I do t have issues with the God of the Old Trstament. I actually like him far more than the God of the New Testament. The OT God makes sense. The NT God makes no sense to me.I resolved my issues with the OT God by learning about covenants
My belief is that God CREATED most of the disasters in my life and then say there laughing His ass off as I have struggled with them. Prayer has never been a help for me.My belief in God increased exponentially after a disaster happened in my life. I needed a crutch to help me. I feel praying with Jesus and asking for strength delivered that crutch. The alternative was alcohol
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. I use caffeine minimally and try to avoid as many pharmaceutical products as I can. That last one has become far more difficult in recent years. Instead I use anger as my outlet. I BREAK stuff. NOT PEOPLE, just stuff. That and I simply shut myself away from the world.I drink in moderation but not to make the pain of tragedy go away. Heavy drinking is a form of suicide. I have witnessed people who chose that route and no matter how much they drank, their pain always returned