Is This Odd?

[Zoom-boing]

My cousin Joan died last Friday. She was 57. She and Jimmy were married for nearly 30 years, had one daughter, Sarah, (adopted after failed infertility treatments), and Joan survived breast cancer about 15 years ago. She was dx'd with liver cancer earlier this year, went through treatment but it was a lost cause from the get go. She went into the hospital two weeks ago because her liver was shutting down. Sarah flew in from college Thursday and Joan died Friday night around 9pm. 14 hours later, Jimmy and Sarah went to Jimmy's niece's wedding. Sarah had a wonderful time dancing.

WTF?????

I get that everyone grieves differently and all but . . . . this just has me (and other family members) perplexed. Unless I hated the person who died I can't imagine going to a wedding, or even imagine wanting to go to a wedding, the day after that person died. And having a good time dancing.

 

[chanel]

I couldn't do it. I can imagine a young person like the daughter thinking that it wasn't inappropriate, but the husband? That is definitely odd zoom.

Condolences for the loss of your cousin.

 

[WillowTree]

My cousin Joan died last Friday. She was 57. She and Jimmy were married for nearly 30 years, had one daughter, Sarah, (adopted after failed infertility treatments), and Joan survived breast cancer about 15 years ago. She was dx'd with liver cancer earlier this year, went through treatment but it was a lost cause from the get go. She went into the hospital two weeks ago because her liver was shutting down. Sarah flew in from college Thursday and Joan died Friday night around 9pm. 14 hours later, Jimmy and Sarah went to Jimmy's niece's wedding. Sarah had a wonderful time dancing.

WTF?????

I get that everyone grieves differently and all but . . . . this just has me (and other family members) perplexed. Unless I hated the person who died I can't imagine going to a wedding, or even imagine wanting to go to a wedding, the day after that person died. And having a good time dancing.

Maybe Joan would have wanted it that way. Death, Wedding, Dancing, all a part of living. Rest in peace Joan. Fifty seven is way to young to die. My mom was 57 when she died too, of lung cancer. Sorry for your loss Zoom.

 

[Big Black Dog]

Different strokes for different folks, I suppose. Me, I think I would have stayed home. BTW, regrets for your loss.

 

[California Girl]

I think it depends on a few things. Firstly, I assume they had known and come to terms with her death before she actually died. Also, depending on the kind of person she was, maybe they felt that was the best way to honor her. Perhaps she would have wanted them to go and put the trauma behind them for a few short hours.

Also, it depends on whether they have a faith or not. I kinda think that death is somewhat easier for those of us who follow a faith. We don't see it as the end, just a stage. And, you believe you will meet again.

Also... I guess if she was suffering and in pain, they may view death as a release - doesn't mean they're not grieving, just not in the way you feel is appropriate.

We tend to have 'wakes' for the dead - and it's a celebration of life, not a mourning. I kinda like that. I want people to laugh at my funeral and party hard afterwards.

It's hard to judge how anyone should react to death.

 

[xotoxi]

My cousin Joan died last Friday. She was 57. She and Jimmy were married for nearly 30 years, had one daughter, Sarah, (adopted after failed infertility treatments), and Joan survived breast cancer about 15 years ago. She was dx'd with liver cancer earlier this year, went through treatment but it was a lost cause from the get go. She went into the hospital two weeks ago because her liver was shutting down. Sarah flew in from college Thursday and Joan died Friday night around 9pm. 14 hours later, Jimmy and Sarah went to Jimmy's niece's wedding. Sarah had a wonderful time dancing.

WTF?????

I get that everyone grieves differently and all but . . . . this just has me (and other family members) perplexed. Unless I hated the person who died I can't imagine going to a wedding, or even imagine wanting to go to a wedding, the day after that person died. And having a good time dancing.

Sounds great to me. As Joan had had a slow deterioration from cancer, the family likely had a long time to grieve prior to her death, and had come to grips with her mortality.

Additionally, going to a wedding and spending time with friends is far more healthy than sitting home and festering about a loved-one's death that you have no control over.

