Just for fun

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by RodISHI, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. RodISHI
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    RodISHI Gold Member

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    irosie91

    I was looking for a particular joke for the Russia thread and came across this website.
    Clean Jokes Related to Christianity

    False Illusions
    A man who had died was waiting at heavens gate to enter the kingdom of God. He had lived a perfect life and had a clear idea in his mind what heaven would be like. He had foregone all the earthly pleasures and just knew his rewards were going to be great. He had gone over repeatedly in his mind how much great fun he was going to have in heaven.

    As he was waiting, he saw a cloud pass by. As the cloud got closer, he saw people on the cloud having a great time. They were singing, dancing, and having great fun. They were dining on exquisite food, wearing the best clothes, and drinking the best wines, and laughter and merriment echoed through the sky. Yes, that was what he had expected it would be like.

    His escort arrived at the gate. The escort told the man that he had lived a good life and he was going to now take him to his new home. The man said, "If it is all the same to you, I would like to live on that cloud!" The escort told the man that it was not possible and that what awaited him was far greater anyway. However, the man persisted so the escort asked him to wait while he went to talk to the "Boss". Upon returning, the escort stated the "Boss" had always allowed people to choose but made it clear that he would be much happier in his originally intended home. The man replied, "I have often thought of what heaven would be like and forgone the pleasures on earth to get my reward here, so if it’s all the same to you, I want to live on that cloud." The escort sighed, and then granted his wish.

    In an instant, the man was standing in the hottest, smelliest, and most disgusting place he had ever seen in his whole life. The strange noises were blood curdling and the whole place was chaos. He was in Hell.

    An escort arrived to take him to his job. "Job?" the man replied. "Yes, we work hard down here," said the escort. There must be some mistake; the place I requested was a nice cloud with people singing, dancing, and having the best time of their life!" The escort looked puzzled at first and then started laughing hysterically. The man asked why the escort was laughing so hard. The escort replied, "You new people are so funny- you think you can show up here and get an assignment in the advertising department! You think you can get a promotion like that right away!"
     
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  2. RodISHI
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    RodISHI Gold Member

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    For Muslim jokes: ROFL, muslim jokes

    Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
    A. Bisexual.

    Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?
    A. They mark the camels that kick.

    Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?
    A. Nothing, yet.

    Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?
    A. A pimp.


    Q. whats the difference between a truck full of dead Muslim babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
    A. The bowling bowls are hard to pick up with a pitchfork.

    Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
    A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

    Q. What's the hardest part about a Muslim killing his own daughter?
    A. Suppressing the erection.

    Q: How can you tell if a Muslim girl is old enough to marry?
    A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down until her chin is over the top.

    Q. What's the difference between a Muslim and a vampire?
    A. At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.

    A Muslim walks into his local mosque with a big grin on his face.

    "What are you so happy about, Abdul?" Asks the Imam.

    "Well, I'll tell you," replies Abdul. "I live by the railroad tracks and on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the rails, like in the American movies. I cut her free and took her back to my humble abode. Allah be praised - we made love all night, all around the tent. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position permitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!"

    "By the most Merciful," exclaimed the Imam, "you have been blessed. Was she as beautiful as a desert flower?"

    Abdul grimaced, "By the Jinn, I do not know - I never found her head."



    Q. What's the difference between ET and Muslims?
    A. ET got the point and went home.

    I went to a Muslim birthday party last night. Damn if that wasn't the fastest game of Hot Potato I've ever seen!

    Q. Why are there only 2 pallbearers at a Muslim funeral?
    A. There's only 2 handles on a garbage can.

    Q. What do you say to a Pakistani at Christmas?
    A. A quart of milk, a loaf of bread and a pack of Marlboros please.

    Q. What do you call a bus with 2 Somalis falling off a cliff?
    A. A waste, you could have fit at least 50 in the bus!

    Q. What do you call a Muslim between two houses?
    A. Ali.

    Q. When's the only time you should wink at a Muslim?
    A. When aiming.
     
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  3. irosie91
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    irosie91 Diamond Member

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    I like that one----THE ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT----a personal anecdote. Hubby was brought up in a very traditional jewish household rooted in a third world Islamic
    shithole-------ie-----really uhm OLD FASHIONED, naive--traditional. He asked his father what 'heaven is like' and his father answered with ENTHUSIASM------"really nice---like being in a yeshivah all the time reading the Talmud" --------at that time----hubby---little child at the time-------decided HE DID NOT WANT TO GO THERE
     
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  4. RodISHI
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    RodISHI Gold Member

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    Funny a lot of Christians decided the same after hearing different peoples precepts of what heaven is like.
     
  5. usmbguest5318
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    usmbguest5318 Gold Member

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    Wow! Now if that isn't redundant, what on Earth is? LOL

    I haven't read the rest of the OP yet. I just saw that and thought, WTF? I couldn't help but laugh and remark upon the inanity of that phrase.
     
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  6. RodISHI
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    RodISHI Gold Member

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    Buddhist jokes:

    I hear the Dalai Lama recently fired his gardener, who had a degree in carnations but didn’t dig reincarnations.

    What did the Buddhist say to the pizza chef?
    Make me one with everything. The pizza chef prepares it and gives it to the monk. The monk pays him and asks for the change. The pizza vendor says: “Change comes from within.”

    Why did the Buddhist coroner get fired?
    He kept marking the cause of death as “birth.”

    A Buddhist phones the monastery and asks the monk, “Can you come to do a blessing for my new house?”
    The monk replies “Sorry, I’m busy.”
    “What are you doing? Can I help?”
    “I’m doing nothing.” replied the monk. “Doing nothing is a monk’s core business and you can’t help me with that.”
    So the next day the Buddhist phones again, “Can you please come to my house for a blessing?”
    “Sorry,” said the monk, “I’m busy.”
    “What are you doing?”
    “I’m doing nothing,” replied the monk.
    “But that was what you were doing yesterday!” said the Buddhist.
    “Correct”, replied the monk, “I’m not finished yet!”
    ~ Ajahn Brahm

    Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
    A: He enters Nerdvana.

    Prince Gautama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”

    Says the Master to his pupil: “Do you understand that you don’t really exist?”
    Upon which the pupil replies: “To whom are you telling that?”

    Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners? A: Because they have no attachments. So, I hear reincarnation is making a comeback. Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation? A: You just can't get that screwed up in one lifetime.

    source: Buddhist Jokes - Buddha Jokes
     
  7. usmbguest5318
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    usmbguest5318 Gold Member

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    As a serious aside, I point out that one need not have grown up in or live in an area run by Judaism, Islam or Christianity to find oneself governed by and ascribing to notions expressed ages ago and that no longer have literal and practical value and/or contextual applicability in the world today, and that, furthermore, millions of people yet would by "hook, crook or otherwise" have everyone live by those "old time" strictures.

    I can relate. I wouldn't either. LOL, but sincerely meaning it too.
     
  8. RodISHI
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    RodISHI Gold Member

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    Glad you got a chuckle. A prosperity teacher/preacher who has done very well told about a spiritual experience he had seeing heaven. I like the guy he makes me laugh. He described the time and what he and another pastor was doing waiting in their rooms for the conference to start etc. What he saw and how he was shown his heavenly house, house the interior was design etc. He then went on to tell how now he has that house. No doubt in my mind what he saw was a real and true experience but he has missed something in it all. Maybe he'll figure it out one day.
     
  9. usmbguest5318
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    usmbguest5318 Gold Member

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    Thank you.
     
  10. Vastator
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    Vastator Gold Member

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    What's the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus.



















    You only need one nail to hang the picture of Jesus...
     
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