Is Rude the New Normal?

[Zoom-boing]

I live in a cookie cutter house neighborhood, the houses all have a driveway (about the length of a Mercury Grand Marquis) with enough room to park two cars side by side . . . barely. All the houses have garages, property size is just under 1/4 acre. From my driveway to the neighbor's driveway is considered parking for my house (yes, it's a public street and anyone can park anywhere but common courtesy has always stood and everyone respects the other guy's space) with the exception of about 15 feet, which is on their 'side' of the property line.

Five years ago we got new neighbors. Nice people, early 30's, two small kids, a dog. Since the day they moved in he has parked his Ford Expedition on this side of his drive with half of his car parked in front of our house (approx 10-15 ft). It was never an issue as we only had two cars/drivers but when my oldest got a car last year and started parking in front of our house we figured a light bulb would go off in the neighbor's head and he'd start parking in front of his house. btw, there is nothing in front of his house. Nothing.

Well, he never did pick up the hint. The first snow we got just before Christmas dumped over 2ft of snow. He parked his car in the usual spot and never bothered to pull it into his drive so when the snow plow came down the street it completely bypassed plowing in front of our house because the neighbor's car was there. The temps dropped, everything froze and when college kid came home a few days later there was no place for her to park except in 'his' spot (yeah, in front of our house). She parked there for about a week and when she went out he popped his car there with no regard for the fact that Julie had no place to park. As a result we had to dig out tons of frozen snow for a place for her. He attempted to do this with the last snow but I asked him to move, explaining that his parking there affects us. He moved his car so the plow could do it's thing but he put it back the next day.

About 3 weeks ago I bought an orange cone from Depot, put the word 'slow' in black duct tape on it and placed it in the street about 2 ft. from the curb at the very end of our property. Yes, making it impossible for the neighbor to park there. I mainly put the cone there because cars have been flying up our street (despite the 25 mph speed limit signs) and my son (special needs) plays out front and across the street and isn't very good at judging if he has enough time to cross the street with a car coming. I was concerned that he'd get hit, I asked my cop neighbor across the street if he thought the cone was a good idea; he did. He also noticed the speeding drivers.

Last Saturday there was a neighborhood garage sale. We didn't participate but the neighbors did. When I got up and looked out the window, the neighbor had thrown the cone onto the grass, parked his car back in 'his' spot and parked the wife's Expedition in front of that, leaving us one space to park a car. There was nothing in front of their house. wtf? My daughter came home from college and parked her car in the one remaining spot. He later went somewhere in his car so I went out and moved the cone back to where it had been. He came back and parked his car in front of his house. A little while later he moved the wife's car back into their garage then proceeded to move the cone up the road about 12 ft and parked his car back in 'his' spot.

I went over and asked him if he wouldn't mind parking his car in front of his house because when he parked in 'his' spot, we lost parking space in front of our house for our cars. Well, he was nice but was not about to do that. The discussion went back and forth, blah, blah, blah. I asked him why he didn't just park his car in front of his house. His reason? He's an EMT and he said that if he gets a call in the middle of the night and his car is parked in front of his house he had to walk through his garden to get to his car. Uh, his 'garden' are plantings that surround his light post. Um, he can't walk down his drive and into the street to get into his car, like every other person would? Really?? So basically, he has no reason other than he just wants to park where he's been parking for the past five years.

When he gave his reason I felt myself get really pissed and rather than say something stupid, when he again said 'if you really want me to move my car I will, but . . .' I cut him off at the 'but' said, thank you I would really, really appreciate if he did that and left.

He moved his car about an hour later (he went out) so once again, I moved the cone back to where it had been. When he came home he once again parked in his 'spot' .... he just drove right over the cone. <sigh, can you see where this is going?> I pulled the cone out from under his car and just put it in the street in front of his car. He went out again later and I put the cone back where it had been. We didn't pull our car down the street (thus completely preventing him from parking there), just left the cone. He came home that night and parked his car in his driveway.

I thought 'ok, he was a jerk, maybe he calmed down and realizes that we have a point'. I parked my car next to the cone on Monday because I was unloading two 40lb. bags of top soil into the wheelbarrow. I haven't gone anywhere since so I just left my car there. Parked. In front of my house. This morning I look and he took the cone and shoved it under the front of my car. I'm sure if confronted he'd deny it and say it must have been the wind and rain but . . . the cone didn't budge with 40 mph winds three days ago. This was intentional.