And who's to say that she didn't go into the bathroom and cry between dances.

 

[strollingbones]

why should she be in mourning.....cancer is horrible...by the time someone passes the family is normally more than ready for it to be over..and why do christians mourn anyway? cause arent you going to heaven...maybe she was celebrating her mom being in heaven...why the need to mention that she is adopted? does that lesser her as a family member?

i dont think sarah is the one with issues

 

[Zoom-boing]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I did think that maybe they talked about it prior and Joan insisted that they go. They were planning on going earlier last week. Suppose Joan had waited another 15 hours and died while they were at the wedding? I get the wanting to be around other people part and it was his niece's wedding so all of his family would be there. BUT . . . . their daughter having a wonderful time dancing? Who the hell has a wonderful time 14 hours after their mom dies? It makes me sad.

 

[Baruch Menachem]

Your obligations to the living are greater than your obligations to the dead. And really, your obligations to the dead are obligations to the living relations. So she should grieve with her relatives who hurt, but she should help her friend celebrate the wedding as well. And not bring any baggage with her.

 

[hjmick]

I went to work the day after my dad died.

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

My cousin Joan died last Friday. She was 57. She and Jimmy were married for nearly 30 years, had one daughter, Sarah, (adopted after failed infertility treatments), and Joan survived breast cancer about 15 years ago. She was dx'd with liver cancer earlier this year, went through treatment but it was a lost cause from the get go. She went into the hospital two weeks ago because her liver was shutting down. Sarah flew in from college Thursday and Joan died Friday night around 9pm. 14 hours later, Jimmy and Sarah went to Jimmy's niece's wedding. Sarah had a wonderful time dancing.

WTF?????

I get that everyone grieves differently and all but . . . . this just has me (and other family members) perplexed. Unless I hated the person who died I can't imagine going to a wedding, or even imagine wanting to go to a wedding, the day after that person died. And having a good time dancing.

Nah Not really. life goes on and it is best to embrace it and support others who are celebrating tradition and life as well.
Neither the wedding or the death were unexpected or a surprise.

 

[Zoom-boing]

why should she be in mourning.....cancer is horrible...by the time someone passes the family is normally more than ready for it to be over..and why do christians mourn anyway? cause arent you going to heaven...maybe she was celebrating her mom being in heaven...why the need to mention that she is adopted? does that lesser her as a family member?

i dont think sarah is the one with issues

I mentioned she was adopted after failed fertility treatments because I wondered if there was any connection to her breast and liver cancer and all those treatments and perhaps if someone else experienced a similar thing they would chime in an say 'hey, my so-and-so also got cancer after those types of treatments'.

I lost my SIL after a 5 year battle with ovarian cancer. When she died I was glad she was out of pain, and sad as hell that she was out of my life. You can be both at the same time.

Why do Christians mourn if they know the dead are going to heaven? For the same reason non-Christians mourn, because they are sad that someone they love isn't here anymore, they are mourning their loss. That seems pretty obvious, doesn't it?

 

[Zoom-boing]

My cousin Joan died last Friday. She was 57. She and Jimmy were married for nearly 30 years, had one daughter, Sarah, (adopted after failed infertility treatments), and Joan survived breast cancer about 15 years ago. She was dx'd with liver cancer earlier this year, went through treatment but it was a lost cause from the get go. She went into the hospital two weeks ago because her liver was shutting down. Sarah flew in from college Thursday and Joan died Friday night around 9pm. 14 hours later, Jimmy and Sarah went to Jimmy's niece's wedding. Sarah had a wonderful time dancing.

WTF?????

I get that everyone grieves differently and all but . . . . this just has me (and other family members) perplexed. Unless I hated the person who died I can't imagine going to a wedding, or even imagine wanting to go to a wedding, the day after that person died. And having a good time dancing.

Nah Not really. life goes on and it is best to embrace it and support others who are celebrating tradition and life as well.
Neither the wedding or the death were unexpected or a surprise.

16 hours later is too soon for me. . . . obviously not for them.

