reduced to meaningful glances, not anymore. Although I admit the fan thing would be useful.

I don't know that asking the typical Man and his typical Ego to something as typically "datelike" as Dinner is a great idea, but how about suggesting you meet up and do something more noncommittal? Coffee or drinks, or the equivalent. Balance the directness with something lighter and less direct and for goodness' sake don't forget to use your maidenly passive voice! Unless he's a total caveman, you've got a good shot.

To be perfectly honest...I think I am going to get turned down flat. But, I will take the risk... if the men think it is a good idea that is.

Well, a lack of self-confidence is likely to shine through, and that might be why you'd get turned down. Just recognize that while there are some generalities about men/women/people, we are individuals, and what works for some doesn't work for others. You won't get a consensus on here or anywhere. So do what makes you feel comfortable.

 

[Madeline]

Wouldn't it be nice if we could just send flowers with a note that said something like "I find you delightful"? But alas, I have yet to find any such opening gambit that has the desired effect.

Shadow, whoever your love interest is, I think he's a fortunate man. Best wishes.

 

[Shadow]

Oh Maddy. We are so NOT reduced to meaningful glances, not anymore. Although I admit the fan thing would be useful.

I don't know that asking the typical Man and his typical Ego to something as typically "datelike" as Dinner is a great idea, but how about suggesting you meet up and do something more noncommittal? Coffee or drinks, or the equivalent. Balance the directness with something lighter and less direct and for goodness' sake don't forget to use your maidenly passive voice! Unless he's a total caveman, you've got a good shot.

To be perfectly honest...I think I am going to get turned down flat. But, I will take the risk... if the men think it is a good idea that is.

Well, a lack of self-confidence is likely to shine through, and that might be why you'd get turned down. Just recognize that while there are some generalities about men/women/people, we are individuals, and what works for some doesn't work for others. You won't get a consensus on here or anywhere. So do what makes you feel comfortable.

I think I am going to get turned down because he is just not interested. I still want opinions though...where are all the men when you need them? LOL

 

[Ringel05]

So, why do men feel threatened do you think? Also,what if the woman just isn't good at getting her message across via flirting or hinting? Should they ask the man out? Would men feel less threatened by a lunch or lets get coffee invitation, rather than dinner and a movie?

Flirting is one thing, when it's obvious. Men seem to have a block when it comes to hinting that is not almost direct, especially in this PC day and age.
Threatened? Traditional roles, upbringing, emotional maturity (or lack thereof)? One of those, all the above? You choose.
One of the weird things is when a guy goes gaga over a girl his logic centers go on the fritz making it impossible for him to process subtle hints or flirting, especially if the object of his affection is playing coy.

So, how does a woman make it "obvious" (via flirting) without being aggressive or threatening and putting the man off though... and without directlycoming out and asking him for a date?

Sorry, can't help you on that one. It all depends not just on the guy but also what phase in life they're at and or what external forces are at play in their life at the moment or a combination of all the above. Sometimes ya just have to dive in other times do the toe test approach. You're the one who has to figure that one out.

 

[Sherry]

To be perfectly honest...I think I am going to get turned down flat. But, I will take the risk... if the men think it is a good idea that is.

Well, a lack of self-confidence is likely to shine through, and that might be why you'd get turned down. Just recognize that while there are some generalities about men/women/people, we are individuals, and what works for some doesn't work for others. You won't get a consensus on here or anywhere. So do what makes you feel comfortable.

I think I am going to get turned down because he is just not interested. I still want opinions though...where are all the men when you need them? LOL

Oh, so we're talking about a specific man. Spill, sistah.

 

[Madeline]

There's no cure for lack of mutual attraction (or availability, or interest...etc.) Pay attention to what it is you like about this man, and seek it actively in other men.