Relationship Roles

[dilloduck]

Still doesn't change the fact that women are better at nurturing - you're just pointing out how women have forsaken their most important calling in life; other than poll-dancing.

If you're good at something but dont do it, it doesn't get done. If a man discovers that his wife cannot or will not nuture , it's up to him to step up to the plate and do the best he can. Hopefully this happens BEFORE the woman goes bananas and kills them all in some gruesome fashion.
Bottom line---in these days, nuturing is a two person job that cannot be just delegated to one parent or the other.

 

[dmp]

If you're good at something but dont do it, it doesn't get done. If a man discovers that his wife cannot or will not nuture , it's up to him to step up to the plate and do the best he can. Hopefully this happens BEFORE the woman goes bananas and kills them all in some gruesome fashion.
Bottom line---in these days, nuturing is a two person job that cannot be just delegated to one parent or the other.

I'd say a Husband needs to convince his wife she needs to stop playing 'man' and do the right thing.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

If you're good at something but dont do it, it doesn't get done. If a man discovers that his wife cannot or will not nuture , it's up to him to step up to the plate and do the best he can. Hopefully this happens BEFORE the woman goes bananas and kills them all in some gruesome fashion.
Bottom line---in these days, nuturing is a two person job that cannot be just delegated to one parent or the other.

I would tend to agree with you, generally.

 

[dilloduck]

I would tend to agree with you, generally.

Well the evidence is pretty apparent when you look at what happens to kids raised by only one parent. Asumming that the OTHER parent is only there to bring home the bacon and not participate in nuturing is pretty short sighted. If a father is only seen by others as a big money tit, it's not surprising that they don't take fatherhood seriously enough.

 

[Hobbit]

I think pretty much any of these is acceptable on a temporary basis, but I believe in traditional gender roles. God made us this way for a reason. That being said...

I think the dad should have a hand in raising the kids, even if it's not an equal share. Women are biologically designed around children, and I'll concede the job to my better half, just so long as I get to help.

The woman working is fine by me, and sometimes necessary, but only if it doesn't mean that the kid is raised institutionally.

If the man is the sole breadwinner, the woman should do the housework, but that doesn't mean the man gets to be lazy when at home. Men still need to do the manly jobs like mowing and trash duty. If the woman works, too, they need to split it up. She's tired, too.

If the guy is "between jobs," he needs to make finding another job his job. Whatever time he has left after attempting to find a job needs to go to housework. You're not making money, so make yourself useful. If you're truly between jobs and just haven't started your new one yet, make yourself useful full time. Yeah, dusting is boring and not very manly, but it needs to be done. If you just can't bring yourself to do that, do something manly, like clean out the attic, paint the back porch, or change the oil on the cars.

That's vaguely how I see it. In my family, my mom is a teacher while my dad is an accountant, so she did most of the housework. She put my sister and I in day care half-days, but she took the time to make sure the day care was a good one, and she did take a year off for each of us right after giving birth.

 

[007]

You didn't list this option...

Man works, woman works, don't have kids, share bills and have nice life.

 

[Hobbit]

You didn't list this option...

Man works, woman works, don't have kids, share bills and have nice life.

Bah, my mom hates kids, too, and I'm still here...with a sister. Plus, who's going to take care of you when you pass about, oh, 90 or so, and who's going to come to your house on Thanksgiving?

 

[Nienna]

Women working full time while kids are young has done more to dissolve marriages and hurt kids than anything I can think of.

The nuclear family of the 50s had it right...more or less.

I'm not against Mary working - in fact, when the kids are in school full time she'll likely pick up something to bring in money. Until then, there's NO financial reward worth having a daycare raise our kids.

Darin, I can't rep you, but IMO, you are a solid man.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

You didn't list this option...

Man works, woman works, don't have kids, share bills and have nice life.

Sorry.

 

[dmp]

Darin, I can't rep you, but IMO, you are a solid man.

You haven't seen my gut.




Warms my heart in the most sincere way to read that from somebody I admire so much. Thanks a ton.



:hug:

 

[Bonnie]

I think these roles should be discussed and agreed to prior to marriage and which ever both parties can agree to and fulfill is the best for that couple.