 

[random3434]

Different strokes, but I know I'd never dance at a wedding 16 hours after my mom died. And yes, it was after a long illness.

But, who knows, maybe they felt the need to just let loose and be with their family, and think good thoughts of their wife/mother................

Only they know their reasons.


Sorry for your loss.

One of my good friends died of breast cancer over the summer. She was 32 and left her husband and 3 year old son.

I miss her everyday.

Cancer sucks.

 

[Jeremy]

E.Z. said it best....

My dad died of Pancreatic cancer 3 months before my wedding.

Cancer is a thief.

 

[Annie]

why should she be in mourning.....cancer is horrible...by the time someone passes the family is normally more than ready for it to be over..and why do christians mourn anyway? cause arent you going to heaven...maybe she was celebrating her mom being in heaven...why the need to mention that she is adopted? does that lesser her as a family member?

i dont think sarah is the one with issues

I mentioned she was adopted after failed fertility treatments because I wondered if there was any connection to her breast and liver cancer and all those treatments and perhaps if someone else experienced a similar thing they would chime in an say 'hey, my so-and-so also got cancer after those types of treatments'.

I lost my SIL after a 5 year battle with ovarian cancer. When she died I was glad she was out of pain, and sad as hell that she was out of my life. You can be both at the same time.

Why do Christians mourn if they know the dead are going to heaven? For the same reason non-Christians mourn, because they are sad that someone they love isn't here anymore, they are mourning their loss. That seems pretty obvious, doesn't it?

I believe we 'believers' mourn for ourselves, not for the passed person. My mom was sick for over 10 years, just a shadow of herself for the last 5 or so. She went to a better place, doesn't mean that I don't miss her, terribly. I miss my dad too, though thankfully he was in pretty good shape, until a few days before he died.

I couldn't have gone to a wedding the day after either of them died, unless it was for my niece or nephew or my one of my own kids. Pretty difficult to call off a wedding on 14 hours notice, right? If it had been any of my folk's grandkid's weddings, we wouldn't have missed them.

Strange happenings with deaths. The day of my dad's funeral, immediately following the luncheon, my nephew went for some tests because of a myriad of symptoms. The next morning my brother had come over around 7 am to help me with the thank you cards, we're sitting around the kitchen table, drinking coffee, reminiscing when the phone rings around 8:30. My nephew had a brain tumor. That was a Wednesday, after the results from a local hospital, that thought it inoperable, he went to Northwestern, which after 5 more hours of testing, ambulanced him to Loyola. Thursday morning he had the first of 2 surgeries.

My dad would have wanted us to focus on his grandson and we did.

 

[Zander]

Seems odd to me. I couldn't do it.....



Are they Democrats by chance?


just kidding!!!! They probably prefer the term "progressives"........

 

[boedicca]

My cousin Joan died last Friday. She was 57. She and Jimmy were married for nearly 30 years, had one daughter, Sarah, (adopted after failed infertility treatments), and Joan survived breast cancer about 15 years ago. She was dx'd with liver cancer earlier this year, went through treatment but it was a lost cause from the get go. She went into the hospital two weeks ago because her liver was shutting down. Sarah flew in from college Thursday and Joan died Friday night around 9pm. 14 hours later, Jimmy and Sarah went to Jimmy's niece's wedding. Sarah had a wonderful time dancing.

WTF?????

I get that everyone grieves differently and all but . . . . this just has me (and other family members) perplexed. Unless I hated the person who died I can't imagine going to a wedding, or even imagine wanting to go to a wedding, the day after that person died. And having a good time dancing.

It's a bit odd, but it's not like they weren't preparing for her departure. Weddings are (hopefully) once in a life time events at which a lot of family and friend love is flowing. It was probably very healing for Jimmy and Sarah to be part of that. I expect Joan wanted them to be there.

 

[Mr.Fitnah]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgLfoQfmSQ4]YouTube - Eagles - Hotel California[/ame]

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget

So I called up the Captain,
'Please bring me my wine'
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

 

[Mr.Fitnah]