Am I being unreasonable? Again, I get the whole 'public street, park wherever' thing but everyone has always been considerate about parking . . . until this. I could just park in front of his house but again, I don't want to stoop to his level. He has always seemed like a nice guy but I'm wondering if he has some kind of 'above the law' type attitude or if I just pissed him off because I asked him to move his car and didnt' back down when he obviously didn't want to comply.

At some point there won't be one of our cars parked there and I think he's going to put one of his cars there (he has 3, two Expeditions and a sedan. Just he and his wife for drivers so I don't know why they have 3 cars). I think he's going to put a car there that he doesn't drive much and just leave it there for spite.

Any thoughts?

Sorry this is so bloody long . . . it does feel good to get if off my mind though.

 

[boedicca]

I'd say the solution is for your daughter to park her car in the space in front of the neighbor's house. If he is going to use up your space, his is fair game. It might be passive aggressive, but at this point, he's asked to be treated the way he is treating you. Being nice about it hasn't worked.

It's not really stooping to his level. If that's the space on the public street which is available, then you have a right to use it.

 

[Big Black Dog]

I'd say the solution is for your daughter to park her car in the space in front of the neighbor's house. If he is going to use up your space, his is fair game. It might be passive aggressive, but at this point, he's asked to be treated the way he is treating you. Being nice about it hasn't worked.

It's not really stooping to his level. If that's the space on the public street which is available, then you have a right to use it.

Neighbors can be a real pain in the ass and over the simplest of things. I agree. Have your daughter start parking her car in front of his house. If he says anything to you offer to swap parking places with him. BTW, why doesn't he just park his car in his driveway? Seems a bit odd not to.

 

[Zoom-boing]

I'd say the solution is for your daughter to park her car in the space in front of the neighbor's house. If he is going to use up your space, his is fair game. It might be passive aggressive, but at this point, he's asked to be treated the way he is treating you. Being nice about it hasn't worked.

It's not really stooping to his level. If that's the space on the public street which is available, then you have a right to use it.

Thanks. That's under consideration. We're getting a driveway full of mulch on Friday so until that's all done we're going to have to park in the street. I'm going to pull a car out from that spot intentionally just to see what he does. If he parks there I'm going to park my car in front of his house, butt up to his driveway. We'll see. I might write them a letter too, pointing out 'neighborliness'. . . . like when they decided to fence their yard in last year all they had to do was put two gate pieces across the front, as the three houses (ours being one of the three) surrounding them were already fenced in. We could have been jackasses about it and said 'no, please put up yer own fence on yer own property' but hell. . . we just don't run that way.

Am I being unreasonable in asking him to park his car in front of his own house? I don't think I am.

 

[Zoom-boing]

I'd say the solution is for your daughter to park her car in the space in front of the neighbor's house. If he is going to use up your space, his is fair game. It might be passive aggressive, but at this point, he's asked to be treated the way he is treating you. Being nice about it hasn't worked.

It's not really stooping to his level. If that's the space on the public street which is available, then you have a right to use it.

Neighbors can be a real pain in the ass and over the simplest of things. I agree. Have your daughter start parking her car in front of his house. If he says anything to you offer to swap parking places with him. BTW, why doesn't he just park his car in his driveway? Seems a bit odd not to.

Sometimes he does . . . and sometimes he doesn't. It isn't even as if we use the entire space in front of our house all the time . . . it would just be nice to have the option and since there is nothing in front of his house, I just don't see what the big deal is. And since the whole snowplow thing . . . I'd really like him to just park in front of his house. We will NOT be digging out a parking space again if he does this . . I'll just park in front of his house.

 

[Baruch Menachem]

He has decided it is his spot, and you are being unreasonable. (Logic is not important here, nor are facts)
Your choices are being twice as petty, or letting it go.

Your daughter can park in front of his house, and walk through his yard four times a day.

Custom makes law, and he has custom here.

And good manners are dead. Give them a decent burial, and move on.

 

[strollingbones]

wow i had to eat two donuts to get thru that....lol...okay i live in the country...no real parking problems and when people need excess...we just park on the road...

so what are the rules? i mean its the street right? you can park wherever? i would just park in front of his place...maybe get a clunker and park there...hell i might not move it...for years...ya know

 

[strollingbones]

yea you should have nipped that mal in the bud...right away....give them an inch and pretty soon you got no place to park

 

[Zoom-boing]

He has decided it is his spot, and you are being unreasonable. (Logic is not important here, nor are facts)
Your choices are being twice as petty, or letting it go.