That's the best way!! Only adding that couples should always make a little time for romance as well

 

[dilloduck]

That's the best way!! Only adding that couples should always make a little time for romance as well

Heck ya--romance keeps it all from becoming just a job.

 

[Nienna]

Before I had kids, I was way more flexible about relationship roles. But then, I had to work during the first 2 years of my marriage, and leaving my little girl every day, even though I left her with my own mom, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. No one, not even my husband, would give my kids the kind of care that I can give them. My husband loves our kids just as much, but he's just not as intuitive about getting to the heart of the problem. Especially now that our oldest is beginning the first twinges of puberty. She cries a lot, and you just have to sit and listen to her. My husband loves our kids a lot, but doing that day-in and day-out would drive him over the edge.

If I didn't have kids, I would definitely want to work. And I probably will work part time when my baby starts school in a couple of years. But, as long as I'm able, I want to be available to make my kids my career. They deserve that.

 

[Said1]

Before I had kids, I was way more flexible about relationship roles. But then, I had to work during the first 2 years of my marriage, and leaving my little girl every day, even though I left her with my own mom, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. No one, not even my husband, would give my kids the kind of care that I can give them. My husband loves our kids just as much, but he's just not as intuitive about getting to the heart of the problem. Especially now that our oldest is beginning the first twinges of puberty. She cries a lot, and you just have to sit and listen to her. My husband loves our kids a lot, but doing that day-in and day-out would drive him over the edge.

If I didn't have kids, I would definitely want to work. And I probably will work part time when my baby starts school in a couple of years. But, as long as I'm able, I want to be available to make my kids my career. They deserve that.

I think a lot of women feel differently about returing to work than might have originally thought before having children. I would never knock a working mother with young childer, ever. It's just that given the chance I think many would take a year or two off to spend with their kids if it was possible. It's hard to have both a career and a family, which most people can probably envison having, it's just WAY harder than it looks. Way harder.

 

[Nienna]

I think a lot of women feel differently about returing to work than might have originally thought before having children. I would never knock a working mother with young childer, ever. It's just that given the chance I think many would take a year or two off to spend with their kids if it was possible. It's hard to have both a career and a family, which most people can probably envison having, it's just WAY harder than it looks. Way harder.

Definitely not knocking working moms... I was one, myself. But most moms I know actually desire to be more with the kids and less with the job.

OK, here's your chance to BOOO me... I think moms have a certain biological tie to the kids. I'm not talking about love. Both I and my husband love our kids. But, while the kids cross my husband's mind from time-to-time while he's working, he doesn't have that urge to be with them, the feeling that this job is getting in the way of my REAL job. Maybe not all moms feel this way. But I do.

 

[dilloduck]

Definitely not knocking working moms... I was one, myself. But most moms I know actually desire to be more with the kids and less with the job.

OK, here's your chance to BOOO me... I think moms have a certain biological tie to the kids. I'm not talking about love. Both I and my husband love our kids. But, while the kids cross my husband's mind from time-to-time while he's working, he doesn't have that urge to be with them, the feeling that this job is getting in the way of my REAL job. Maybe not all moms feel this way. But I do.

Jobs get in the way of what men really have the urge to do too.

 

[Bonnie]

Definitely not knocking working moms... I was one, myself. But most moms I know actually desire to be more with the kids and less with the job.

OK, here's your chance to BOOO me... I think moms have a certain biological tie to the kids. I'm not talking about love. Both I and my husband love our kids. But, while the kids cross my husband's mind from time-to-time while he's working, he doesn't have that urge to be with them, the feeling that this job is getting in the way of my REAL job. Maybe not all moms feel this way. But I do.

I can see that which is why home businesses are a great option as well. Moms can have some financial independance and still be with the kids.

 

[Nienna]

I can see that which is why home businesses are a great option as well. Moms can have some financial independance and still be with the kids.

I guess I just don't see financial independence as a really important goal at this point. If I have to, I can get a job. But if I don't have to, why not devote all my time to my kids?

But I'm not trying to put down women who do work.

 

[GotZoom]

Jobs get in the way of what men really have the urge to do too.

Do you mean....

R1, R2, L1, R2, Left, Down, Right, Up, Left , Down, Down, Down

 

[The ClayTaurus]

Do you mean....

R1, R2, L1, R2, Left, Down, Right, Up, Left , Down, Down, Down

Aruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuken!