Merrick Garland admits to once cheating at Scrabble!

Discussion in 'Political Satire' started by DrLove, Sep 24, 2018.

  1. DrLove
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    DrLove Gold Member

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    :iyfyus.jpg:

    WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that “it’s time to face the consequences of my actions,” Judge Merrick Garland admitted on Thursday that he cheated at Scrabble one time, in 2003.

    Garland, who recently informed the Senate Judiciary Committee that he was “still available” to be confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice, choked back tears as he confessed to the “disgraceful” Scrabble incident.

    “In late 2003, I was playing a game of Scrabble with my wife and Googled a word while she was off using the bathroom,” Garland said. “I deeply regret my behavior, which was reprehensible and inexcusable.”

    Garland revealed that the word he Googled, “muzjiks,” all but sealed his victory in the Scrabble contest.

    “Although this was the only time I have ever cheated at any word game, I believe it disqualifies me to sit on the United States Supreme Court,” he said. “Therefore, I hereby withdraw my name from all future consideration.”

    Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, said that Garland’s confession vindicated Republicans’ decision not to grant him a single meeting when he was Barack Obama’s Supreme Court nominee.

    “This revelation confirms our darkest suspicions about Merrick Garland,” Grassley said. “It looks like we dodged a bullet.”​

    Merrick Garland Admits to Cheating at Scrabble Once
     
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  2. BlackFlag
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    BlackFlag Gold Member

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    Oh geez you poor thing :itsok:
     
  3. BlackFlag
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    BlackFlag Gold Member

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    He’s got to rape a few broads before republicans will start supporting him
     
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  4. CrusaderFrank
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    CrusaderFrank Diamond Member

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    He would have been Hillary's 5th gun grabber; he would have ended the Constitution and the American Experiment along with it

    How can you not believe that there is a Creator watching over the Faithful after having been saved from the Hillary Presidency?
     
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  5. CrusaderFrank
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    CrusaderFrank Diamond Member

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    He never raped anyone you stupid fucktard. You're thinking of Bill Clinton
     
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  6. BlackFlag
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    BlackFlag Gold Member

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    I know Garland never raped anyone. That’s why you don’t like him.
     
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  7. CrusaderFrank
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    CrusaderFrank Diamond Member

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    Garland tried to blow me at Studio 54 back in 1974. He said he was going through an "experimental phase" in his life. I can't remember the exact date
     
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  8. BlackFlag
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    BlackFlag Gold Member

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    You say that about everybody
     
  9. DrLove
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    DrLove Gold Member

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    Frank also not crazy about Garland because he never grabbed a pussy, pinned anyone to a bed or stuck his dick in anyone's face. :D
     
  10. DrLove
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    DrLove Gold Member

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    Frank spends far too much time in gay bath houses :)
     

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