Your daughter can park in front of his house, and walk through his yard four times a day.

Custom makes law, and he has custom here.

And good manners are dead. Give them a decent burial, and move on.

The bolded? Absolutely spot on. That is exactly the situation.

By custom makes law. . . you mean it's public parking and he can park wherever he wants? Yep and I agreed with him when he said that . . . followed by 'but when you park here we lose space for our cars in front of our house'. I didn't win him over with that . . . . good manners are dead.

 

[strollingbones]

o and about the taking the shoveled out place...i dont care where you are..that aint gonna go well.

 

[Skull Pilot]

Neighbors suck. I'm glad i don't have any so close to me as to be that kind of an annoyance.

 

[Zoom-boing]

o and about the taking the shoveled out place...i dont care where you are..that aint gonna go well.

There was no shoveled out place . . . he parked his car in 'his' spot for a few days thus melting down some of the snow. We had zero places to park a car . . . no room in the drive, no room in front of the house, (due to his not moving his car and the snowplow bypassing us.) Kid parked in 'his' spot (keep in mind, 1/2 of 'his' spot is in front of our house) because there was no place else for her to park. I told her to park in front of his house but she refused. He had plenty of plowed out space in front of his house . . . we had none. If it happens again this year, I'll park in front of his house and let the hubs and kid have the garage and drive.

 

[xsited1]

I have surveillance cameras on my house. If anything happens, I've got a recording. Before I had the cameras, some kids (I think) wrote 4-letter words on my car with a bar of soap (I actually thought it was funny), a neighbor would always park in front of my house, the lawn crew wouldn't mow my lawn very well, some guy would always drive by and look at our house, etc. None of this happens anymore. There's something about being watched that keeps people on their best behavior.

 

[Zoom-boing]

Neighbors suck. I'm glad i don't have any so close to me as to be that kind of an annoyance.

Me too. We're here at least until the youngest is out of h.s. (5 years) . . . we'll think about moving then. Too many neighbors too close together for our taste. Guess that's why we've completely surrounded our back yard with arborvitaes and other big plantings to block out the neighbors.

 

[Zoom-boing]

I have surveillance cameras on my house. If anything happens, I've got a recording. Before I had the cameras, some kids (I think) wrote 4-letter words on my car with a bar of soap (I actually thought it was funny), a neighbor would always park in front of my house, the lawn crew wouldn't mow my lawn very well, some guy would always drive by and look at our house, etc. None of this happens anymore. There's something about being watched that keeps people on their best behavior.

How did the cameras stop your neighbor from parking in front of your house?

When I first put the cone out I assumed it was just a kid riding by on their bike who was constantly knocking it over. Since the neighbor is behaving like a petulant four year old, I think it was him knocking it over. For crying out loud, grow up.

 

[Skull Pilot]

I have surveillance cameras on my house. If anything happens, I've got a recording. Before I had the cameras, some kids (I think) wrote 4-letter words on my car with a bar of soap (I actually thought it was funny), a neighbor would always park in front of my house, the lawn crew wouldn't mow my lawn very well, some guy would always drive by and look at our house, etc. None of this happens anymore. There's something about being watched that keeps people on their best behavior.

We live above the business (for now) and our "driveway" is a good sized parking lot.

We constantly have people U turning around our entry island. It's annoying but I don't let it bother me. What does piss me off is that when we're closed, people will sometimes park their cars in the lot and go to the store across the street. I started firing up the riding mower and spewing their cars with grass clippings and gravel and it stopped.

Once over a weekend I had a backhoe parked so as to block the turnaround because we were doing some heavy excavating and I actually had people swearing at me because they couldn't turn in my driveway.

I just waved and laughed.

 

[xsited1]

I have surveillance cameras on my house. If anything happens, I've got a recording. Before I had the cameras, some kids (I think) wrote 4-letter words on my car with a bar of soap (I actually thought it was funny), a neighbor would always park in front of my house, the lawn crew wouldn't mow my lawn very well, some guy would always drive by and look at our house, etc. None of this happens anymore. There's something about being watched that keeps people on their best behavior.

How did the cameras stop your neighbor from parking in front of your house?

When I first put the cone out I assumed it was just a kid riding by on their bike who was constantly knocking it over. Since the neighbor is behaving like a petulant four year old, I think it was him knocking it over. For crying out loud, grow up.

No clue. They just started parking elsewhere when they saw me putting up the cameras. The police have come to my house asking for video for a given time period because a house down the street had been robbed. No problem. I just put it on a disk and off they went.

Door-to-door salesmen usually avoid my house (although they're rare anyway). If they do knock on my door, I walk out and talk to them (of course, I'm always armed), point to the cameras and say "smile."

Wouldn't it have been funny if the guy had knocked the cone over and you had it on video?

I don't assume neighbors will ever "grow up." But with the cameras, the home security signs, the dogs and the lights at night, nobody seems to want to mess with me.

 

[Big Fitz]

I'd say the solution is for your daughter to park her car in the space in front of the neighbor's house. If he is going to use up your space, his is fair game. It might be passive aggressive, but at this point, he's asked to be treated the way he is treating you. Being nice about it hasn't worked.

It's not really stooping to his level. If that's the space on the public street which is available, then you have a right to use it.

Make sure her car blocks his direct path too so he must walk into the street like a normal person. Since he's shown a propensity for vandalizing your property, get an infra red security camera aimed out there too. That way, if something DOES happen to the car, you have it on tape and grounds to sue or press charges.

Till he decides to be a rational, good neighbor, fight fire with marshmallows.

 

[Zoom-boing]

I have surveillance cameras on my house. If anything happens, I've got a recording. Before I had the cameras, some kids (I think) wrote 4-letter words on my car with a bar of soap (I actually thought it was funny), a neighbor would always park in front of my house, the lawn crew wouldn't mow my lawn very well, some guy would always drive by and look at our house, etc. None of this happens anymore. There's something about being watched that keeps people on their best behavior.

How did the cameras stop your neighbor from parking in front of your house?

When I first put the cone out I assumed it was just a kid riding by on their bike who was constantly knocking it over. Since the neighbor is behaving like a petulant four year old, I think it was him knocking it over. For crying out loud, grow up.

No clue. They just started parking elsewhere when they saw me putting up the cameras. The police have come to my house asking for video for a given time period because a house down the street had been robbed. No problem. I just put it on a disk and off they went.

Door-to-door salesmen usually avoid my house (although they're rare anyway). If they do knock on my door, I walk out and talk to them (of course, I'm always armed), point to the cameras and say "smile."

Wouldn't it have been funny if the guy had knocked the cone over and you had it on video?

I don't assume neighbors will ever "grow up." But with the cameras, the home security signs, the dogs and the lights at night, nobody seems to want to mess with me.

If I did the cameras I'd put them inside the car to catch him shoving the cone under it. He stopped knocking it over after half a dozen times or so, I guess he got tired of it. I just laughed at the cone under the car . . . I have a kid whose relentlessness knows no bounds . . . if the neighbor thinks a cone knocked over or shoved under a car a few times will get to me he is sadly mistaken. I've built up my annoyance tolerance very, very high!

 

[Zoom-boing]

I'd say the solution is for your daughter to park her car in the space in front of the neighbor's house. If he is going to use up your space, his is fair game. It might be passive aggressive, but at this point, he's asked to be treated the way he is treating you. Being nice about it hasn't worked.

It's not really stooping to his level. If that's the space on the public street which is available, then you have a right to use it.

Make sure her car blocks his direct path too so he must walk into the street like a normal person. Since he's shown a propensity for vandalizing your property, get an infra red security camera aimed out there too. That way, if something DOES happen to the car, you have it on tape and grounds to sue or press charges.

Till he decides to be a rational, good neighbor, fight fire with marshmallows.

Good advice.

The funny thing is, this whole thing has been bugging the hell out of me since last summer (since my daughter got a car) and over the winter (with the whole snow thing). But ever since I asked him to move his car last Saturday . . . . I feel sooo much less annoyed. And the more he does the 'shoving of cone' or 'driving over the cone' thing, the calmer and more logical I'm approaching the whole thing. I just feel like I have a pretty valid point, he's being a jackass, and the calmer I remain and the nicer I am . . . the more it's going to piss him off. I'm not looking to piss him off, mind you . . . A very nice letter better explaining our POV might just be the thing to get him to move his car. I'll play it by ear the next week or two and see what happens.